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AIBU?

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 19/12/2019 17:16

I'm a Labour voter, would probably be considered pretty left wing. I'm also a remainer. I know and get on with people who vote Tory or who voted leave. Because they're decent people, politically I think they're wrong and they obviously think I'm wrong but there's enough that we do agree on and they're not racist, homophobic etc.

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 19/12/2019 17:19

Posted before I'd finished.

They also don't demonise the poor.

I also know people, unfortunately they're relatives, who do come it with awful racist crap. If they were friends they'd be gone, as they're family I don't visit too often and when I do I politely disagree and try to change the subject. I wouldn't want them round for Christmas tbh.

mathanxiety · 19/12/2019 19:20

Amen to that Amara.

Thornhill58 · 19/12/2019 19:37

I wouldn't want to be with you either. I can't stomach left wing social warriors.
I do hope they don't leave you any money in their will.
I'll stay home if I were your grandparents or send them to my home. We can have a large drink and toast to Boris wellbeing and health.
Labour voters think that they are better than the rest of us but you aren't.

SugarNyx · 19/12/2019 20:02

You both sound like immature snowflakes who can’t deal with someone having an opinion different from yours. They’re your grandparents and they love you and it would be cruel and rude to uninvited them just because they don’t see the world in the way you do. And that’s coming from a millennial.

AllideasAndNoAction · 19/12/2019 20:45

politically I think they're wrong and they obviously think I'm wrong but there's enough that we do agree on and they're not racist, homophobic etc.

Wow, I found one. I actually found one. Where have you been hiding for the last 3 years and why didn't you speak up sooner? Is it just you, or are there more of you out there?

Amara123 · 19/12/2019 21:03

Back to school Thornhill! You might want to read the few posts that the OP did.
Her grandparents like to laugh at poor people, scoff at people who shop in Iceland to save money and blame poverty on the poor.
But maybe you could toast to that too, after the Boris toast? (I wouldn't invite him though, I hear he doesn't handle booze too well!)

On a serious note, I've friends and family of all political persuasions, love them all. None of them are arseholes who think themselves above people of lesser means, and that's the difference.

Nonnymum · 19/12/2019 21:23

To be honest they don't sound like very pleasent people and I don't think I would want to ruin my Christmas by spending it with them either. What would you like to do?

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 19/12/2019 22:39

Wow, I found one. I actually found one.

Found what?

Thornhill58 · 19/12/2019 22:50

@Amara123 the grandparents may not be the most charitable but it's equally tiring to hear lefties.
Socialist are supposed to be more tolerant, inclusive, charitable than us on the right side of politics.
I do think that all of us should keep quiet about our political views to respect others that don't share our ideas.

CrossingTheAlpsInOtley · 19/12/2019 22:56

Do they really laugh at poor people, scoff at Iceland shoppers or is this some sort of fantasy identikit of a Tory Voter to get people frothing?

Do they eat children, wear the scalps of Labour voters as a girdle and drown day old kittens? You know, I wouldn't be surprised. After all, they are Tory Voters?

Pardon me if I think this is a load of old shite.

Bottleup · 19/12/2019 23:05

Your DH is a legend.

Amara123 · 19/12/2019 23:05

I think where we're all going wrong is that we're not calling out bad behaviour on our own sides of the political divide. Politics has become so polarised that a metric tonne of conseratives piled on here to defend a pair of rude bores, just because they were described as Tories. (And this kind of thing is done equally by liberal people too, so I'm not leaving anyone off the hook here!)

But this is a dangerous place politically. It means the supporters of whichever party is in power are less likely to question their leaders or political representatives as they don't want to "let the side down" or "play into the opposition's hands". We need to have the confidence again to openly question and especially openly question the party we support, whatever that is.
Frankly a lot of shady behaviour was brushed under the rug by both main parties and I'm utterly disgusted by the character of the current pm. But the worst part was watching the electorate shamble after their party leaders with minimal dissent or holding to account. It's easy to do this for the party you don't support, much harder for the one you do.

I think this is the only way to bring the country back together. I'd like to see some compassionate conservatism etc.

Amara123 · 19/12/2019 23:07

And Thornhill, I agree with you about keeping quiet about politics. There is a time and place where it can be fun and interesting to exchange views, but Christmas dinner should probably be low on contention!

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 19/12/2019 23:09

I do think that all of us should keep quiet about our political views to respect others that don't share our ideas.

