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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
FoamingAtTheUterus · 15/12/2019 17:10

What's wrong with being called Lazy ?? Maybe she is ?? If that's the best you can dig up I think you need to dig a little bit deeper. 😂😂😂

Blitzen2 · 15/12/2019 17:12

I don’t see what it is about Christmas that suddenly demands everyone becomes part of a lovely happy family.

It’s really only a day after all. You shouldn’t have to spend it with people who you don’t like or who are going to upset you just because it’s Christmas. Everyone is entitled to have a nice day, nobody should have to be forced into an awful day just to please others

LunchBoxPolice · 15/12/2019 17:14

But if you read her other threads, she is lazy Grin

LovePoppy · 15/12/2019 17:43

You don't spend time with family at Christmas to agree about politics. You spend time with your family because they are your family! (Not his family granted but they are your family and he is your husband ergo they are his family too...). He needs to grow up. I can't discuss politics with my brother so we just avoid it at Christmas and family occasions.

Maybe someone should tell this to the Grandfather who refuses to not talk politics then?

Mulledwineinajug · 15/12/2019 17:51

Your grandparents sound horrible. Your dh is not being u not to want to associate with them.

snowball28 · 15/12/2019 17:52

Honestly I was very ready to say HIBU but actually they sound insufferable and cruel and them boring conservative is the least of your problems.

Personally I would want to socialise with them either way.

It can be done if both sides have respect for one another, one of my closest friends vote story and is rather right wing, I’m a leftie through and through. We discuss politics occasionally but both respect and kindness towards one another. I don’t think I’d like the kind of comments they’ll make tainting my Christmas Day.

Sparkletastic · 15/12/2019 17:55

I'm with your DH. Fuck 'em. They've got their unearned cash to keep their chilly hearts warm at night.

slipperywhensparticus · 15/12/2019 18:01

Be ill he might have calmed down by next year

VillageFete · 15/12/2019 18:27

I don’t blame him Xmas Smile It would ruin my Christmas day if I had to share Christmas lunch with a couple of passionate Tories who were vocal about it.

However, season of goodwill & all that, so if your Grandparents can agree not to bring politics up on the one day it actually really shouldn’t be brought up, then he’d be bitter and mean not to let them come.

If they do bring it up though then I think he’s well within his rights to ask them to leave immediately.

PhilSwagielka · 15/12/2019 19:12

@pinboard Wow, that's gross.

And before anyone sneers at me for being a typical Labour voter or whatever, making fun of disabled kids is a shitty thing to do regardless of politics.

ddl1 · 15/12/2019 19:29

'Well I hope when these independently wealthy GPS who’ve never really needed to work croak it, you and your parents will be donating all of your inheritance to charities benefitting the disadvantaged? I mean to do anything less would be hypocritical, wouldn’t it?'

Since OP's parents are NC with the grandparents, it's quite possible that they and their children will get little or nothing from the will. In any case, this shouldn't really be the consideration in deciding whether to invite them; though in the real world it sometimes is.

ddl1 · 15/12/2019 19:30

'And before anyone sneers at me for being a typical Labour voter or whatever, making fun of disabled kids is a shitty thing to do regardless of politics'.

Fully agree!

slinkysaluki · 15/12/2019 19:35

How pathetic 😢

ooooohbetty · 15/12/2019 19:38

Your husband isn't a kind man. He's nasty. I don't understand why it would spoil your Xmas if they started talking about politics. You don't agree with them, so what? Don't join in the conversation. Tell them you don't want to talk about it. I'm spending Xmas with a family of Labour voters. They can say what they want about the election. It won't bother me one jot and I wouldn't consider not inviting them because we disagree.

CharlottesPleb · 15/12/2019 19:43

Who people vote for is a good indicator of who they are as people their values etc and if he finds that doesn't align with his beliefs

You know who requires other people to align with their own beliefs?

There are hundreds of applicable words here. "Narcissist" and "totalitarian" are two of them.

dorisdog · 15/12/2019 19:45

I wouldn't invite someone round my house, if they have views like that about homeless people.

I don't think he's being unreasonable. Mind you, me and my partner would totally agree on that.

TheGardenFairy · 15/12/2019 19:51

I'm sure your DP is able to tell your GP they are not welcome at yours for Christmas. If you agree with his stance I hope you are not beneficiary of their will tbh. Everyone is entitled to vote according to their own cicumstances.

BTW your DP is pathetic!

everythingisginandroses · 15/12/2019 19:51

Uninvite the old bastards and have a very happy Christmas! Star

cakeisalwaystheanswer · 15/12/2019 20:13

I am trying to understand why my post copying and pasting the title of a thread the OP started about her husband has been deleted. With all the abuse and insults hurled around MN I can't understand why reposting something the OP herself posted can possibly be seen as offensive. Surely it was only enlightening.
No doubt another post deletion for goodness knows what, it must be a quiet night at MN HQ.

SarahNade · 15/12/2019 20:18

Dragging posts from other threads is not allowed on MN.

MummytoE · 15/12/2019 20:18

Bit harsh I'm just saying why would he willing spend time with people who he is likely to argue with and be annoyed with and who he obviously has nothing in common with

sqirrelfriends · 15/12/2019 20:21

Oh ffs, will your DH be openly hostile to everyone who voted Tory? Life is too short to get this upset over other people's choices and opinion (both of which they are entitled to have)

PhilSwagielka · 15/12/2019 20:24

There's voting Conservative, and then there's voting Conservative and being a giant dick about it. The grandparents are clearly in the latter category.

flirtygirl · 15/12/2019 20:33

It's up to everyone who they choose to spend time with. Xmas day is important to many so it would also be important that it is enjoyable. Why would you spend time with people whose company you did not enjoy?

I would not, it doesn't matter the reason ie tory voting, leave voting, racist, whatever it may be. I would not spend time with people who I did not like or whose world view and opinions I don't like. And I'm not talking basic opinions but opinions that go to the core of their personality like the ops grandparents.

And since anyone can be abusive or violent, just because they are a parent or grandparent, does not excuse them being abusive and just because you share blood does not mean you have to put up and shut up.

The man I do not call father thought that we had to be there for him as he got older because he got older. Well selfish, abusive people get old too. You don't have to respect people just because they are older or family.

You respect people who show you and others respect. The people that you invite into your home on important days or for a meal at any time are the people who you respect, like, love or who you have other good things in common with.

The tory voting stuff is a red herring but it does speak to their core personality with the updates provided by the op. Unless you also think like this or they respect a ban on discussing their opinions and thoughts then you would not would them to be in your company. Anyone who does is a masochist or a martyr and I am neither.

flirtygirl · 15/12/2019 20:35

And life is not too short to put up with people who you do not like or whom you have totally different world views with.

Life is actually too long to put up with these people. That's is not to say you be mean or rude or just stupid. But you do not have to invite these into your home. You do not have to have anything to do with them, family or not.