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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
Avihoot · 15/12/2019 00:11

Wow. We have the full range of political opinion represented in our family. A dozen adults, a full range of ages and a lot of outspokenness. Politics are frequently hotly debated. It doesn't stop us enjoying Christmas together. Family is more important. Your husband needs to grow up a bit.

DappledThings · 15/12/2019 00:11

What happens if the olds are lefties, and the youngsters are Tories?

It's up to them! If anyone considers someone else's views to be so abhorrent they can't bear them in their home that ought to be considered. My grandfather didn't speak to me for 6 months when I was a teenager and joined the Labour party. He thought that was a disgraceful thing to have done and told me he was ashamed of me. It can.go.both ways!

LexMitior · 15/12/2019 00:11

You can shut down people who insist on trying. It’s a skill but in the end they normally just end up flustered, annoyed and angry
(Which is largely what Ill mannered people like to do to others). They don’t like it and sometimes the penny drops a bit later...

catspyjamas123 · 15/12/2019 00:12

Why not make a joke of it? Decorate the tree with pics of Corbyn, use a red flag as a table-cloth, have O Tannenbaum playing on a loop, serve up pickled cabbage washed down with vodka, maybe set up your own gulag in the back garden for dissidents of a certain age???

Bluebutterfly90 · 15/12/2019 00:13

To be honest your grandparents do sound pretty awful.
I'd try and find some middle ground like enforcing a no politics rule and sticking to it, telling them they will be asked to leave if they cant behave, but I cant really blame your DH for not wanting to be around them.
I personally have grandparents I haven't seen since I was 11 just because they were truly awful people.

JemSynergy · 15/12/2019 00:13

Tell him to grow up. My whole family voted differently from one another, some tory some labour. Not one of us has argued about it!

chomalungma · 15/12/2019 00:13

DS is turning into a bit of a Tory and I still manage to talk to him and feed him everyday Grin

PinkCrayon · 15/12/2019 00:14

I am with him here they don't sound very nice people to be around. Perhaps he can go out for the day and just not see them anymore.
I don't actually think you have to spend time with people just because they are family if they make you feel unhappy.

Smilebehappy123 · 15/12/2019 00:15

No we no teenagers a baby who is 9 months so they cant fill her head with their racism at the moment and poverty bashing
DH does worry about this in the future though
Grandmother actually stated that their is no such thing as poverty in the UK as everybody has food ??

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 15/12/2019 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 15/12/2019 00:15

I think YABU to uninvite them
I'd pop in to see them another time over the holidays.

I see your DH's point of view. It's not intolerant to refuse to spend time with intolerant, callous people.

ssd · 15/12/2019 00:16

I can't stand the tories but your dh is worse.

Instagrump · 15/12/2019 00:16

My dad is a Trump supporter and thinks climate change is a crock of shit.

FIL uses the term, "Darkies" and thinks Syrians should have stayed where they were.

If I cut all dickheads off I'd be sitting alone. Mind you, I will happily put them right on the subjects though.

KilledByHerOwnCardigan · 15/12/2019 00:17

I voted YANBU only because it's guaranteed gramps will be bringing up politics, whether you like it or not, and that's just a way of purposely shitting up a lovely night. If it wasn't for that, I'd say YABU.

NearlyGranny · 15/12/2019 00:17

I understand your DH's view, and yours! It's so difficult and exhausting when the narrow-minded dominate the airwaves with their nasty, scoffing prejudices against anyone not exactly like them.

And everything is still so raw after Thursday. But they're family and presumably they love you.

When you see them, can you have a firm word and put political and social topics on the banned list?

As in, GF, you're coming to our house to celebrate the birth of a poverty-stricken middle-eastern baby who spent his early childhood as an unwelcome refugee in a neighbouring country being a burden on the economy, (the flight into Egypt) and grew up to be such a thorn in the side of the establishment that he ended up executed.

If you are tempted to mention politics or utter judgements on people you don't know, you will make everyone uncomfortable and yourself very unwelcome. Can you undertake to bridle your tongue, get out of the seat of the mockers and scoffers (see Psalm 1) and keep the conversation on pleasant, positive topics?"

You don't need him to try, you need him to do it. Your DGM, too. Why not get them to watch each other?

If they slip, "You're on thin ice there, time to turn the conversation!"

And if a rant begins or BJ's name is mentioned, everyone needs to get up in a body and leave the ranter alone in the room for five minutes, even if it means leaving the table during a meal!

You can do this. I don't believe ranters even enjoy it much; it's just a bad habit. Habits can be broken.

Pinkandbluemcdonald5 · 15/12/2019 00:17

The tories are out in force here!

I cannot see space in my life for people who don’t care for our most vulnerable. The uk is in trouble right now. I’m embarrassed to be part of this union. Your grandparents are dinosaurs in view points. If they want to spout rubbish they should be ready for people not agreeing with them.

Smilebehappy123 · 15/12/2019 00:17

Oh and she wouldnt go town the other week with her life long friend because her friend had a ladder in her tights- this is no joke because the community would be looking at her
Sorry I feel like I'm drip feeding now

OP posts:
PinkCrayon · 15/12/2019 00:18

Sorry its late I didn't read properly I didnt realise it was for Xmas Dinner on Xmas day, perhaps see them another time, I wouldn't want to spend my actual Xmas day with people like that just because they are family.

FrancisCrawford · 15/12/2019 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BMW6 · 15/12/2019 00:19

Right, I voted Conservative but your GP;s sound like right wankers TBH.

If they will be obnoxious and boorish tell them they are not invited for dinner, you will call at their house with DC for an hour or so on Boxing day to give them whatever and wish Happy Xmas.

Whatever their political views are, they sound dreadful bores. Wish them well, from a distance.

LexMitior · 15/12/2019 00:19

Everyone is entitled to different opinions. They aren’t entitled to air them at a social event where they are a guest.

If you offend someone in their house the bottom line is you can ask them to leave. The no politics rule is good English manners and people who are daft enough to disregard risk being uninvited or excluded.

Evilspiritgin · 15/12/2019 00:19

I thought the labour voters were meant to be the caring Voters , it seems to have bypassed your family op

chomalungma · 15/12/2019 00:20

Happy Xmas

Happy Season's Greetings surely Grin

Or Happy Winterval ?

CharlottesPleb · 15/12/2019 00:20

This is a bit much and not the sort of behaviour you expect from a grown up.

If he is bigoted it will do him good to spend time in the company of people who believe different things to him, perhaps even have gentle conversation, although I'd be watchful and step in if it looks like he is going to be rude.

tensmum1964 · 15/12/2019 00:21

Your grandparents sound vile. I wouldn't have them at my dinner table. I'm with your husband on that one.