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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to want to divorce my DH over general election?

464 replies

SafferUpNorth · 13/12/2019 00:09

Feeling sick to the stomach at the predicted result. Have always assumed DH and I were roughly on the same page politically, but turns out he voted Tory 'because it's best for the economy' (WTF).

Just had a massive row... I actually cannot get him to acknowledge that by all indicators child poverty and food bank use have skyrocketed under the Tories and things will get even bleaker when the Uk 'gets Brexit done'. And let's not even mention climate change. I am terrified and DH thinks it's a great result. Is this where we part ways??

OP posts:
CanIHaveADrink · 13/12/2019 11:10

Wow, you can't even tolerate your HUSBAND having a different view to you. There is no hope!

I think that some views are saying a lot about who people are.
I personally wouldnt tolerate somene who is racist or xenophobic. If my DH was voting Conservatives 'to get rid all those immigrants', he would be out of the door. I would still consider it nowadays because voting conservative IS also giving your approval to xenophobic views (and anti islam etc...).
It is not about not accepting someone else pov. It is about knowing what you find ethically acceptable or not. Its about your boundaries. If it had been 15 yers ago, I would have had no issue with my DH voting conservative. NOW I have an issue becuse of their manifesto, the claims of the different tory MPs and the now PM. The Conservative party of 15 years ago isnt the same than the one now.

When a person holds views that are so much against what you really truly believe is basic human decency, then you need to make choice. I have chosen to ignore the fact my PIL are holding those views against immigrants but I will tell them to leave if they ever say anything along those lines in my own house. I will also leave (with my dcs) if they do when we are at theirs. If they cant be polite enough to not 'share' those pov to their EU DIL (me) and their dual national grand children, then I am afraid I will have nothing to do with them.
When it comes to your life partner, I couldnt have any respect for him and therefore yes, this will be the end of the relationship. Because how can you lve with someone day in and day out when they are living in such a different planet than you?

MarshaBradyo · 13/12/2019 11:12

If this is real then yes you’re being ridiculous.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 13/12/2019 11:12

Differences of political opinion are one thing, but when it reveals a yawning chasm in terms of personal values, I’d be doing some deep thinking too.

CanIHaveADrink · 13/12/2019 11:13

@Somanysocks except there are things you cannot compromise on.
I mean 'for better and for worse' so you should compromise on your partner being an alcoholic, gambling or having an affair then? I hope not.
When their views are clashing on a basic level, regardless of the subjects AND INCLUDING on politics, then there are no reason to stay 'because you have to compromise'

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 11:19

Have you worked with the FATCA regulations? HMRC would not have a chance to enforce it

What would they need to enforce? It would be the home office that doesn't that. They don't seem to have much of a problem removing British passports in people with dual nationality.

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 11:19

doesn't does

otterturk · 13/12/2019 11:20

Grow up

It's a bloody brilliant result GrinGrinGrin

otterturk · 13/12/2019 11:22

@CanIHaveADrink but Jew hate is ok?

Snowdropfairy85 · 13/12/2019 11:37

I didn’t say she wasn’t allowing him to actually vote, she’s considering divorcing him because he voted differently to her?! They’ve just had a “massive row” presumably he’s got an ear bashing for exercising free will is the point I’m making. There’s a lot of hounding people and bullying people over the way they’ve voted and it just isn’t right.

taratill · 13/12/2019 11:59

Children are actually dying

Those of you who believe that this is hyperbole clearly have had no dealings with children's mental health services.

This morning I am trying to get my supposedly 'high functioning' autistic teen an appointment with CAMHS because he is expressing a desire to kill himself.

He has previously been under the care of CAHMS who discharged him as they are not commissioned to deal with children on the autism spectrum in our area! This is despite the fact that he showed suicidal tendencies at 10 and is on anti depressant medication.

I have no chance of getting him seen promptly due to ridiculous waiting lists. I am therefore on suicide watch for the weekend and may have to resort to taking him, if it safe to get him in the car to A&E.

This is what the cuts in services have done for my family. And yes children are dying.

And disabled adults too for that matter.

Equality of opportunity....... so long as you are not disabled.

So OP you are not being unreasonable.

WatchingTheMoon · 13/12/2019 12:02

"Equality of opportunity....... so long as you are not disabled"

It wasn't any better under New Labour.

taratill · 13/12/2019 12:05

@WatchingTheMoon

I don't think I said it was better under New Labour. I don't know as I didn't have to deal with it then.

New Labour was not on offer in This Election.

What I do know is that based on policy our family and those like ours are far worse under Tory policy on SEN education than we would be under a labour government.

And my point was that children are dying and will die as a result.

taratill · 13/12/2019 12:06

Sorry should say on Sen Education and Autism and Mental health services.

I'm tired no sleep last night, not due to the luxury of following the election but due to my 13 year old trying to kill himself.

slipperywhensparticus · 13/12/2019 12:11

@taratill I'm so sorry your dealing with this I have similar here but not that bad yet please God not that bad ever

Skyejuly · 13/12/2019 12:12

We got completely dropped from camhs :( no funding!

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 12:13

*They’ve just had a “massive row” presumably he’s got an ear bashing for exercising free will is the point I’m making.

The massive row wasn't for voting. It was for who he voted for.

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 12:14

It wasn't any better under New Labour.

Whilst not perfect it was certainly a lot better!

Snowdropfairy85 · 13/12/2019 12:18

woodchuck99- I know she wasn’t trying to actually stop him voting, that is not what I’m saying! I understand they have had a massive row because he has voted conservative, what I am saying is that it’s not right to hound and harangue people just because you don’t like the way they have voted.

CanIHaveADrink · 13/12/2019 12:20

@otterturk, I didnt say that either! No hatred should have its place in politics or in the community.

Saying that our PM is xenophobic and has created anti muslim feelings doesnt ean you have to endorse Corbyn. Nor the other way around. There is no reason to vote Conservative just because of anti semitism In thenlabour party.

There are and were other options.

Aquilla · 13/12/2019 12:21

So your dh has a basic knowledge of history and economics which you lack. Stick around and you might learn something, op!

WatchingTheMoon · 13/12/2019 12:38

"Whilst not perfect it was certainly a lot better!"

Certainly wasn't for me.

WatchingTheMoon · 13/12/2019 12:40

"What I do know is that based on policy our family and those like ours are far worse under Tory policy on SEN education than we would be under a labour government."

You have more faith in Labour than I do then.

Their policies were wooly at best. I am a lifelong supporter but their message is all over the place.

NewNameGuy · 13/12/2019 12:41

Funny how it's only the tolerant, lovely lefties who hate people who don't vote the same as them

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 12:43

I understand they have had a massive row because he has voted conservative, what I am saying is that it’s not right to hound and harangue people just because you don’t like the way they have voted.

She didn't say that she hounded or harangued him though. They had a massive row because OP believes that poverty will be worse under the Tories and she is entitled to say that. He is obviously entitled to disagree but he didn't have to. Either way it takes two to argue.

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 12:45

Funny how it's only the tolerant, lovely lefties who hate people who don't vote the same as them

Not wanted to be married to someone with very different views is not the same as hating them.