To want DSs grandad to have a go...

[ps1991]

My in-laws are perfect grandparents to our 11month old DS. We always knew that my FIL would find being a grandad hard because he was rarely there when my husband and BiL were babies due to being in the RAF. MiL regularly helps watch the baby and they have him overnight. We’ve asked if they could have him for a few hours on Christmas Eve so we can prep for Christmas (we’re hosting) but MiL is at work, so we’ve asked FIL. He said that he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t feel like he knows how to, he doesn’t know how to change a nappy on his own and doesn’t know about bottles etc. I really understand that he is worried but I really want him to try it. It’ll only be for a couple of hours, DS won’t need a bottle, and likely won’t need a nappy change, he might need a snack which his grandad already knows how to do. WIBU to push this more with him and explain that it would literally be sitting and playing with him, or should I just leave it and DH and I manage on our own?

I'm afraid I agree with the YABU comments. My own DF won't watch my 2 year old daughter alone. Even at night when she's a fantastic sleeper who never wakes up and I'd put her down to bed before going out! V v low risk situation in my eyes but he doesn't feel comfortable doing it and I can't push him. Thankfully DM is fantastic with DD!

Your updates make it worse, your baby is asleep from 6pm every day.
So crack on this week, do the beds, tidy the dining room, and as you get closer preprep some veg etc. You have loads more help than most, and you do know most folk like Christmas to be special.

OP maybe your FIL fancies sitting with his feet up , glass of wine and watch TV on Christmas Eve . That’s my plan !

Yabvu

He told you he didn't want to and wasn't confident in doing so.

Accept it and move on.

Why do people assume grandparents should babysit at the drop of a hat?

You are the parents so parent.

Yabu. We all have our limits of what we can cope with and your fil has said he can't look after your ds on his own. I don't look after my dn with my own dc as well on my own because I know I wouldn't be able to do it safely. I would hate it if someone tried to pressure me into doing it.

I agree with the others, it's unfair to push it. Don't ask him to come over and do it, just get on with it. If the baby sleeps from 6pm just do an hour a night and you'll be all sorted or when/ if they nap.

is easier if there is an extra pair of hands to hold the baby.

Im confused, isn't your Husband going to be there with you?

Ffs it's 2weeks till Xmas you can do all the prep before then.
You fil doesn't feel he will cope so leave it.
Do you expect your pil to. have your kid every Xmas eve cos you and dh can't cope with getting organised round a child?
If your kids going to.be asleep then crack on and do what needs to be done then like the rest of us had to. Your kid not theirs. And that comes before 'special' Xmasses for other people.

Why dont you get fil to come to yours and look after him

He doesn’t feel comfortable. End of.

YABU to push. He doesn’t feel comfortable doing it; you’ve got too used to having MiL on hand.

And I have to admit I’m a little perplexed at why all of this stuff has to happen on Xmas Eve or the day before - there’s ten days till Christmas and you have one baby.

This is the 15th December. You have 10 days to arrange rooms and make beds for visitors. Or top tip - if you don't have time to make the beds leave the sheets for your visitors- you have a baby I'm sure they'll understand.

Ditto most reasonable folk if they are having Christmas day with the parents of a baby will just be delighted there is some food on the table. But fine if you want to make life hard by yourself by making the Christmas meal a right old palaver special, but don't be making everyone else's lives difficult as well.

You're very lucky to have babysitters so nearby. Personally I'd save my asks for couples nights out or when you're stuck for childcare when you go back to work, not to help with some perfectly ordinary household chores that can be done when baby is asleep.

2017 Christmas in my new home hosted my family, i had a c section 2 weeks before Christmas so recovering from that and having a newborn breastfeeding constantly, me and dp still managed to get it done together (him more than me while i was recovering)

You have a baby that sleeps from 6

Crack on with it like the rest of us

*Or top tip - if you don't have time to make the beds leave the sheets for your visitors- you have a baby I'm sure they'll understand.

Ditto most reasonable folk if they are having Christmas day with the parents of a baby will just be delighted there is some food on the table. *

To be fair I'd say that if OP had a colicky newborn. As it is she has a 1 year old who sleeps for 13 hours and sounds fairly easy at other times. I've a 6 year old that's more trouble. OP you have all week. You could have got the bulk done this weekend, especially the beds and the dining room however I also know people that have their veg prepped, blanched and frozen. There's still another weekend to go too. No need to run around in a panic on Christmas Eve. DGF hasn't done that sort of childcare before so it's pretty reasonable for him to decide he doesn't want to start now.

If your child goes to bed at 6, why not do all the prep then? You say you want to spend time with your own little family before your family descends for Xmas. But palming him off on FIL isn’t having family time.

Get a grip and stop taking advantage hes already said he didnt feel comfortable. My own df wouldn't look after a child that age on his own either.

I'm shocked by this post. Your baby comes first, you should adapt your Christmas to fit in with the needs of your family not the other way round!

We had a tradition that I got Christmas stuff sorted while H had the kids on Christmas Eve.

It started him taking them to his parents, soft play etc.

Then long walks and cinema as they got older.

It became a nice one to one time with them and they now look back on it fondly.

I don't see why the baby needs to leave the house. There are 2 of you, surely take it in turns to entertain the baby, or do a fair bit together while he naps

YABU to push it and YABU to find a babysitter for your child on Xmas eve, priorities all wrong, you don't need a babysitter so two adults can peel potatoes. I dread to think how much you lean on your MIL.

Your updates make it sound as though you feel you and your husband are correct in your thought process.

With kindness OP, you don't sound particularly respectful of your fil decision.

If your FIL is uncomfortable your son will pick up on it and probably become unsettled confirming in your FILs mind that he can't do it. Just leave him be.
My dad loved it when his grandchildren were babies as he missed out with his own children but I don't think he would have looked after them without my mum for back up.
You and your partner can prep without any extra help. Do it at nap time if need be.
It's not your FILs job to babysit it he doesn't want to.

OP, come on, you know that on Mumsnet you are a CF asking any Grandparent or relative for help with your children. The martyrs on here juggle their children single handedly and have never had any help ever, and like it that way because they can then sneer and look down on people like yourself who is trying to build a bond between your DS and FIL.

Probably best not to push it OP, but I can see where you're coming from.

I genuinely don't understand the overwhelming attitude on this thread: my life is a bit shit, so should yours be. It's so... bleak.

I hope you have a lovely first Christmas as a family: it's very special.

I don't think I'd want someone who doesn't feel comfortable looking after my baby looking after them. I totally get how hard it is to find childcare but I think you're going to have to find someone else.