Really? The problem is people (and I mean on all sides) being rude and unpleasant, not the actual discussions themselves. It's good to have your views challenged occasionally. Plus it's impractical, so many things have a political element and it effects so much of our lives what would there be left to talk about - even the weather would be out!

Thornhill58 · 19/12/2019 23:38

Amara absolutely time and place for everything. Christmas isn't the time to get political. Nothing good or pleasant will come out of ruining a time for celebrations.
I think we are right now very tired and grumpy. I'm fatigued with it all.
2019 has been utterly exhausting.

JolieOBrien · 20/12/2019 04:33

Why doesn't the OP put a notice on the front door saying No Politics Allowed in Here

Biber · 20/12/2019 05:17

They don't sound like the sort of people I'd want in my house. Just because someone is a relative doesn't mean you have to tolerate crappy views. And right now, yes. Anyone who voted Tory has voted for more loss of people's rights, more poverty and general shit. It takes a lot to forgive someone who has voted for more tory misrule and to take me and my children's rights and future away.

Spamantha · 20/12/2019 05:37

Unfortunately DH and I both have family members like your grandparents. My stepfather and his brother are both very far right.

Both of them talk politics (and, in my step-fathers case, conspiracy theories) all day. Sitting quietly has no effect and if you express disagreement they get very angry. Over last Christmas dinner, we were treated to racist jokes (well, racist statements), hysterical laughter about the migrant children being separated from their parents in the US, stuff cast-iron guarantee that Barrack Obama was going to jail this year and all sorts of other crap.

You'll start a new topic of conversation but it never lasts more than 5 minutes. Family members dont agree with them but think it's best not to challenge them (less they explode with rage) and get pissed off if you say anything to counter them.

I dont enjoy it and wish i found it easier to escape my sense of obligation.

I have no problem being friends with people who have right-wing views - i can't abide racists or people who take actual pleasure from the suffering of others.

The thread title and the first post made DH seem unreasonable - subsequent posts has caused me to sympathize with him.

mathanxiety · 20/12/2019 06:13

Amara123 Thu 19-Dec-19 23:05:53

Wise and insightful post.

The middle has alas collapsed.

wonkylegs · 20/12/2019 09:03

I am unfailingly polite about politics with my dad who can hold some pretty vile views. Sometimes I let it wash but sometimes I call him out it depends how much energy I have.
However my mum (his ex wife but they are still close) has Alzheimer's and a life long LD has lost all politeness filters and can't do an awful lot anymore but weirdly still retains political views, had a massive rant at him this week - I suspect just because listening to the radio sparked something in her.
My 11yo DS will also tell grandad quite politely and articulately why racist/homophobic/ classist/ disablist views are unacceptable - he does it so well, calm and reasoned and without the outrage I feel (especially as I am disabled) that it makes me very proud of him.
We will avoid politics when he visits this Christmas, thankfully he's easy to distract, especially if we send in the toddler to just jump on him.

jewel1968 · 20/12/2019 09:33

Love the image of toddler jumping all over their granddad to distract him. Made me smile.

I have a close family member who has expressed anti-Semitic views in the past and it resulted in huge rows. This individual also thought that they were socially liberal and fought for equality rights for people. I kid you not. She also would say things about mums who breastfed for 'too long' suggested it was akin to child abuse. Guess how long I breastfed!

We have spent Christmas meals together in the past. And do I regret it - probably. We are now no contact!

Rubyupbeat · 20/12/2019 09:38

How dare he dictate to you.
And how thoroughly childish, a grown man demanding all ties to be cut because of elderly gps political views.
What's going to happen when your children grow up and go against his views?
This is a nasty situation and I wouldn't stand for it!

GrapefruitGin · 20/12/2019 09:44

Bloody hell..... your gparents and your h sound like knobs! Book a ticket to somewhere warm and spend Xmas day on your own!

Amara123 · 20/12/2019 10:17

No one trusts the other to hold their party to account. Conservative voters watched many labour voters (not all) support Corbyn while he flannelled around the anti semitism accusations. Labour voters watched conservative voters vote for a bumbling emotionally labile bigot as party leader who has now become pm. How can we trust one another if this is what we can turn a blind eye to?
Before people could grumble along under the leadership of the party they didn't support, because they trusted that it would be kind of ok, maybe not how they would like things done, but safe enough nevertheless. This assumption is off the table now.
Can those who support Corbyn or Johnson not admit their flaws or why people might feel anxious? Unfortunately fear has been weaponised in politics and it's hard to retreat from that.

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