Drug addicted friend

[Anon2126]

Hi I really need some advice please!! I used to be friends with this girl I went to school with, unfortunately she went went down the wrong path 3 years ago when she met her boyfriend & started with taking heavy drugs with him! I tried talking to her, giving her advice etc but she just wouldn't listen so I cut her off. I barely drink & haven't touched any drugs in my life! She has recently got in touch with me again through social media. I really don't want to let her back in my life as I now have a 6 month old baby. I also have a new phone number & have moved address, as far as I know she doesn't know where I live. So after thinking long & hard about it & discussing it with my husband, I decided the best thing was not to respond & block her. However after discussing the situation with my friends, they keep telling me how cruel I am for just cutting her off & are saying she's probably clean & I should give her a second chance. They are making me feel like a really horrible person!! I've tried explaining that I'm only thinking about the safety of my baby & I can't risk someone with a drug problem being in my life & around my child but they are still calling me cruel!!! Help, I feel awful about it

I think you are being sensible. You don't need her in your life.

You don't owe her anything. Don't let her in to your life. If she is clean - great and she can move on with her life. If she's not clean you would be asking for trouble.

Formerbabe thank you!! I do too but my friends are making me so mean! 😔

Your friend could have been my dd.
She lost her real friends when her life turned out like your friend.

Hope your friend has managed to get clean and move on with her life.

I don’t think you need to block her but I wouldn’t respond to her friend request. After all, you aren’t friends so why would you?

Thank you, it's great if she is clean but I don't want her in my life. I don't understand why my friends are making me feel like I'm a horrible person??

Yanbu at all. I wouldnt risk my DC safety. You have no guarantee she has changed. you are doing the right thing.

Parkheadparadise I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, I hope she's clean & doing well 🤗 I hope my friend is clean too!!

That's exactly what I'm trying to do, protect my child's safety. It only takes people who know she's a junkie, to see my with her & tar me with the same brush & ring social services!! I'm not willing to risk it!!

But I don't think it's fair how my friends are making me feel about the situation 😔

What was she taking?

I’m going to disagree with other posters, she has contacted you through social media, you don’t need to give her any additional info or compromise your daughters safety. Being friends with her on FB or whatever may be a great boost to her.

Drug abuse is very complex. Yes, some will turn to crime and use and abuse friends and families but many have just made bad decisions that escalate and isolation and loss of friends will add to that. Not all drug users are bad people! And not to mention many are introduced to drugs through abusive relationship or the need to “escape” reality from some trauma.

And I have years of experience with dealing with drug users, I’m far from naive.

Can you just message her back and tell her about the baby and how busy you are and you hope she’s doing ok etc and see what she says. If she says she is doing well and clean then that’s great news and you can message her back and say how pleased you are to hear that and it would be nice to catch up at some point but at the moment you are just focussing on your family etc. And walk away with no guilt or worry.

If she replies to say things are not good you can say you’re sorry to hear that and to get in touch with her gp or social worker (or whomever it is that can help her) as you really want her to get better and then add the bit about youre very busy with family etc.and noes not a good time to catch up but to please seek help herself etc. And anything else you think you can help her by saying. You can’t be supporting her and looking after a young baby. Too much. I know you don’t want to abandon her but she’s a grown woman who needs to seek support, and you have a baby to prioritise.

It only takes people who know she's a junkie, to see my with her & tar me with the same brush
Nice comment

I would strongly suggest you don’t even entertain having contact with her. You absolutely don’t want an association with a druggie, especially when you’ve got a child. You owe her nothing.

Nickynacky she was taking heroin & crack!! I don't feel comfortable being friends with her on social media or socially. I don't want to be associated with a known drug addict, I have my child to think about. I don't want to risk some nasty person gossiping that I'm a drug addict too & social services being called on us. It's not a risk I'm willing to take! I hope she's clean & got her life together I really do, but that doesn't mean I have to have her in my life again!

Parkheadparadise I'm so sorry I don't mean to offend you or anyone else. But we had the same social circle so they know she has drug problems. She lives in the same town where I worked so I know a lot of people there. I just don't want to risk letting her back in my life when I have my child, I'm think about my baby's safety & I don't want to risk being seen with her & them thinking the same about me & calling social services. Again I deeply apologise for my comment, it came out totally wrong!!

You dont have to be friends with anyone you dont want to OP. I think your friends are correct to point out how stupid and judgemental you sound. Just block her be cause you know that nasty person gossiping that you mention? That's you that is and if she's in recovery, she certainly doesnt need that in her life.

Social services would not be in the slightest bit interested in who you are friends with on social media.

If you don’t want to be in touch with her, then don’t be.

Elieza, I tried helping her last time but she wouldn't hear anything about it. There's nothing else I could've done as she was at the stage where she wanted to get clean. No I really don't want to be in contact with her or give her any details about my baby or life. I don't feel comfortable with doing that at all hense why I blocked her!! My friends can't seem the grasp this. They're saying the same as you.

@DioneTheDiabolist
Excellent post.

It is your choice listen to your gut. I think your friends are calling you mean as they're projecting, if it was them, their sister, daughter.
Drugs can happen to anyone especially those who are fragile.
You're not mean, you have a different life now, if it was me I'd probably send her a message hoping she's well if she was a very good friend previously.

Diontthediabolist I'm not being nasty or judgemental. I haven't been friends with the person in 3 years!! As you say I don't have to be friends with anyone I don't want to be!! Would you let someone back in your life that's been addicted to heroin & crack be around your 6 month old child??

Why would she be around your baby?

I know it can happen to anyone! It really surprised me to find out she was taking heavy drugs as she'd always been dead against drugs!! I definitely think if she hadn't met this boyfriend she wouldn't have gone down that road. Especially as her best friend died of a heroin overdose!!

Nickynacky, I'm a stay at home mum so my baby is with me all the time, I don't have family or friends close by to babysit as we've just moved to a new area & my husband is a doctor & works long hours so if we did meet she would be around my baby!!!