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AIBU?

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
Pinkshoelace · 15/12/2019 00:01

If it were just for the fact they voted Conservative, I would say that your husband was being very unkind.

However, the fact that your Grandfather brings up politics all the time - I can understand why your husband would find that frustrating, particularly under his own roof. Especially if their behaviour is disrespectful.

I think however if I were in your shoes I would ask your husband give them another chance, then go and speak to your Grandparents privately and tell them that you all find it upsetting when they talk about political issues and that you want a moratorium on political subjects on Christmas Day. I think that if you make clear that this has had such a negative impact on you and your husband that it's getting to the point that he doesn't want to socialise with them anymore - hopefully that will make them see sense.

Given what you've told us, I think there is an even chance that they'll refuse to entertain the idea - in that case I think you have to stick to your boundaries and not see them on Christmas Day.

ClinkyMonkey · 15/12/2019 00:02

I must admit, I would struggle to listen to such views. I know plenty of people with different views to my own, some of which I find abhorrent, but if I have to spend time with them, because they're family, I just bite my tongue and try to change the subject. Believe me, I've had A LOT of practice.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 15/12/2019 00:02

One comment from grandmother last year was for example the Iceland advert came on telly about turkeys crowns being half price and she burst into fits of laughter that people would actually do an xmas dinner shop at Iceland, they dont live in the real world

To be honest, I would laugh at that too, Iceland is by no means a cheap supermarket! I stopped by for picnic supplies once, spent a small fortune! Would have been much cheaper in Tesco, maybe even Sainsbury's!

I do all my shopping in Aldi and Lidl by the way, I'm not turing my nose up.

LH1987 · 15/12/2019 00:03

@DappledThings, what a horrible hateful song. I mean who would have enough time or be so unpleasant as to come up with that?

Pinkandbluemcdonald5 · 15/12/2019 00:03

Why should he have such people in his house? If they can’t curb their political views on poverty and force it on you, they sound horrible, then don’t encourage their unwelcome views. You guys sound really lovely and the way people should be viewing life.

Squidsister · 15/12/2019 00:03

I can see both sides here. They are entitled to vote for who they like and it does seem childish to not invite them for voting Tory. I think it does is all good to mix with people outside of our bubble.

However I have also been to family events where I’ve had to listen to right wing views and it’s not pleasant, and they sound like they are deliberately saying things they know you won’t like?

How about a compromise? Tell them this year you’ve decided you want to spend Christmas Day on your own but you’d like to see them Boxing Day or Xmas Eve? Then you’ll get your nice Christmas Day without having to listen to anything offensive.
And then see them another day when DH won’t be so bothered. And just grit your teeth and drink lots of wine....

chomalungma · 15/12/2019 00:03

You should serve them a vegan Christmas with no crackers, no plastic waste etc - really go full left wing on them. Really play up to the left wing image. No presents either as you are concerned about the planet - and tell them you have donated their present to a food bank.

Original poster
Smilebehappy123 · 15/12/2019 00:04

Grandfather doesn't understand silence
If there is even a few moments silence in the house he will proclaim , what the bloody hell is wrong with you all. we have always known their views but understandably emotions are running high at the moment

OP posts:
DappledThings · 15/12/2019 00:05

what a horrible hateful song. I mean who would have enough time or be so unpleasant as to come up with that?

A comedy band LH1987 who got good exposure on Radio 4. Their one about various possible definitions of the word Farage is another cracker.

Hate begets hate. You read the hateful views of the DM then no, I don't want that influence around. So it's a comic song with a serious message.

WoollyMollyMonkey · 15/12/2019 00:06

Your DH sounds absolutely awful.

Actually your grandparents sound absolutely awful to me. I wouldn’t much like to spend Christmas with them either.

Bodyposiftw · 15/12/2019 00:06

Chomalungma this is genius. If they love winding people up,let them have a taste of their own medicine.
Your grandfather sounds very unpleasant OP. Shouting because it's too quiet? Merry Christmas indeed...

