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AIBU?

To not want friends using our home whilst we’re away

435 replies

Chercando · 13/12/2019 22:33

We live in a tourist area and have for 5yrs. Most of our long standing friends live in the city and in the time we’ve been here we’ve had visitors I can count on 1 hand (and even then because they’ve had business in the area/funerals/other friends or family to see) and this is despite us having 2 babies in this time. Contact has been mainly because we’ve driven 7hrs to see them. My partner has known these friends for over 10yrs and me about 7yrs.
We’re going away over Xmas and a couple from the group heard about this. They are currently travelling around the country deciding where to settle and have just come back from 5mths travelling overseas too. They’ve had a few months of staying with members of the friends group in the city and want to stay in our house whilst we’re away, especially because it’s the place to be for the holidays. They ‘might’ do a night with us at our holiday place but more to make getting the keys ‘easier’. I haven’t spoken to them for 3yrs despite sending messages and my partner’s seen the guy 2 times. They haven’t been in touch at all since they came back from travelling.
He’s said yes to them staying but I feel really uncomfortable with this. This is our family home, they’ll be sleeping in either our bed or our children’s rooms and they also want to have another couple we know around whilst we’re away. There’s been no talk of them all coming to join us for the day (it’s only a 40min drive from our house) and I feel like we’re being used a bit. My partners really upset I’ve compromised at them staying but not using the house to entertain. He thinks this is insulting especially to the other couple who we are actually much closer to. I just don’t want them thinking it’s a free for all and the stress of clearing things away, getting rooms ready, paying utilities whilst we’re away etc. I am quite a private person and it’s really important to me that my home is my sanctuary which I have some control over but my partner doesn’t seem to understand.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

3276 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
2%
You are NOT being unreasonable
98%
toodlethenoodle · 13/12/2019 22:34

I would absolutely not under any circumstance let them stay in your house.

toodlethenoodle · 13/12/2019 22:36

They haven't made an effort with either of you in years but will happily sleep in your bed and entertain in the house whilst you're away? OP please put a stop to this.

Echobelly · 13/12/2019 22:36

I think if you're just not comfortable with your home being used like that, you're entitled to say so. My dad never liked people staying at theirs unless he felt able to cope with it, so you're entitled to say 'Nothing personal, but I'm not comfortable with other people staying in our house/room' (don't say anything about infrequency of contact, that would just muddy the waters)

My parents have a house abroad, and others can use it, but their bedroom is sacrosanct and only they can use it, which is totally fair.

Caselgarcia · 13/12/2019 22:37

I agree, you are being used. I wouldn't want them in my house without me being there.

toodlethenoodle · 13/12/2019 22:38

There is also nothing for him to understand. It's half your house and you are being clearly used. You say clearly to your husband they are not staying. He can send them a link to a local B&B.

Pipandmum · 13/12/2019 22:38

I only let one or two friends who I know very very well and trust stay in my home while I'm not there. So absolutely your partner should not have said yes without consulting you. I can't see how you can get out of this but they are absolutely taking advantage.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 13/12/2019 22:38

Contact them yourself and say no. Your dh made a mistake. What CFs.

Gottalovesummer · 13/12/2019 22:40

Absolutely not.

Your feelings about having them stay in your home trump your partners upset about you being uncomfortable about it.

They can book a hotel, I think they're being CF 's to be honest.

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/12/2019 22:41

Also op I think if anything happens you're insurance won't pay out either
Use that as a get out clause

KrampusTime · 13/12/2019 22:41

No way would I allow this for people that hadn't spoken to me in 3 years.

And I'd be furious with DH agreeing it. Is he going to do 2 loads of bedding laundry, and clean the house after their stay?

windycuntryside · 13/12/2019 22:43

I would never in a million dead bodies allow this. They are using you,

Ohyesiam · 13/12/2019 22:43

I’d welcome friends with whom I had a mutually respectful relationship staying in my absence . But not these chancers.

Katzia · 13/12/2019 22:46

You need to tell your partner that he has to rescind the invitation as you are not at all comfortable with people in your home when you're not there. If he still insists then say that you really don't want all the extra work them coming to stay involves and that if he still insists they come, all the prep is down to him, including finding somewhere safe and secure to store all your private papers etc. Mean it and do nothing regarding preparations. Would that make him change his mind when he realises the work involved? I would hate this. Don't even like guests when I am at home.

Izzidigne · 13/12/2019 22:52

I would be very unhappy with someone staying in my house without me there. They are being CF and unfortunately some people don't respect you unless you respect yourself enough to put your foot down and say 'no'.

IvysMum12 · 13/12/2019 22:53

Explain that your House Insurance is invalid if the house is occupied by anyone not on the policy, and you are absent.
It may even be true!

madcatladyforever · 13/12/2019 22:55

I cannot ever imagine having the brass neck to ask people I never bother to go and see if I can use their place as a doss house.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/12/2019 23:02

Cheeky fuckers.
AND/OR
Holiday cocklodgers?

WaggleWiggle · 13/12/2019 23:02

Absolutely no chance I’d allow this. Your partner needs to tell them that he’s made a mistake and your home won’t be available for them to stay in over Christmas. If they press, tell them your Christmas is busy enough without the added responsibility of acting as an unpaid Airbnb hostess. Cheeky bloody buggers.

rhubarbcrumbles · 13/12/2019 23:03

OP I am sure you will find that your house insurance won't cover you for guests when you are not there. Such a shame.....

5zeds · 13/12/2019 23:07

That would be a big “no” from me.

Lifeinaplasticbox · 13/12/2019 23:08

Your partner is a sap agreeing to this and even more so for now getting upset that you don’t want them.
I can understand if it was really close friends but fair weather acquaintances who’ve only got in touch because you’ve got an empty, it would be the easiest no from me

PrincessMargaret · 13/12/2019 23:09

Absolutely not! The bare faced cheek even to ask!

Whoops75 · 13/12/2019 23:13

I wouldn’t be happy either but would try to compromise for dh.
I would lock my bedroom and let them use the rest of the house.

Chunkers · 13/12/2019 23:18

If they are as cheeky as they sound, the no additional guests rule will just be ignored for sure. The worst part of this is your partner agreeing without discussing with you first. If you need an excuse to refuse, say that you had already agreed for some of your family to house sit while away.

FruityWidow · 13/12/2019 23:22

Charge them market rate going on Airbnb. Then add a Christmas rate on top plus a cleaning fee.

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