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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My ex has a new partner and she allows this?

144 replies

whatamigoingtodo789 · 16/12/2019 19:41

So me and my ex split up. We have 2 kids together a 10 year old boy and 6 year old girl.

The ex has a new partner, approx 6 months into the relationship now. Not quite moved in yet together but spending quite a few nights at the ex's house each week.

I have always been protective of my kids when travelling in mine or other peoples cars.

The nan (mum of the ex) is on quite a lot of medication. Takes around 20 tablets a day. Maybe more. Have always restricted their travelling with her to a 2 mile trip on a 30mph road where its down to a supermarket and the roads are not really busy. They use my car seats whilst they do travel in her vehicle.

Wherever possible I drive them to their destination if meeting up with school friends after having invites to parties etc.

The ex may have gone along with this while we were in a relationship just for my sake.

As it now turns out they now travel back and forth over a 30 mile journey each way to visit friends and family in their nans car. Nan driving with the ex and 2 kids in the car. With car seats.

The problem is the new partner of the ex, only has a 3 seater vehicle. Its like a car with 3 seats in the front and then van part in the rear. Not like a transit size vehicle. Like an estate car. Like a citroen dispatch - the smaller type.

The new partner has apparently picked up the kids from their school or taken them to school in the said vehicle WITH NO CAR SEATS. Yes the journey is less than a mile each way. But my kids are 10 and 6. The 10 year old is still under the minimum height.

I do not know if there is an airbag in the passenger side so that would be a concern as well. I believe kids are meant to be in the rear of vehicles when passenger airbag is active.

What happens if this becomes a regular thing and then they will be doing the 30 mile journey to family/friends next?

Do I say anything to the ex or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Stegosaurus1990 · 16/12/2019 19:43

I really don’t see this being a problem, sorry.

misspiggy19 · 16/12/2019 19:45

The new partner has apparently picked up the kids from their school or taken them to school in the said vehicle WITH NO CAR SEATS.

^In a transit van. No this is not acceptable at all.

FreedomfromPE · 16/12/2019 19:46

No car seats is not acceptable. Particularly for such a short walk.

At17 · 16/12/2019 19:46

You’re not being unreasonable in the slightest. Isn’t it breaking the law for a start?

byteme1011 · 16/12/2019 19:47

The most shocking part is they drive to go to school less than a mile away sorry

Justmuddlingalong · 16/12/2019 19:47

Do you know this for sure, as you used the word "apparently" in your post?

BillieEilish · 16/12/2019 19:47

My DD didn't need a car seat since 9.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2019 19:48

No car seats is not acceptable under any circumstances. I don't care how short the journey is.

Ihavethefinalsleigh · 16/12/2019 19:48

Fuck no, this really isn't acceptable.

BillieEilish · 16/12/2019 19:49

What is you worry? it is not clear.

You mention so many issues.

Gabrielknight · 16/12/2019 19:50

A 10 year old in a car seat?

Lllot5 · 16/12/2019 19:50

If it’s less than a mile each way surely they can walk.
You’re definitely not over reacting.
If it’s inky been six months they shouldn’t be any where near her let alone being taken to school by her.
God makes me so cross

Fairylea · 16/12/2019 19:51

The no car seats is not acceptable. I’m not sure what you can actually do though.

But the nan and medication thing... just because someone takes a lot of medication doesn’t automatically mean they aren’t safe to drive. I take about 20 things a day and I am fine. I have numerous complicated autoimmune things but they don’t affect my ability to drive. If she is however incapable of driving you should report her - it doesn’t matter if the journey is 5 mins or 50 miles. Unsafe is unsafe.

aSofaNearYou · 16/12/2019 19:51

Well it's your ex that is allowing it, she is doing him a favour presumably following what he is comfortable with as the parent.

JustMe9 · 16/12/2019 19:51

I dont understand what is this obsession with child seats? Does a 10 year old need a car seat??? Its not like they are 6 & 10 months old! When I was growing up I never had a car seat at all. YABU

BillieEilish · 16/12/2019 19:52

A 10 year old DOES NOT need a car seat!

BillieEilish · 16/12/2019 19:53

But they should be walking anyway...

IceCreamFace · 16/12/2019 19:53

It's not clear whether the nan's medication actually affects her ability to drive. Presumably she's declared it to the DVLA and has kept her license? Does it make her drowsy? The no car seat thing would bother me - surely they can just walk if it's only a mile?

Sickofpineneedles · 16/12/2019 19:54

Having been a nurse and a funeral director I know how precious life is there's no way my children were out of their car seats until they were to tall enough with one that was at the end of primary so about 11 the other it was 9.5.

What amazed me was the number of kids way smaller that had been out for years do these parents think they are immune to injuries especially as most accidents happen within a mile of home.
So UANBU

BaolFan · 16/12/2019 19:54

BillieEilish did you miss the part where OP said the 10 y/o is under the minimum height? Hmm

thejoysofboys · 16/12/2019 19:56

@Gabrielknight - my 10 year old still needs a car seat. They’re small for their age and are still some way off being 135cm tall (which is the legal cut off). Yes, their mates stopped using car seats a while back but mine still legally needs one.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 16/12/2019 19:56

Totally unacceptable.
People seem to be under the mindset "it won't happen to me", but accidents can happen on any journey whether it be a one mile one or a 30 mile one.

If your eldest son isn't at the height to not require a car seat then she's breaking the law, plain and simple. The youngest should definitely be in a car seat.

They've become complacent with your children's safety. They're breaking the law.

As for the mother in law issue, does her medication impact her driving or not?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/12/2019 19:57

How tall is your 10yo?

Wildorchidz · 16/12/2019 19:58

I dont understand what is this obsession with child seats? Does a 10 year old need a car seat??? Its not like they are 6 & 10 months old! When I was growing up I never had a car seat at all. YABU

I know you might find it difficult to believe that things have moved on since you were a child and you may also find it difficult to believe that nowadays children under the age of 12 - or under 135 cm in height - are required by law to have a suitable car seat.

Liland · 16/12/2019 19:58

Confused about some of the replies here. Thought it was 12 years or 135cm for car seats?