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AIBU?

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
Christmasgravy · 15/12/2019 22:22

Oh ffs, will your DH be openly hostile to everyone who voted Tory?

OP is talking about her Grandparents who are bigots.
I'm sure if they were open minded, generous, tolerant, inclusive people this thread wouldn't exist.
Being Tory is, as I and others have said, a red herring.

cakeisalwaystheanswer · 15/12/2019 22:36

Thank you @Sarahnade for taking the trouble to explain. I have never understood the rules, I read a lot of the AIBU threads when I'm waiting for skype meetings but don't post much except on Education which has a very different vibe and is very SW London centric.

It does seem ridiculous though that I can post on a thread one day saying that the sky is red and then start a new thread the next day stating that it is absolutely black and refuse to accept any arguements to the contrary. But rules are rules.

LEELULUMPKIN · 15/12/2019 22:49

You are clearly doing Christmas wrong op if there isn't some massive family row. Invite em!

Figmentofmyimagination · 16/12/2019 08:44

You could tell them you’ve changed your plans this year and that all four of you will be spending the day going to the Christmas service and then helping to eg serve Christmas lunch at a homeless centre. There will be no time for chat then.

BigFatLiar · 16/12/2019 08:56

If they come around rather than 'debate' he can simply state that they are horrible people and is only putting up with them for your sake.

Have dinner, leave them watching telly and go for a nice walk together after lunch.

JaJoJe · 16/12/2019 13:24

It sounds like your grandparents are horrible people frankly, that mock anyone less fortunate according to what you say and it doesn't sound like you agree with them or even really like them that much either.

I wouldn't want them there either, just because they are family doesn't mean you have to deal with being insulted in your own home.

Outspoken needs to stop being used as an excuse for simply being rude, classiest, sexist, racist, abilist or anything else that its usually tacked onto to.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 16/12/2019 13:39

I did put YANBU but reading more and more of your thread your grandparents sound bloody horrible so I am Team your DH I am afraid.
I vote neither Tory nor Labour so can see both views but yea, they do sound racist and classist too.

ScreamingLadySutch · 16/12/2019 13:45

Your husband is intolerant and pathetic.

Show him this thread: you, Sir, are a dick.

He [his attitude] is actually the reason why Boris got such a landslide.

He needs to grow TF up and give himself a short lesson in freedom of speech, freedom of association and democracy. THANK GOD people who think like him aren't anywhere near the levers of power.

Hotseat · 16/12/2019 13:56

That's the result of marrying a 10 year old. He sounds horrible and bitter. If you have dc and they grow up to favour, Tories/libdem/madhatterstea party, will he despise them also?

Butchyrestingface · 16/12/2019 14:04

@hotseat, @ScreamingLadySutch, have you read the thread?

catspyjamas123 · 16/12/2019 14:53

@Hotseat good point. My DS didn’t vote the same way as me - I still love him just as much and can’t wait for him to be home for Xmas.

Discustard · 16/12/2019 15:14

It's not actually about how they voted is it, it's that they are rude and unkind and your husband doesn't like it. My parents both voted differently to me for parties that I would probably never vote for but we still get on OK. Same with my mum's best mate who was a tory Councillor whereas I am the worst kind of corbynista according to prevailing mumsnet opinion. She is a nice lady and we agree on more than we disagree. So if they are horrible in ways you can't tolerate, lay out your boundaries and if they fail to respect them there's your answer.

JaJoJe · 16/12/2019 15:41

The people scolding the DH clearly haven't actually read the thread, just the title which isn't actually the issue.

OP points out the grandparents are openly bullies of everyone not as privileged as themselves and disrespectful of others with different views.

tallulahwullah · 16/12/2019 15:53

Another buffoon remaniac!

NoSauce · 16/12/2019 17:09

Another buffoon remaniac

Wouldn’t expect anything less from the likes of a brexiteer.

Grannywanny · 16/12/2019 17:10

Gosh you married a twat

Lizzie0869 · 16/12/2019 17:26

Quite clearly the thread had the wrong title, and it's hardly surprising there are still posters responding saying the OP's DH is a twat. Whereas if the OP had provided the full picture in the original post, the thread would have gone very differently.

I don't normally complain about drip feeding as it's impossible for the OP to provide all necessary information without it becoming far too long. But in this case, the truth was the opposite of what she originally posted. Her DH surely wasn't objecting because her DGPs voted Tory, but because they're thoroughly obnoxious people who mock those who try to help people worse off than themselves.

On top of this, the rest of the family are NC with them.

If that had been the original post, then YANBU would have been the universal response.

Millie202002 · 16/12/2019 17:26

Your husband sounds like a prick.

Millie202002 · 16/12/2019 17:28

People are falling out because of different views when all of them are just full of shit regardless of who you vote for!

Spodge · 16/12/2019 17:29

Bother. I voted YANBU on the basis that YANBU to be upset about this ridiculous attitude. Now I see that I have voted wrong.

Desperado40 · 16/12/2019 20:18

I am so shocked about all the horrible comments about your DH. Just imagine for a minute it was not about political parties at all, but about racist views. Would you seriously want 2 hateful people to be invited round for one of the loveliest day in the year only because they are related? What a lot of nonsense. There is no need to spend time with horrible people only because you are linked by same blood. Just to add, PM had expressed very hostile and racist views and nobody is holding him accountable for the hurt he’s caused. No wonder, if the general consensus is to grin and bear it!

theunknownknown · 16/12/2019 21:29

I totally agree with your husband. It is not just a difference in opinion, it is a completely different ideology and outlook on life.
Frankly your pils sound disgusting.
I would be proud if my husband took such a stand.

Tavannach · 16/12/2019 21:37

Peace and Love.

Greet them at the door with these words, and if the conversation veers off in the wrong direction repeat endlessly.

Your DH can go out for a walk if that doesn't work. Or squeeze out some tears. Who cares what they think of him? I don't think you can abandon elderly relatives because of their political views.

LovePoppy · 16/12/2019 23:00

Your DH can go out for a walk if that doesn't work. Or squeeze out some tears. Who cares what they think of him? I don't think you can abandon elderly relatives because of their political views.

But a man should be made to leave his house be Shaw his wine invited guests who can’t respect his family by being polite?!

Would you suggest the same if I woman was uncomfortable with her inlaws?

Winter2020 · 16/12/2019 23:20

Smilebehappy123

Sorry I forgot to add the AIBU part is to uninvite them to keep the peace , DH says he will only attend their funerals now once the time comes but no further effort will be made

You should tell your husband "that's a shame - they had wanted to leave me a significant proportion of their wealth but I wouldn't be so hypocritical as to accept anything if we are not going to bother with them" let's see if his lefty values are string enough to pass up an inheritance