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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DSs grandad to have a go...

140 replies

ps1991 · 15/12/2019 18:12

My in-laws are perfect grandparents to our 11month old DS. We always knew that my FIL would find being a grandad hard because he was rarely there when my husband and BiL were babies due to being in the RAF. MiL regularly helps watch the baby and they have him overnight. We’ve asked if they could have him for a few hours on Christmas Eve so we can prep for Christmas (we’re hosting) but MiL is at work, so we’ve asked FIL. He said that he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t feel like he knows how to, he doesn’t know how to change a nappy on his own and doesn’t know about bottles etc. I really understand that he is worried but I really want him to try it. It’ll only be for a couple of hours, DS won’t need a bottle, and likely won’t need a nappy change, he might need a snack which his grandad already knows how to do. WIBU to push this more with him and explain that it would literally be sitting and playing with him, or should I just leave it and DH and I manage on our own?

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 15/12/2019 18:39

YABU to push the issue. He's said no. FIL is the same - happy to play with toddler DD but has never done anything care related for her. No nappies, no meals, no putting to bed. I've happily left her with DF who does those things but FIL is no because he just doesn't want to get involved in the care side of things.

Reallynowdear · 15/12/2019 18:39

YABVU

He has already said no.

Why would you try to force him to look after your son? That is unusual behaviour from parents.

laudete · 15/12/2019 18:41

Do your PIL live near enough that FIL could mind the baby in your home? That way you will still be on hand if a nappy needs changing or baby needs feeding but you won't have to watch your son the whole time while you (I infer) prep FIL's Xmas dinner for the following day?

Clymene · 15/12/2019 18:43

How much prepping do you need to do on Xmas eve which requires 2 dedicated people? Can't you put your baby in a bouncy chair for 15 minutes?

Apart from anything else, he said no. Respect his boundaries.

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 15/12/2019 18:43

Good Lord. It's not a lot for you to manage! It's hardly vital for him to step up now, is it? He doesn't want to and you're hardly in an emergency where you might want to persuade.

WorraLiberty · 15/12/2019 18:48

I really understand that he is worried but I really want him to try it.

Haha! Yes I bet you do, you CF Grin

Drabarni · 15/12/2019 18:48

Manage on your own, why push it. Your kid you look after him.
Some people don't have anyone to help them.

Serenity45 · 15/12/2019 18:48

YABU

HTH

Tattooedmama · 15/12/2019 18:51

Yabu
Why do you need to palm the baby off to prep for christmas?
We prep christmas with 4 kids without a fuss.
Dont force the man to watch the baby when he has loud and clearly said no

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 15/12/2019 18:51

Both my dad and FiL would have said the same. Neither of them would have been comfortable looking after a baby or toddler. I would expect nothing else of men born in 1914 and 1922, respectively (although I know there are men of that generation who did). Both men were brilliant with their grandchildren once the grandchildren were older.

My own DH, on the other hand, was completely 'hands on' with our sons from the day they were born. I'd expect him to be willing to watch a grandchild at any age.

Bottom line though, is that it is your FiL's decision and if he's not comfortable that's all there is to it. And you insisting he 'try' is rude.

Aridane · 15/12/2019 18:52

Yabu

PicaK · 15/12/2019 18:54

You'll be OK. Don't panic about Xmas. The world has changed and you don't get to prep in the way you did before kids. Drop your standards. You reap it back watching them on Xmas day.
What is it you are worrying about getting done? Can we help with ideas and tips for that?

iMatter · 15/12/2019 18:56

He said no

Respect that

Leave him alone

InsertFunnyUsername · 15/12/2019 18:56

YABU and a tad entitled tbh. He has every right to say no, for whatever reason. My DDs auntie didn't "do babies" but now she is nearly 2 she is brilliant with her and they have a great bond. I couldn't imagine pushing someone to have my children because it will do them good Hmm

busybarbara · 15/12/2019 18:57

He sounds totally pathetic but you’ll regret it if you leave your child with him and he gets into a fix

Crunchymum · 15/12/2019 18:57

I'll manage to prep Christmas, despite working myself Xmas Eve and having 3 children (youngest is disabled)

OP, you are hilarious!!

KurriKurri · 15/12/2019 18:57

He's said no - and he's given you a reason. It might not even be the real reason - it's Christmas Eve - maybe he has stuff he wants to do as well, maybe he has gifts to wrap or whatever. But regardless he doesn't have to gice a reason, no is his answer.

aurora12digits · 15/12/2019 18:59

You are asking too much

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/12/2019 19:01

He sounds totally pathetic

No, he doesn’t.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 15/12/2019 19:01

I wouldn't want to risk alienating otherwise devoted grandparents by pushing too hard on this one. Look after your own child and let this go.

Dominoz · 15/12/2019 19:01

YABU. He doesn't want to do it. He has said. Some GP do, some don't. Leave it at that and let go.

MiniCooperLover · 15/12/2019 19:02

Your child, you deal with him. Give him a book or a toy to deal with and crack on.

Yetanotherwinter · 15/12/2019 19:02

You’re being unfair. It’s your child, not your fil’s. If he’s said he doesn’t want to do it then you need to respect his decision. Why can’t you do the prep when the baby is in bed.

JacquesHammer · 15/12/2019 19:03

He’s a bit pathetic really isn’t he?

You can’t push it, but I would be fairly incredulous that a grown man was so helpless. I would have far more respect if he said “I don’t want to”.

StillWeRise · 15/12/2019 19:04

YABU
honestly I don't think people realise how lucky they are- your MIL regularly has your 11 month old overnight? It was about 5 years before I had even a single night off from 3 children and then probably another 2 years or so before it happened again
really 2 adults should be able to cope with 1 baby, even if there's a christmas dinner to prepare.