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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want friends using our home whilst we’re away

435 replies

Chercando · 13/12/2019 22:33

We live in a tourist area and have for 5yrs. Most of our long standing friends live in the city and in the time we’ve been here we’ve had visitors I can count on 1 hand (and even then because they’ve had business in the area/funerals/other friends or family to see) and this is despite us having 2 babies in this time. Contact has been mainly because we’ve driven 7hrs to see them. My partner has known these friends for over 10yrs and me about 7yrs.
We’re going away over Xmas and a couple from the group heard about this. They are currently travelling around the country deciding where to settle and have just come back from 5mths travelling overseas too. They’ve had a few months of staying with members of the friends group in the city and want to stay in our house whilst we’re away, especially because it’s the place to be for the holidays. They ‘might’ do a night with us at our holiday place but more to make getting the keys ‘easier’. I haven’t spoken to them for 3yrs despite sending messages and my partner’s seen the guy 2 times. They haven’t been in touch at all since they came back from travelling.
He’s said yes to them staying but I feel really uncomfortable with this. This is our family home, they’ll be sleeping in either our bed or our children’s rooms and they also want to have another couple we know around whilst we’re away. There’s been no talk of them all coming to join us for the day (it’s only a 40min drive from our house) and I feel like we’re being used a bit. My partners really upset I’ve compromised at them staying but not using the house to entertain. He thinks this is insulting especially to the other couple who we are actually much closer to. I just don’t want them thinking it’s a free for all and the stress of clearing things away, getting rooms ready, paying utilities whilst we’re away etc. I am quite a private person and it’s really important to me that my home is my sanctuary which I have some control over but my partner doesn’t seem to understand.

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 14/12/2019 05:49

Yes
Yuk.

SleepWarrior · 14/12/2019 05:50

Oh have some fun with it, go on! Phone them up and gush:

"I didn't realise DH was going to blab about our B&B plans so early on so I haven't got the website up and running yet, but I'm just so excited that you two are going to be our first customers! Obviously without the website you will need to do a direct transfer for the deposit - i'll email you our bank details - did DH say how much it would be? No? Well it's £150 as a deposit, and then another £150 per night, payable the week before you arrive. What am I saying, this should be mates rates... I'll knock 15% off. Oh you'll have to let me know if you'd like me to leave you a breakfast hamper. It's £15 per person but the sausages and bacon come from a wonderful local farm blah blah blah"

Either they'll worm out of the whole thing and never bother you again, or they'll feel too embarrassed and you can merrily take their money and then change your mind about your dream of owning a little B&B.

mathanxiety · 14/12/2019 05:56

Text
"I'm surprised you still remember we exist! It must be, let's see, at least...good gracious, is it three years since we last heard from you? Hoping you weren't serious when you requested the use of our home for the Christmas holiday? In case you were, I have absolutely nothing to say except (1) LOL, of course you cannot stay in our home for the holiday, and (2) I am gobsmacked at your cheek."

So you burn a few bridges/ boats/ whatever. Meh.

Emeraldshamrock · 14/12/2019 06:01

No way put your foot down. Your home is not a hotel.
It is not like you'll see them again soon.

Emeraldshamrock · 14/12/2019 06:03

LOL, of course you cannot stay in our home for the holiday, and (2) I am gobsmacked at your cheek
Priceless advice 🤣😜

Chercando · 14/12/2019 06:07

😁 awesome idea!

OP posts:
Chercando · 14/12/2019 06:09

Grin love this!

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 14/12/2019 06:10

Do they live somewhere nice? We house swap it can be great

StarlightLady · 14/12/2019 06:17

I have allowed this myself, letting good friends I trust stay, who I see at other times of the year. It’s still not the same as coming back to a tidy house.

So my answer here is maybe, but it would depend on the individuals themselves.

elmosducks · 14/12/2019 06:27

Dear CF,
I hope that you have been enjoying your travels around the UK. Sadly, we are now unable to accommodate you over the Christmas period, due to our personal commitments. Sorry for the short notice, but I am sure that you will be able to find something that suits your needs.

Take care,

OP

Blahblahblah12345 · 14/12/2019 06:28

What CF. Just tell them no!

BlackCatSleeping · 14/12/2019 06:36

I agree, just say no. You don’t need to give an excuse. Your DH has no right to say yes without discussing it with you first.

Inglenooks · 14/12/2019 06:42

Is anyone else curious about which city this is - I can't think of anywhere that is 'the place to be' over Christmas as usually people just go to where they have family, do they not? Edinburgh perhaps, or York?

Notwiththeseknees · 14/12/2019 06:55

How about "So sorry to inconvenience you, but we have changed our plans and can't accommodate you. If you are still coming this way, look at Airbnb, they have some great houses and you might get a last minute deal! Lots of love xx"

FWIW, I Airbnb my house when I'm away and its £500 a night in my house for the prime Christmas nights and the same for NYE. Im always booked.

daisychain01 · 14/12/2019 06:58

It doesn't matter where it is @inglenooks and probably best not to draw the OP on it on social media given they have stated they will be away. Unless of course they fancy a nice visit from someone wearing a mask and carrying a bag marked "Swag"

mumwon · 14/12/2019 06:58

by all means you can come & stay but we have to get rid of the (rats, fleas, bedbugs etc) first which is why we are moving out for Christmas

Boxerbinky · 14/12/2019 07:03

I think @messolini9 has summed it up well. Tell them to do one!

Beautiful3 · 14/12/2019 07:06

I agree, you are being used. I would send a message to say, "I'm sorry, but our home is no longer available." Followed by a list of hotels in the area.

AlwaysCheddar · 14/12/2019 07:09

No way!!! Don’t do this. They arent even friends.

Elodie2019 · 14/12/2019 07:10

If you don't want conflict just make something up.

'Sorry, change of plan. We're thinking of having some work done on the house over Christmas whilst we're away so it's not available to use. Hope you manage to find accommodation'

Reilti · 14/12/2019 07:15

Are you going to say anything OP?

Honestly, I’m not a confrontational person but I think you should be calm but honest. Why make up excuses when these aren’t good friends anyway? If they’re angry and don’t contact you again, it’s win-win surely?

Or just say No. I have a people-pleasing DH and I think you’re going to have to take over here.

Loopytiles · 14/12/2019 07:19

Cheeky fuckers.

Your H shouldn’t have agreed and should contact them to say no.

PlumsGalore · 14/12/2019 07:35

Absolutely, totally, utterly, completely NOT

These are one hell of a CF couple.

My bloody is currently starting to boil.

christmassausages · 14/12/2019 07:39

No, no, no, no, noooooooooo

Hepsibar · 14/12/2019 07:40

I think your partner has been bounced into this by these people who prob go round sponging off people's kindness and are v good at trapping people into letting them stay. He said "Yes" without thinking thru, insurance, implications of getting the house ready, security of information, children's rooms being used, and children's things and so on.

Now you've checked the insurance and realise it's invalid, going to have to say cant let anyone stay without us being here.

They'll be used to making and changing plans ... they travel around a lot.

Arrange a meal or something when you get back and have caught up with everything ... they prob wont want that ... it's just the free accom they are after.