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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DSs grandad to have a go...

140 replies

ps1991 · 15/12/2019 18:12

My in-laws are perfect grandparents to our 11month old DS. We always knew that my FIL would find being a grandad hard because he was rarely there when my husband and BiL were babies due to being in the RAF. MiL regularly helps watch the baby and they have him overnight. We’ve asked if they could have him for a few hours on Christmas Eve so we can prep for Christmas (we’re hosting) but MiL is at work, so we’ve asked FIL. He said that he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t feel like he knows how to, he doesn’t know how to change a nappy on his own and doesn’t know about bottles etc. I really understand that he is worried but I really want him to try it. It’ll only be for a couple of hours, DS won’t need a bottle, and likely won’t need a nappy change, he might need a snack which his grandad already knows how to do. WIBU to push this more with him and explain that it would literally be sitting and playing with him, or should I just leave it and DH and I manage on our own?

OP posts:
Leaannb · 15/12/2019 18:15

Ylu asked . He answered. Why is it so freaking harf for you to respect hips choices? I really don' t understand that attitude. No you shouldn't freaking push. Respect the man and his freaking no

Myusername101 · 15/12/2019 18:16

I don't think there is any harm in explaining what would actually be required once more but ultimately if he doesn't want to that is ok too, I wouldn't push him to say yes.

WaterSheep · 15/12/2019 18:16

Giving bottles and changing nappies may just be excuses. The important thing here is that he's telling you he's not comfortable having him on his own, and I think you need to respect that.

ltk · 15/12/2019 18:18

He doesn't want to look after a baby. That's a perfectly reasonable position. Hire a babysitter if you need one.

MyNewBearTotoro · 15/12/2019 18:18

Why are you so keen for him to try it? Personally I wouldn’t want to leave my children with somebody who wasn’t confident with them. FIL has said no and so you should respect that.

Queenfreak · 15/12/2019 18:18

Yes, yabu.
He has said he is uncomfortable and doesn't want to. That's his prerogative I'm afraid.
You can try compromising and ask if he would entertain him at your home while you are busy and are able to help him.
Or he could help you to get things organised

TheFairyCaravan · 15/12/2019 18:18

YABU. You asked he said no. Look after your child yourself

Election2019 · 15/12/2019 18:19

YABU. You asked and he said no. You need to leave it at that.

BelfastNonBlonde · 15/12/2019 18:20

Unreasonable to push him.
Yes what if he was to help at your home keep baby entertained?

RuggerHug · 15/12/2019 18:20

If he's not comfortable then it's not fair to make him. If you want to ask him over to yours to play with DS while you get on with prep in the other rooms. If he's just nervous he might be ok knowing you're there to call if need be but if he's not interested then leave it.

happycamper11 · 15/12/2019 18:20

No of course you don't push it. Glad he's been assertive enough to say his feelings now as you sound quite pushy.

Jozen · 15/12/2019 18:20

You would be unreasonable to push the issue. He has said no.
Once your DS gets older he may be feel happier in being responsible for him but for now, he's given his reasons and that's fine.

Grumpos · 15/12/2019 18:21

Yabu, he’s said he doesn’t feel comfortable.
He has said no.
It’s unfortunate but you’ll have to either crack on and work it out between you both or ask someone else.
Not everyone is comfortable to be childcare, regardless of their relationship with said child. The ONLY people who absolutely have to help are the parents. Anyone else is just a bonus if they are happy to step up.

newbingepisodes · 15/12/2019 18:21

He said no! End of. Leave the poor man be!

Erinaz · 15/12/2019 18:23

He is not confident and doesnt want the responsibility which is understandable if he hasn't looked after a baby. Even in a few hours anything could happen eg choking incident illness diaorea explosive kind . Respect his response.

HildaSnibbs · 15/12/2019 18:23

No you can't push it, he's said no. I wouldn't want to leave a baby with someone who wasn't comfortable taking care of him/her. If he would like to learn how to do the nappies and bottles, you can ask him if he wants you to show him what to do next time he's at yours, but if he doesn't, I'd just leave it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/12/2019 18:24

I’m sure you’ll manage. It’s one meal, one baby, there are two of you. We’re hosting Christmas too, DH has just had surgery isn’t allowed to pick up our baby but it hadn’t occurred to me to draft in help with looking after her while I peel potatoes.

Waveysnail · 15/12/2019 18:28

Yabu. He said no. My fil wouldnt take kids until they were potty trained. He is fab grandad and has them all the time now. He just doesnt do babies

Difficultcustomer · 15/12/2019 18:31

I don’t have children and would not feel comfortable in sole charge even for a few hours. I’d be worried the baby would that particular day to change routine or be ill. I would also worry baby would pick up on my lack of confidence and get upset.

Respect his decision. In the future when they visit ask if he would like to learn how to change a nappy and make up bottles, but again completely accept if he declines and realise that he may still not feel confident to babysit alone.

pinkyredrose · 15/12/2019 18:32

Blimey you're keen to get rid of your kid aren't you? Here's a tip, family aren't staff, they don't have to jump when you click your fingers.

gamerwidow · 15/12/2019 18:32

He isn’t comfortable having him on his own so that’s the end of it. It’s a pain but you and DH will have to take it turns to keep and eye on your child while you prep for Xmas. I would rather be told no I can’t cope than have someone look after my child who wasn’t up to it.

Wallywobbles · 15/12/2019 18:32

Could he come to yours to do it?

Thestrangestthing · 15/12/2019 18:34

Of course yabu. Someone doesn't want to look after your child, they are under no obligation.

PaperbackBlighter · 15/12/2019 18:36

There seems to be a theme lately on MN of two parents not being able to manage one child without external help.

Odd.

22Giraffes · 15/12/2019 18:39

No you really shouldn't push it any further, he has explained how he feels and you need to respect that. You and dh should be able to manage between you.