Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to divorce my DH over general election?

464 replies

SafferUpNorth · 13/12/2019 00:09

Feeling sick to the stomach at the predicted result. Have always assumed DH and I were roughly on the same page politically, but turns out he voted Tory 'because it's best for the economy' (WTF).

Just had a massive row... I actually cannot get him to acknowledge that by all indicators child poverty and food bank use have skyrocketed under the Tories and things will get even bleaker when the Uk 'gets Brexit done'. And let's not even mention climate change. I am terrified and DH thinks it's a great result. Is this where we part ways??

OP posts:
Househunt1 · 13/12/2019 09:55

How could you divorce your Husband over this? You are worried about the impact one of the parties will have when it might not affect you, yet you are willingly letting it impact your marriage to the point of divorce. Why would you let these higher people rip through your marriage, if you can't agree then don't talk about it. Poor Husband.

carol045 · 13/12/2019 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 09:57

I find some of the comments on this thread so ignorant. So what if you vote differently to your DH. It doesn't mean that you have a really great marriage. It just means that you don't feel that strongly for or against a party in the first place. Commenting that we live in a democracy is also pretty ridiculous. We all know that but it doesn't mean that we should live with someone whatever their opinions.
I have certainly voted differently to DH in the past, but if he voted for Boris Johnson I would seriously question whether we had a future together as it would suggest that we were fundumentally different in our thoughts and opinions. That is because I know he would have given it a lot of thought though. I don't think that is the case for all Tory voters.

QueSera · 13/12/2019 10:02

How did you end up married to him if you didn't know his basic politics?

Snowdropfairy85 · 13/12/2019 10:08

Someone needs to take a serious reality check. People are allowed to vote how they want to, it’s called democracy! You’ve got to accept that people can vote for whoever they want to and just stop whingeing about it. I’m sick to the back teeth of hearing how people who voted conservative are ignorant, homophobic, sexist and racist! I voted conservative, I have a very good degree and half my family are mixed race! Why do some of these crazed left-wingers think it’s ok to bully anyone who has a different view point to them? Why do they think it’s acceptable to try and overthrow democracy?! All I hear is how terrible Tory voters are, who are the ones actually throwing all the stones? We can’t be paralysed by three more years of political turmoil, it’s time to respect democracy and move on from this bitterness.

Babochan88 · 13/12/2019 10:10

Divorce him because of a difference in opinion? I think you know that YABU

Jaxhog · 13/12/2019 10:17

My DH and I voted differently too. But we each have our reasons and a healthy difference of opinion about the best solution.

Anyone who voted Tory bears some responsibility for the result.
Well, yes. Grin

If we want democracy (and I hope we do), this is the result. Your opinion isn't 'better' than your DH's. Just different. If you are that dogmatic that you would throw your whole family relationship away then you will have a very sad life ahead of you. Why not have a balanced discussion instead? Perhaps he has a convincing argument too?

Beau2019 · 13/12/2019 10:22

Hang on here - you want to divorce your DH over a political vote?! Really?!

I mean each to their own but certainly NOT something I (or most others I can imagine) would consider having different political opinions as a divorce offence. Highly unlikely his single vote lead to the Tory win or will lead to all the things you say.

My personal opinion here, you are being very unreasonable and a bit dramatic.

Amber65 · 13/12/2019 10:33

Myself & my OH both voted for different parties. I don't control his thoughts & feelings and he does not mine. Although we have different views, that doesn't mean he is automatically a bad person, maybe just naive to the working class struggles today! That's my view anyway!

DameFanny · 13/12/2019 10:36

It's clear you don't share the moral values you thought you did - I don't know where you go from that Flowers

thecatsthecats · 13/12/2019 10:36

Hang on here - you want to divorce your DH over a political vote?! Really?!

I mean each to their own but certainly NOT something I (or most others I can imagine) would consider having different political opinions as a divorce offence.

I think it is ABSOLUTELY a relationship issue, but what baffles me is that it never came up before?