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 15/12/2019 00:06

My dm and inlaws are coming to us. I know that they all voted leave and conservative. Dh says I can't argue with them over Christmas dinner but I suspect that will depend on how much wine I have. I know they all think that everyone has the same opportunities as them and it's because of laziness/stupidity or weakness which means some people are struggling on UC whilst they are benefitting from massive pensions/shares etc. However I'm never going to change their minds.

I grew up listening to my df (thought Maggie Thatcher was a saint) fight with my maternal grandmother (was in love with Keir Hardie and fond of singing "we'll keep the red flag flying here") though and think arguing about politics and religion over the table is normal.

I have lot of mental health issues including attachment issues due to my childhood. Dh would love to uninvite my mum from christmas and our lives but that decision is mine and mine alone. If he avoids them now, when is he going to see them? It's not going to get any better or easier for him.

jillowarriorqueen · 15/12/2019 00:07

Sorry, your DH is being a massive brat. YANBU to mind this. You should mind this. He needs to grow up and accept others don't share his views.

CherryPavlova · 15/12/2019 00:07

Isn’t the idea of Christmas that we offer peace and goodwill to all?
Seems a bit churlish. We’ll have Tory voting grandparents here too. It’s a couple of days. Good lesson to children in being courteous to all.

champagneandfromage50 · 15/12/2019 00:07

Smilebehappy123 doesnt sound like you want to see them either given your updates. If you find your GP totally foul then stop using your DH as an excuse not to see them

chomalungma · 15/12/2019 00:08

Grandfather doesn't understand silence

You need to have the alternative Queen's Speech on Channel 4.

Discuss the monarchy and how it's been affected by Epstein.
Tell him you think Meghan is great for the RF.

It can be fun winding someone up and seeing them go...
Then discuss how snowflakes isn't just a word that can be used about the young.

catspyjamas123 · 15/12/2019 00:08

It’s almost as if your husband believes in property rights....surely not? He really should embrace the collective will of the British people.

strawberrieshortcake · 15/12/2019 00:08

The hidden Tory’s have come out on this thread. I love a bit of ‘i didn’t vote conservative but......

Sashkin · 15/12/2019 00:08

OP I don’t think you've framed this very well. From your updates it sounds less like it’s because they voted Tory, and more because they are spiteful people who like to laugh at poor people and think homeless children have brought it on themselves. If you had presented it like that in the first post, I think a few more people would have agreed with you.

LexMitior · 15/12/2019 00:08

Ugh. In short they are ill mannered house guests.

If you can’t uninvite, shorten the duration. Don’t insist on a no politics rule. People with manners know this already.

But you should have a rule that every time the conservation does turn that way, you should ask your DH to go to kitchen and get something.

Two hours for lunch and then they are gone! Job done.

Singlenotsingle · 15/12/2019 00:09

Dappled Xmas Biscuit
What happens if the olds are lefties, and the youngsters are Tories?

Mamamia456 · 15/12/2019 00:10

Starlight456 - So you think anyone who voted tory is selfish. Do you also think that anyone who voted Labour is an anti-semite?

Weenurse · 15/12/2019 00:10

They actually do sound pretty horrible.
Do you get on with them and do you want them to come?

WoollyMollyMonkey · 15/12/2019 00:10

I’ve just bought a turkey crown from Iceland and the only reason I have a Daily Fail rag in my house (a friend passes them on) is to wrap up cat shit when I empty the litter tray!

vdbfamily · 15/12/2019 00:11

OP, do you have older kids. Now mine are opinionated teenagers they just argue with my parents about anything they disagree with. My dad started on about climate change being something that has always happens and his grandkids laid into him immediately about how it is currently an urgent issue he needs to take seriously.
Everyone has different views but it is right to debate them and challenge so we don't all end up in echo chambers. But maybe Christmas Day is not the time. Maybe just remind them that Jesus was a poor carpenter, born in suspicious circumstances, who wandered around homeless and had no money.