Drug addicted friend

[Anon2126]

Hi I really need some advice please!! I used to be friends with this girl I went to school with, unfortunately she went went down the wrong path 3 years ago when she met her boyfriend & started with taking heavy drugs with him! I tried talking to her, giving her advice etc but she just wouldn't listen so I cut her off. I barely drink & haven't touched any drugs in my life! She has recently got in touch with me again through social media. I really don't want to let her back in my life as I now have a 6 month old baby. I also have a new phone number & have moved address, as far as I know she doesn't know where I live. So after thinking long & hard about it & discussing it with my husband, I decided the best thing was not to respond & block her. However after discussing the situation with my friends, they keep telling me how cruel I am for just cutting her off & are saying she's probably clean & I should give her a second chance. They are making me feel like a really horrible person!! I've tried explaining that I'm only thinking about the safety of my baby & I can't risk someone with a drug problem being in my life & around my child but they are still calling me cruel!!! Help, I feel awful about it

Tadada how am I being discriminating & judgemental? I'm sorry junkie is a horrible terms & I shouldn't have said it!! We weren't close friends, we occasionally met up!

She's found out you're married to a doctor.

To a smackhead, you've hit the jackpot there. Nice house, nice things, can spare twenty quid for some 'bread, milk and a fiver on the electric' - absolute jackpot.

Block and ignore your preachy friends, who don't seem to be falling over themselves to do anything bit have a go at you.

Maybe she has come out of the other side & she's got her life together, I really hope she has

Honestly sorry to sound harsh but I don't actually think it matters if she's clean or not...you have a baby, you feel uncomfortable about this..don't cause yourself unnecessary stress.

I decided the best thing was not to respond & block her. However after discussing the situation with my friends, they keep telling me how cruel I am for just cutting her off & are saying she's probably clean & I should give her a second chance.

This^^ from your OP is quite different from your last post OP.

Christ so much drama and pearl-clutching. If you really don't want to add her then don't add her. It didn't need a bloody mumsnet poll - especially since you've made it clear that you're not going to add her anyway, no matter what anyone else might say. But there is no harm going to come from adding her. She's not going to appear in your living room magicked out of your laptop screen. It sounds like she's had a bloody tough time.

You have no obligation to her. Posters on here are just jumping on you to feel self righteous. Even if she is clean she could still have chaos in her life in the future, if you have no desire to speak to her then don’t. You don’t owe her anything

@PapayaCoconut I agree totally re the emotional/psychic vampire aspect!

Also, to clarify there’s no pearl-clutching when it comes to inviting a crack & smackhead back into your life and the lies/drama/manipulation that comes with this. If you think there is, I would question how many crack/smackheads you’ve been friends with. As I’ve knew a lot at one point and even they know/joke what bastards they are/how they can’t be trusted!!!!

Imho there’s a huge distinction between recreational (even frequently recreational) drug use of coke/pills/speed/weed etc to being a rampant crack & smackhead.

Being properly addicted makes (otherwise lovely) people willing to rob & burgle their grandma. Why would anyone give non-addict OP a hard time for wanting to choose her own friends who also aren’t addicts???

Even if the old friend is now clean, OP is not obligated to associate with her as a result.

Even if she is clean she could still have chaos in her life in the future

It's a social media request, not living together!

I mean...not close friends...you OCCASIONALLY met up. Your lives took different paths. No, I don't think it's much of a thing that you don't feel like meeting up. Why do you have to be friends now if you weren't before?

I think whether or not you're being cruel or mean depends on how you said it to your friends. I simply can't imagine telling my friends "Sally added me, but I blocked her". You should've just ignored or even blocked her but not said anything to friends imo.

Also, as a pp said, she might not even be interested in meeting up. Maybe she just likes having a lot of SM friends.

And to the pp who said "smack head" . That is totally unnecessary. She is a human being, whatever her past.

@DeathStare we all know how these threads go, friend innocently accepts social media and then get bombarded by messages / requests/ guilt trips etc. She can still have boundaries in social media, it’s still a gateway. Again she has no obligation to accept a friend request!

I wouldn't have her back in my life either. Hopefully shes clean and doing well but of if you don't want involved either way that's absolutely your choice!

I agree with you OP. Why would you add her on social media when you have no intention of having any kind of relationship with her. Bizarre

Yes, because you heard she was a drug addict 3yrs ago, she's planning on calling round and shooting up with you and the baby. Perhaps a cup of tea and a crack pipe while she waits for your dp to come home and write her a dodgy prescription. Because if someone was reputedly an addict 3yrs ago it's not at all unreasonable and cuntish to write them off forevermore.

Some people with mh problems can be living nightmares to be around, and certainly don't behave in a way that anyone would want around dc. Yet I doubt anyone would think it acceptable to write off anyone that had depression 3yrs ago. Oh no, silly me, that's a mh problem worthy of sympathy and support, but drug addiction isn't a naice mc illness so just fuck ex addicts off.

On the plus side op's friend has dodged a bullet.

I didn't hear she was a drug addict excuse me, I know she is a drug addict for a fact actually!! Like I've said in my previous posts, I don't know if she's still using or not because I haven't spoken to her in 3 years. Yes I'm going to shoot up with her & then shoot up my 6 month old baby! Straight in the neck for both of us 😄 Ooh yes you can't beat a good crack pipe! 😂

Well I agree with your friends that it’s harsh to cut her off without even finding out her situation. Your baby isn’t in any danger from you talking to her via social media.

Too many exclamation marks, just don't respond.

