Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To want DSs grandad to have a go...

140 replies

ps1991 · 15/12/2019 18:12

My in-laws are perfect grandparents to our 11month old DS. We always knew that my FIL would find being a grandad hard because he was rarely there when my husband and BiL were babies due to being in the RAF. MiL regularly helps watch the baby and they have him overnight. We’ve asked if they could have him for a few hours on Christmas Eve so we can prep for Christmas (we’re hosting) but MiL is at work, so we’ve asked FIL. He said that he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t feel like he knows how to, he doesn’t know how to change a nappy on his own and doesn’t know about bottles etc. I really understand that he is worried but I really want him to try it. It’ll only be for a couple of hours, DS won’t need a bottle, and likely won’t need a nappy change, he might need a snack which his grandad already knows how to do. WIBU to push this more with him and explain that it would literally be sitting and playing with him, or should I just leave it and DH and I manage on our own?

OP posts:

Hepsibar · 16/12/2019 11:16

He doesnt want to! Could he come over to you to "sit" while you get on with activities and then you do any baby nappy changing.

pinkyredrose · 16/12/2019 11:16

they can then sneer and look down on people like yourself who is trying to build a bond between your DS and FIL seriously? Trying to build a bond? That's a rather generous way of looking at it!

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 16/12/2019 11:26

Yes, heaven forbid anyone should be generous.

CSIblonde · 16/12/2019 11:42

If he said no you really aho ldnt push it. I'd not want to leave a very small child with someone not confident around basic child needs.

rubyismyworld · 16/12/2019 11:45

I think YABU.
I also wouldn’t want to leave my child in the care of someone who admitted they weren’t comfortable to do it.

Poorolddaddypig · 16/12/2019 11:46

You would be very unreasonable to push this once he has said no. I’d be livid if I were him. I also think it’s a bit unreasonable to demand so much from them in terms of childcare and think overnight visits at this age are already more than enough childcare without adding more to it. Isn’t he a bit young for overnights?!. They’ve got lives too.

Rosebel · 16/12/2019 11:47

No-one is looking down on the OP. No-one is saying you can't have help with your children but you can't force others to look after your children. It shouldn't take three adults,to prep for Christmas and care for one baby.
Me and my husband used to manage when we had two under two. Not because we're great people or didn't want our children to bond with anyone but because we're parent's and it's our job to care for them. We're not supposed to dump our from an unwilling grandparent just so we can do some prep. Just get one of you to prep the other to care for your son. Simple.

Maryann1975 · 16/12/2019 12:59

they can then sneer and look down on people like yourself who is trying to build a bond between your DS and FIL
The op is not trying to build a bond between her ds and fil. She is trying to make her own life easier by outsourcing childcare! Of course it isn’t a race to the bottom of whose life is harder, but it sounds as if the OP has got so used to having help she has never learnt to just get on with it and multi task like so many others have to do.

With 9 days to go, one baby who sleeps all night and a dh who is about, there should be no problem prepping for Christmas.
I know a lot of people who aren’t really in to babies and don’t really know how to look after them. By the time the dc are school age, these people are fine with looking after and entertaining them. Give your fil time and maybe in a few years time he will be offering to have the dc on Christmas Eve so you can get everything done.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 16/12/2019 13:05

Do they not make playpens anymore? They can be a great help when you need a bit of time. Pop DC in with a few toys where you can keep an eye on them and carry on.

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 16/12/2019 13:16

OP, come on, you know that on Mumsnet you are a CF asking any Grandparent or relative for help with your children.
Except no one calling her a CF for asking for help. They're calling her a CF for thinking about pushing the issue. FIL politely declined, it's beyond rude and entitled to even consider stamping your feet and pouting because he said no.

OP, you asked he said no. Respect that. You've also got over a week to do things like sorting the dining room out, changing beds (if they're spare beds)

SoftBlocks · 16/12/2019 13:20

Can’t you just be grateful for the (apparently quite a lot of) help you get already?

Crunchymum · 16/12/2019 14:16

The asking for help is not a problem. It's the refusing to accept that her FIL has said no that posters are taking umbrage to.

georgialondon · 16/12/2019 14:18

Sorry but YABU

Willow2017 · 16/12/2019 14:21

I genuinely don't understand the overwhelming attitude on this thread: my life is a bit shit, so should yours be. It's so... bleak.

Nobody said that. Ok is expecting her pil to drop everything every time she wants baby free time. That's a bit much. They do a lot already for her, surely between her and her dh they can get organised before Xmas eve? How on earth will she cope when he is older if they can't work around a baby who sleeps from 6pm every night?

OP, come on, you know that on Mumsnet you are a CF asking any Grandparent or relative for help with your children. The martyrs on here juggle their children single handedly and have never had any help ever, and like it that way because they can then sneer and look down on people like yourself who is trying to build a bond between your DS and FIL.

Nobody is sneering or calling her a CF. All they are saying us her FIL doesn't want to do it so she shouldn't push it. Her kid is going to be asleep why does she need to farm him out? Her PIL do a lot for them already why isn't that good enough for Her?
She is putting her 'perfect xmas' before her own child fgs. Xmas shouldn't be at the expense of her child nor her FIL. It's not his would to be at her beck and call. There's plenty time to do all she wants to do before Xmas it doesn't all have to wait till Xmas eve. Who leaves everything till Xmas eve?

cptartapp · 16/12/2019 14:32

My DM said no to having my DC regularly and never had either of them overnight in 14 years. I respected that. They seem to do loads for you. Count your blessings and back off. It's a poor do if two adults can't do a bit of food prep and watch a baby between them.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6