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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to divorce my DH over general election?

464 replies

SafferUpNorth · 13/12/2019 00:09

Feeling sick to the stomach at the predicted result. Have always assumed DH and I were roughly on the same page politically, but turns out he voted Tory 'because it's best for the economy' (WTF).

Just had a massive row... I actually cannot get him to acknowledge that by all indicators child poverty and food bank use have skyrocketed under the Tories and things will get even bleaker when the Uk 'gets Brexit done'. And let's not even mention climate change. I am terrified and DH thinks it's a great result. Is this where we part ways??

OP posts:
Nonnymum · 13/12/2019 12:49

is he not allowed a different opinion to you?
If I was OP I would say yes. But she is also allowed to reassess her relationship and wonder if he is the man she thought he was. This isn't something trivial like supporting a different football team. In this election more than any other who you voted for reflected who you are and your values.

Snowdropfairy85 · 13/12/2019 12:50

Over on another thread on here, someone is hoping all the leave voters “die off”, I think the level of hate is staggering! But yes OP is entitled to disagree with her DH, my point is more a wider one about the general attitude I’ve seen to people who’ve voted Tory.

AlexaShutUp · 13/12/2019 12:52

Funny how it's only the tolerant, lovely lefties who hate people who don't vote the same as them

Not really surprising. If you view politics as a matter of morality and social justice, and about doing what's right for society as a whole, like most left wing people do, then it's inevitable that you will judge people who appear to have no moral compass and not to give a shit about those who are less fortunate than themselves. If you see politics as essentially a game of self interest, like most right wing people do, then it's easy enough to accept that others may have different interests and therefore vote accordingly.

I think some people find it hard to understand why there is so much vitriol towards the right because they assume that everyone votes selfishly, just like themselves.

Nonnymum · 13/12/2019 12:53

Snowdropfairy85 the OP is not saying he can't vote for who he wants she is saying he is not the person she thought he was. She has a perfect right to consider whether she still wants to live with him

Runningonempty84 · 13/12/2019 12:56

I'd divorce my DH if he voted Tory. Not because I would "hate him", but because it would be proof that our values, ethics and priorities had moved so far apart.

Cheeseandwin5 · 13/12/2019 13:00

I assume your comments are tongue in cheek, so will respond accordingly.

Pickle

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 13:01

If you see politics as essentially a game of self interest, like most right wing people do, then it's easy enough to accept that others may have different interests and therefore vote accordingly.

To be fair, I think that a lot of labour voters are voting out of self interest too. It's not black and white, hence the swing to Conservative in some working class areas.

YouJustDoYou · 13/12/2019 13:02

Labour is the nasty party, Labour voters have spewed hatred and vileness non stop and now their party hasn't won they're being even more horrific. So yes, if my dh voted for those kind of people, I couldn't see how we would move forward, especially if he was calling everyone a fucking cunt and telling me I should go die.

Marleyisme · 13/12/2019 13:04

If you view politics as a matter of morality and social justice, and about doing what's right for society as a whole, like most left wing people do, then it's inevitable that you will judge people who appear to have no moral compass and not to give a shit about those who are less fortunate than themselves.

That's such bollocks. Most people boring labour who also like to spew vitriol do so, for one reason. Because they can and cover themseleves with "I just care to much for other people"

Bollocks do they care more. They just care about being right more.

AlexaShutUp · 13/12/2019 13:07

To be fair, I think that a lot of labour voters are voting out of self interest too. It's not black and white, hence the swing to Conservative in some working class areas.

Yes, I completely agree, and we've seen it happen in this election. I guess I wouldn't describe those voters as "left wing" though, because they're not motivated by ideology in any way, they're just voting for their own interests. I'm talking about the many educated left wingers who vote against their own self interest in the hope of creating a fairer society for everyone. Inevitably, those people will see politics as a moral issue, whereas those who are just voting for whoever will put the most money in their own pockets won't.

Dandelion1993 · 13/12/2019 13:07

YABU

He is entitled to his own view and can vote however he wants. This is why I never tell anyone who I vote for.

Snowdropfairy85 · 13/12/2019 13:08

Ha ha this is so true- wishing death on people who voted leave because they just “care so much” about everyone and have a better moral compass!

Somanysocks · 13/12/2019 13:09

@CanIHaveADrink then why bother getting married if you are not prepared to try.

Many people have got over affairs etc. There are no guarantees when you get married.

AlexaShutUp · 13/12/2019 13:10

I don't wish death on anyone, but I do wish that there was a way of ensuring that only those who voted for this shit show have to deal with the fallout. Sadly, we'll all have to suffer.

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 13:16

Many people have got over affairs etc.

I think that their spouses would usually consider whether to divorce though and funnily enough no one would tell them they were being childish, ridiculous or controlling. We all have our red lines.

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 13:28

He is entitled to his own view and can vote however he wants.

And OP is entitled to not stay married to him. You talk as if it is just a case of deciding what to have for tea. It's not just a view, It is a vote for something which could have a profound impact on many if not all people in the UK.

Somanysocks · 13/12/2019 14:02

I wonder if Op would be quite as disgusted with her husband if Labour had won.

DdraigGoch · 13/12/2019 14:43

Germany weathered the worst of the financial crisis and therefore never needed to implement austerity measures. Despite this, German referrals to food banks are far higher than in the UK.

CanIHaveADrink · 13/12/2019 14:44

And many many women refuse to accept that and get divorce. The relationship threads are full of that.
Everyone has to decide what their boundaries/red lines are. The OP (and anyone else) is entitled to decide what her red lines are and stick to it

Yetanotherwinter · 13/12/2019 15:01

Why on earth do you have to have the same political opinions. My hubby voted differently than I did and our sons voted differently again. Just because you’re married to someone it doesn’t mean you have to vote the same party.

Fizzysours · 13/12/2019 15:43

Because political preferences speak volumes about who you are, and what you value.

reginafelangee · 13/12/2019 15:45

Get over yourself op - he is allowed to have a different opinion on how the country should be run.

Fizzysours · 13/12/2019 16:07

And she is allowed to dislike that view a great deal.

Abouttimemum · 13/12/2019 16:10

He’s allowed an opinion just like you are. Not everyone agrees and that’s ok. We voted differently on Europe but I’m not going to argue with him about it. if I fell out with people who thought differently to me I wouldn’t have any friends. Or family for that matter.