To want DSs grandad to have a go...

[ps1991]

My in-laws are perfect grandparents to our 11month old DS. We always knew that my FIL would find being a grandad hard because he was rarely there when my husband and BiL were babies due to being in the RAF. MiL regularly helps watch the baby and they have him overnight. We’ve asked if they could have him for a few hours on Christmas Eve so we can prep for Christmas (we’re hosting) but MiL is at work, so we’ve asked FIL. He said that he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t feel like he knows how to, he doesn’t know how to change a nappy on his own and doesn’t know about bottles etc. I really understand that he is worried but I really want him to try it. It’ll only be for a couple of hours, DS won’t need a bottle, and likely won’t need a nappy change, he might need a snack which his grandad already knows how to do. WIBU to push this more with him and explain that it would literally be sitting and playing with him, or should I just leave it and DH and I manage on our own?

[Haworthia]

I wouldn’t leave my baby in the care of someone who a) has no experience of caring for a baby and b) doesn’t even want to.

[Equanimitas]

You’ve got over a week to prep for Christmas, and only one child. How hard can it be.

[Touchmybum]

This is what you signed up for.... you are very fortunate to have the help you already do!

[Spacecudet]

I really don't understand what you need to prepare! Any preparations for Christmas we needed to do we did once the children had gone bed.

[techgirlme]

Ask FIL to come to yours to babysit. You can then help him with a change.

[sunshinekids]

Don't push him.

But ... maybe he would play with your baby at your house while you and DH organise in another room.

[firstimemamma]

Respect his wishes. He's not obliged to have your baby so I wouldn't pressurise.

Also with babies you just know that whenever you 'need' them to have a clean nappy for a couple of hours they poo, sometimes explosive - Sod's law! What would your FIL do then? You can't guarantee that won't happen and he's obviously nervous.

[Ghostoast]

For gods sake, 2 parents and one child. What is it with these parents on mumsnet today? He's only 11 months old. Honestly if you can't cope getting jobs done with 2 of you and 1 x 11 month old, don't have anymore kids!

[itgetshardereveryday]

Of course yabu. He is under no obligation to look after your baby especially if he doesn't know what to do.
I'm not sure why you need him looked after to prep for Christmas? We've always hosted and have never felt the need to ask someone to babysit the day before.
Especially as an 11 month old will probably have 2 naps still and go to bed before you.

[DoesItGetAnyBetter]

You are a being a total cheeky fucker and need to get a grip.
Every other parent (including myself) manages to prepare for Christmas without dumping their children on grandparents.
Your children are your responsibility and free babysitting is not your right.

[Teachermaths]

Respect him saying no.

How much do you really need to prepare for Christmas? It's just a roast dinner. Do it once baby is asleep if you're that worried.

[LyingWitchlnTheWardrobe]

Why can't one of you sit with the baby and the other do the prepping? I don't understand that. Why do you need a babysitter when both of you are at home?

[Tattooedmama]

Wow, the posters calling the man pathetic because he dont want to watch his grand child Christmas eve... Tuff shit, not his child to look after

[Saharafordessert]

You won’t like it and maybe didn’t even expect to be told by so many people but YABVU.
He probably feels under pressure to conform to being a perfect grandparent already and clearly isn’t living up to your (high) expectations.

[firstimemamma]

@StillWeRise "honestly I don't think people realise how lucky they are- your MIL regularly has your 11 month old"

I hear ya. 16 month old ds and his dad often works 17 hour days and sometimes night shifts. We've never had any help from relatives as they are all so far away but do we complain? No, we chose to live here and we chose to start a family! Our ds is our responsibility and we always find a way. We're grateful for what we've got and happy. I'd never dream of asking someone who isn't comfortable around babies to have him.

[OhChristmasTreee]

Please don’t ask him to come to your house to watch him. He doesn’t want to do it. Don’t be that person.

[JacquesHammer]

Wow, the posters calling the man pathetic because he dont want to watch his grand child Christmas eve

No. I’m calling him pathetic with the “don’t know how to change a nappy” shtick. I mean it doesn’t take a degree does it?

Why can’t he be honest and say “I don’t want to” instead of coming up with manchild style excuses.

[ps1991]

Wow, can’t believe how judgy people are, quite frankly I doesn’t matter if you managed to single handily prepare Christmas dinner with 10 children under your feet. Yes of course DH and I can manage, but if we had help, we would be able to do the prep quicker and more efficiently to spend the rest of Christmas Eve as a family. We have family both my DHs family and my family on Christmas Day and my family staying until Boxing Day evening so I was trying to make time for DH and I to spend some time with DS alone as a family for his first Christmas. I will obvious respect what FIL wants and I know we’re lucky, but he has expressed before that he wants to help and when we spoke with him I had the impression that he was more daunted by not knowing what to expect.

I did consider asking him if he would mind coming to ours to watch DS instead, they only live 5mins away.

[AG29]

If he isn’t comfortable doing so you cannot make him.

[Teachermaths]

I still don't understand how Christmas day requires 2 hours of prep.

Prep a few veg, shove a turkey in the oven and set the table.

You're being ridiculous OP.

[PlumsGalore]

Yabu, my DD was a very hands on dad and not only changed but washed many shitty (towelling) nappies in his time. He did wonderful things with his grandchildren but wouldn’t have them as babies alone. It was too many years since he’d had them and lacked confidence.

Your fil has never even done it the first time round.

[ps1991]

@Teachermaths our dining room isn’t regularly used as a dining room so we need to organise the whole room, moving toys etc to different places, we have people staying Christmas night so I need to change the beds, clean the bathrooms etc, and then prep dinner which yes might just be peeling a bit of veg but it all takes time and is easier if there is an extra pair of hands to hold the baby.

[Pilot12]

Buy a turkey that comes in a bag ready to cook, frozen roast potatoes, ready prepared veg (frozen is cheaper than fresh if money is tight) = virtually no prep required.

[Skyechasemarshalontheway]

Could you ask fil to come around and entertain baby at yours?
Or to help change beds, prep.


He has the right to say no. He may want to relax himself to.