It doesn't matter on the specifics. Couples that find political compatibility important can marry politically compatible people, couples that don't mind can marry anyone they like. Just like I could never have married a non-animal lover.

But why in hell would you marry without knowing where the other person stands on the things that are important to you?

Memoriesmemories · 13/12/2019 10:40

He is entitled to his own opinion and is an adult.....
Let him vote how he so chooses!

PhilSwagielka · 13/12/2019 10:42

How did you end up together in the first place if this is what makes you want to divorce him?

1Morewineplease · 13/12/2019 10:43

I’m with you on this @PhilCornwall1

Been with my husband for over thirty years, our politics are different but we’ve kept it out of our marriage.

summersherewishiwasnt · 13/12/2019 10:44

He can vote for who he likes. Your inability to accept it is not really his fault.

Vemvet · 13/12/2019 10:44

Wow, you can't even tolerate your HUSBAND having a different view to you. There is no hope!

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 10:49

Someone needs to take a serious reality check. People are allowed to vote how they want to, it’s called democracy!

OP isn't suggesting that he shouldn't be allowed to vote though so how is that relevant?! She is suggesting that she may want to stay married to someone who clearly has clearly changed and now has views which suggests they are fundamentally very different and perhaps no longer compatible.

M3lon · 13/12/2019 10:50

My and DH voted different ways, but neither vote made any difference to the result in our constituency, so I guess we can carry on :)

underneaththeash · 13/12/2019 10:55

Your husband is right though, a labour government would be awful for the country financially. I'm sure he thinks you are misguided as well.

In the UK the top 1% of earner pay 27% of the tax, say 10% of these choose to leave the UK/stop working/move offshore due to ridiculously higher taxes, that's an awful lot less money in the pot to spend on services. Moderation is the key and once we have emerged from the stagnation of the last 2 years, the goverment will start spending on essentials.

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 10:56

It doesn't matter on the specifics. Couples that find political compatibility important can marry politically compatible people, couples that don't mind can marry anyone they like. Just like I could never have married a non-animal lover.

Absolutely. It baffles me that so many people seem to think that because political views are not important to them they shouldn't be important to anyone else. It's ironic that they are the ones telling OP that she doesn't respect different opinions etc when they are doing exactly the same thing.

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 10:59

Dh and I voted differently, though neither conservative. We are allowed to make our own choices however unsavoury!

You're allowed to make all sorts of "unsavoury" choices but that doesn't mean that your partner can't leave you for them.

woodchuck99 · 13/12/2019 11:02

In the UK the top 1% of earner pay 27% of the tax, say 10% of these choose to leave the UK/stop working/move offshore due to ridiculously higher taxes, that's an awful lot less money in the pot to spend on services.

Not if we do what the Americans do and tax anyone with a British passport wherever they live.

fromdownwest · 13/12/2019 11:05

@woodchuck99- Have you worked with the FATCA regulations? HMRC would not have a chance to enforce it

Somanysocks · 13/12/2019 11:07

Surely if you are married, at some point you said the words 'for better or for worse'. Marriage is a lifetime of compromise with the other person. If everyone only married people who agreed on every matter, very few marriages would happen.

Yabu and acting like a spoiled child. We get that you are disappointed but calm down, your husband hasn't actually done anything wrong.

thecatsthecats · 13/12/2019 11:09

You're allowed to make all sorts of "unsavoury" choices but that doesn't mean that your partner can't leave you for them.

Yes, back to my animal-loving example.

I grew up in the countryside with a bucket-load of pets and encounters with wild and farm animals. I want to live rurally again at some point, and have lots of pets.

Marrying someone who didn't like animals would be a big no-no. I wouldn't force someone to have pets if they didn't like them, I just wouldn't fall in love and marry them. But if we married on the basis that we did have pets, then they decided to announce that we weren't having pets, well, they can shove off then.

(One thing I am looking forward to is that my MIL always puts family above everything in a very claustrophobic way, but on Sunday her incredibly politically divided family are going to collide. Will bag myself a nice spectator seat for that one...)

Swipe left for the next trending thread