My ex has a new partner and she allows this?

[whatamigoingtodo789]

So me and my ex split up. We have 2 kids together a 10 year old boy and 6 year old girl.

The ex has a new partner, approx 6 months into the relationship now. Not quite moved in yet together but spending quite a few nights at the ex's house each week.

I have always been protective of my kids when travelling in mine or other peoples cars.

The nan (mum of the ex) is on quite a lot of medication. Takes around 20 tablets a day. Maybe more. Have always restricted their travelling with her to a 2 mile trip on a 30mph road where its down to a supermarket and the roads are not really busy. They use my car seats whilst they do travel in her vehicle.

Wherever possible I drive them to their destination if meeting up with school friends after having invites to parties etc.

The ex may have gone along with this while we were in a relationship just for my sake.

As it now turns out they now travel back and forth over a 30 mile journey each way to visit friends and family in their nans car. Nan driving with the ex and 2 kids in the car. With car seats.

The problem is the new partner of the ex, only has a 3 seater vehicle. Its like a car with 3 seats in the front and then van part in the rear. Not like a transit size vehicle. Like an estate car. Like a citroen dispatch - the smaller type.

The new partner has apparently picked up the kids from their school or taken them to school in the said vehicle WITH NO CAR SEATS. Yes the journey is less than a mile each way. But my kids are 10 and 6. The 10 year old is still under the minimum height.

I do not know if there is an airbag in the passenger side so that would be a concern as well. I believe kids are meant to be in the rear of vehicles when passenger airbag is active.

What happens if this becomes a regular thing and then they will be doing the 30 mile journey to family/friends next?

Do I say anything to the ex or am I being unreasonable?

correction: Ignore people who say that you CAN'T take steps to control a dangerous, illegal situation (repeated failing to use carseats for children under 135cm), that puts your children at risk. There are steps you can take.

Yes the journey is less than a mile each way.

No wonder the planet is fucked.

regarding the issue of the nans medication, yes she is allowed to drive.

however her actions when not behind the wheel leaves a lasting impression of someone who is affected by said medication. she sleeps for hours on end , barely leaves the house, and lies in bed all day.

suddenly when needed for a lift or visit she is able to get behind the wheel and drive 30 miles .

i do not drive if i have a drink. not even a pint. i dont drive if i take medication. i want to be 100% before i get behind the wheel.

BillieEilish whether a car seat is needed or not is not up to you. Your opinion is irrelevant. There is a legal requirement for dc up to a certain height. DO you regularly flout laws? Do they not apply to you?

It’s bugging me but I can’t work out if the op is male or female...

They drink pints... tal about the ex with their partner owning a van... is it same sex couple I’m really confused....

My eldest Dcs both legally needed a car seat until they were 11, and I suspect Dc3 will too, we are a shorter than average family but plenty of other children similar to mine in their classes so not that unusual.

Is the new partner driving the DC to/from school regularly, or has it been a matter of her helping out now and again (eg when their dad is busy or unwell)? Because if it's something that's only happened once or twice and is only ever going to happen occasionally, you need to back off. Your comments about the grandmother sound petty and spiteful as well - if her GP has told her she is safe to drive then your opinion is completely irrelevant.
Before you start trying to order your XP's new girlfriend to obey you, have a think about whether it is worth jeopardising an amicable co-parenting relationship over something like this. If you come across to them as whiny, self-righteous and controlling, it's not going to make life easier for your DC, is it?

No YANBU. Car seats are the law until a child is 135cm or 12 years old. Really annoys me when I and people like OP have to feel uncomfortable about asking people to use them with or kids.

What is unreasonable is the frankly, fuckwits, who say "I never had a car seat at that age, and i was ok". Were you ever involved in a car crash? Because if you had, you almost certainly would not have been ok. Such a stupid thing to say.

They drink pints... tal about the ex with their partner owning a van... is it same sex couple I’m really confused....