No but the OP is in danger of being guilt-tripped and made to feel bad/put in a position of “help” which is probably an unwanted & -more to the point- ultimately fruitless distraction when she’s got a new family and life to focus on.

Don’t feel bad OP you’re not responsible for this girl and we all (hopefully) always wish everyone the best and that they ultimately are happy and successful. That doesn’t mean (I’ve learnt the hard way) that you can facilitate this.

If you do not feel comfortable continuing or reigniting any contact or friendship, irrespective of the context, sticking to your own opinion on this is the best decision for all parties involved.

Fwiw I personally would accept her request and see what the score is - but if the point is, if you don’t want to, that is totally valid.

Also when one starts doing loads of drugs and experiences the various life-fall-outs of this as a lifestyle then actually you realise very quickly that “straight heads” will cut you off and this is known/expected - sadly I know what I’m talking about so don’t patronise with the “harsh” as quite frankly it’s only the expected fallout from the horrible behaviour that you are fully aware (but don’t care) you are doing!!!!

I don't understand why you are getting a hard time OP. You know she was taking hard drugs but do not know for sure that she has stopped. For all we know, she might have ripped off and stolen from loads of people around her and run out of folk she can turn to for money or tell sob stories to and is trying to groom and use you next. Plenty of people do get clean but many more do not and cause devastation and harm to other people's lives. I had a junkie acquaintance rob my house while I was at my father's funeral. Nowadays, I keep anyone with an addiction far away from me and my family. You owe her fuck all.

Maybe your friends just took the opportunity to take a swipe at your attitude in general- perhaps listen to them instead of posting a 'please agree with me' thread? I think they're better placed to judge

@DeathStare we all know how these threads go, friend innocently accepts social media and then get bombarded by messages / requests/ guilt trips etc. She can still have boundaries in social media, it’s still a gateway. Again she has no obligation to accept a friend request!

Dear God what rubbish. Around 1 in 10 adults take drugs. If what you said was true we would all be bombarded with messages from 1 in 10 of our friends. All of us will have friends on social media who take drugs and we don't even know... and we aren't being bombarded with guilt trips from them!

It's entirely up to her whether she adds her or not, but this idea that she or her family are in any kind of danger if she does, is just a load of rubbish.

Your friends think you are cruel for not suddenly, after 3 years, wanting to reunite with a drug addict and drug addict boyfriend and nest of drug addict acquaintances and all that entails in your life near you and your lovely baby? Wow.

Playing on guilt is how you get sucked. Do not be guilty it is not your fault the path of drugs and ruin was chosen and you say you have tried to help previously. If anyone else feels that strongly, they can befriend them and that is their choice. Can you not leave her as a friend, but block her from seeing your posts and unfollow hers.

Might you consider making a donation to a local drugs and alcohol charity.

How does speaking to someone over social media affect the safety of your children?
Couldn't you just have a conversation with her? She isn't going to turn up at your house because you have moved.
She may be a drug addict, but you are talking about her as if she is carrying a deadly infectious disease.
You have already made your views on her drug situation clear, so her getting in touch with you may mean she has or is considering leaving her boyfriend and the drugs behind.
You don't need to be involved in that, but, if you are prepared to spend time chatting with strangers on the internet with a variety of life experiences (and the evidence suggests that you do), why would you be having such a melodramatic meltdown at the prospect of having a conversation with someone you have described as a friend, from a safe distance?
You are using your children as an excuse to blank this woman. Why?

Nope. Ive had two old school friends bring drugs to my house. One of them came to visit, been friends for years, the drugs fell out of their bag (a loose ectasy pill) i said "oh no youve dropped a paracetamol" she laughed at me and said i was innocent. my baby was in the house and I've never spoken to her since.
And one old school friend randomly got in touch, said they needed a catch up and were going through a hard time, i was pleased to hear from her and invited her for the evening, she behaved very strangely throughout dinner then suddenly admitted she was trying to come off of drugs, (cocaine), got their phone out and said they were calling their dealer. Walked out of the house to meet them leaving their posessions in my kitchen. I put her stuff outside the door and texted her to say please take your things and please don't come back.
The idea that we might not of noticed the pill fall from the bag and my crawling baby could have found it still haunts me to this day. Why would they consider bringing drugs to the house of a mum with young children? Because it's so normalised to them. Neither of them understood my horror at their behaviour.
I can't and won't knowingly risk someone who may bring drugs into my home. I have chosen not to remain in contact at all.
I'm sad for them that they have gone down this route but my family comes first. They told me they wanted contact because they wanted what I have and they hoped being around me would help them to see what they could have if they changed their lifestyle. But then unwittingly put my children at risk.

Are people stereotyping out of fear, hatred or complete ignorance? Just be grateful your not in their shoes and for the life you have, show a little understanding and compassion towards people suffering or who have been effected by this horrific disease that claims the lives of so many.

It really does sadden me people still ostracise and condemn a massive and ever expanding section of society- chances are you have someone in your life who is suffering this right now, be they a family member, colleague or acquaintance....addiction also isn't that choosy about which section of society it attacks - (No one famous, rich or powerful you know of hey?? Just low life scum who would rob your grannies....?).
'Get talking' about mental health yes (but apparently not 'those people'...they should keep to their side of the 'anonymous' street...)-
It's not about you not choosing to add this person on Social Media, it's about your attitude towards her- dont add her, you've no intention of being friends, but understand her path might have easily been yours or anyone elses- be grateful it wasn't, hope she's turned her life around, and just enjoy your xmas with your family.
Tis the season....