I hate to break it to you, but women can drink pints and own vans.

My 11 yo has only just stopped using a car seat. She’s small

Her wanker dad didn’t put her in one for ages, said she was big enough, she wasnt. An they put her in the front of the car despite me having said they shouldn’t. Fucking arseholes.

I'm still curious about the rear facing 11 year old. No ERF car seat I know goes higher than 25 kilos and/or 125 cm in height. Is the 11 year old the size of a 6-year old?

@KatharinaRosalie I’m assuming it’s bullshit

Err, the OP asked for my opinion and I kindly gave it my best shot.

I cannot believe the incredulity at 10 year olds in car seats. My son had a booster until he was 12. Because he was under 135 cm. Mind you my friends daughter didn't go in one from around 9 because according to her daughter it was 'babyish' at nearly 15 she's still absolutely tiny. Some parents just don't care, are ignorant of the law or give in to whining despite the safety risk.

just used google maps to work out the journey and it says its 0.8 miles by car and 0.5 walking

its only happened a few times to my knowledge - probably when it was raining heavily.

@xyzandabc

For all those so shocked at a 10yr old in a car seat, it's not that rare, or at least it shouldn't be.

UK growth charts show at age 10, 135cm is approx 25th centile for height. At age 11 135cm is approx 9th centile for height. Boys and girls not that much difference.

So if everyone kept their child in a car seat until they were 135cm then roughly 1 in 4 would still be in a car seat on their 10th birthday, 1 in 10 on their 11th birthday.

I was just coming on to post pretty much exactly this.

At 10 there is a massive range in heights. Dd is 9.8 and has just hit the 135. There are kids in her class who can rest their chin on her head (so presumably hit 135 years ago) and kids in her class whose heads she can rest her chin on (so presumably won’t hit 135 for years.)

Those who say a 10 year old can’t possibly need a car seat either:-
a) Have no idea of the law
b) Do not know any 10 year olds or
c) Have never properly looked at the range of size of kids coming out of a year 5 classroom.

My 11 year old DD is 155 and average for her class. Dear Lord, that was all I was saying.

If people have very small 11 year olds with car seats I am sorry.

But OP is talking about something else.

OP show them this:

www.theaa.com/driving-advice/safety/child-safety/seatbelts

Particularly the bit about the £100 fine.

My 11-year-old DC still needs a car seat/booster. Still just under 135cm. Will probably reach age 12 before that height unless there's a growth spurt. It's not unusual.

Whether a child has outgrown the legal requirements for a safety seat, they still need to have a seat belt. Doubt if there are any in the back of a 3 seater van. Given the age of the children, the driver has legal responsibility to ensure the children are secure. Never mind the insurance implications!

At first I thought you might be petty but on reflection the law Re car seats is there to protect children and I think they should do this to be providing adequate care for the children. You should speak to ex and say he must get car seats. If he doesn’t I think it would be reasonable to not allow them to get in car with her or go there at all. You have a duty to safeguard your children

My 11 year old DD is 155 and average for her class. Dear Lord, that was all I was saying.

That’s unlikely. (That she is average - not that she is 155cm.) An 11 year old girl who is 155cm is between the 91st and 98th centile. Even if by 11 you actually mean “12 tomorrow” then that puts her on the 75th centile. Figures are similar for boys too at 11 or 12.

I’ve got an 8 year old too tall to require a car seat. Car seat specified up to age 12 when I bought it so I didn’t even question until one of the rugby mums asked a few months ago if his friends at school had ever said anything about him still being in one. At which point I was quite confused and suddenly noticed that he did look a bit squashed into it with his head almost touching the ceiling and nobody else with children the same age seemed to be using them anymore. Lightbulb.

It's only 5 foot isn't it? I'd have thought that was about the norm for girls in early puberty?

Have you asked can they use car seats?
How do you know this?
Some people are a lot more relaxed about this type of thing.
My mum didn’t have seat belts in her car ...