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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset at being left out during gift giving? giving

89 replies

Davegrohlsnewwife · 12/12/2019 18:14

I work as a SEN teaching assistant at a large school. Although I am primarily employed to work 1:1 with a child, I do also help to support other children in the classroom - with learning, personal care, accidents and during conflict etc. This year parents decided to club together and buy each member of staff one gift each. They bought a gift for everyone who works in our year group (including volunteers, trainees, part time staff etc) - but I didn't receive anything. It was rather awkward as other members of staff were given huge bundles and I was stood there not quite sure what to do with myself. I don't know why, but it has really upset me. I hate feeling embarrassed. I contributed to the gifts given to the children from the teacher's and my name is on their tags, so parents would definitely know who I was. How would this make you feel? AIBU to be a little hurt?

OP posts:
SweetAsSpice · 12/12/2019 18:16

Considering they’ve got gifts for everyone else, could it be that they made a mistake and forgot to get you something? clutching

Original poster
Davegrohlsnewwife · 12/12/2019 18:27

sweetasspice
I wondered this - but as they were handed out the parents walked straight passed me without acknowledgement. With the number of children in our care I'm sure one of the parents must have remembered me?

OP posts:
puds11 · 12/12/2019 18:29

Oh that’s super sad Sad

MrsMozartMkII · 12/12/2019 18:30

Ouch.

I hope it's somehow turned around.

Teachdeanta · 12/12/2019 18:30

Yanbu we club together and make sure SEN assistant gets a present. The work you do is invaluable. Some parents thought to only give a small contribution but it was divided up fairly between teacher and SNA. I would be mortified if a colleague was left out of gift giving.

Cyberworrier · 12/12/2019 18:30

Hmm, I remember when I was a TA this happening- I got more cards etc than the 1-1 TA. I think some parents maybe don’t realise how much all the adults in a school work together as a team. I know many 1-1 TAs who are great for the whole class. I’m sorry OP. I would try not to take it personally, even though it is disappointing.

Mumdiva99 · 12/12/2019 18:31

You are not unreasonable in feeling hurt. I would too. But the parents may have mistakenly thought if you were 1 to 1 that you don't do all the other things that you listed. Remember they aren't in the classroom to see these things. A quiet word from main teacher to arranging parent for next time would help.

I would also hope someone comes with something for you tomorrow. 🎁

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 12/12/2019 18:33

I think they probably assume that as you’re a 1:1 you don’t have anything to do with the other children. Sorry op, I would feel upset too Flowers

73Sunglasslover · 12/12/2019 18:34

As a parent whose children do not have additional needs and get very little TA support now they are older, I don't even know the names of the TA's in the class. Maybe that's the case in your school too?

Original poster
Davegrohlsnewwife · 12/12/2019 18:37

Thanks for your replies - it's a weird feeling. I don't mean to sound like I think I am entitled to anything - but at the same time I feel snubbed - or as if I am somehow not as important. I do try to make a positive impact on all of the children - I believe in praise to boost self esteem and celebrate every success. Feels like a kick in the teeth. I will get over it - just never happened to me before!

OP posts:
Pipstelle · 12/12/2019 18:39

If you're a 1:1 I think the parents won't know you suppprt the other kids and will assume that family has gotten you something which hopefully they have! Your class rep sounds a bit shit.

BeBraveAndBeKind · 12/12/2019 18:41

That's horrible, and for them to not even acknowledge you is very hurtful. I hope you get something great from the parents of the child your with. Or that the teachers have a word.

My DS had a 1-1 through senior school and we got her something every Christmas and every summer. We went completely overboard on the final gift at GCSE time because we were so incredibly grateful for everything she'd done. He wouldn't have been able to be in mainstream without her.

yasle · 12/12/2019 18:42

They will not have realised what you do in the class. It’s very unlikely to be a snub. Additionally by the very nature of the difficulties the children you help have, they’ll be less likely to pass the info on to their parents. My child with SEN told me almost nothing for several years.

Loopytiles · 12/12/2019 18:42

I think it was a mistake and they mustn’t be aware of your role.

MargeryB · 12/12/2019 18:44

How do the parents know you are in the classroom? I knew teacher names and I knew class ta names as they went in newsletter but I wouldn't know if there was a Sen one to one, and even if I did I wouldn't think they had any thing to do with the other kids so I could easily see this happening at our school

Original poster
Davegrohlsnewwife · 12/12/2019 18:48

My colleague has just messaged me to say how awkward she felt on my behalf (I haven't mentioned anything to anyone at work about how I feel as I didn't want them to feel bad) She said she couldn't understand how I got missed as the parents for the year group have a WhatsApp group which they all communicate on. It is odd. Oh well!

OP posts:
Lovingmylife · 12/12/2019 18:48

This is interesting.. I have done collection before and never included the 1:1 as assumed the parent of that child would sort a decent gift. I'll think otherwise next time.

Splenny · 12/12/2019 18:49

There’s a little boy in my DS’s class who has a 1:1 I’ve still got her a present as she’s a lovely lady who also helps my DC out if they need it. I think it’s horrible to have left you out.

Original poster
Davegrohlsnewwife · 12/12/2019 18:50

Also - my name is on the gift tag of the present from the teachers to individual children (we clubbed together for this), and was from the main teaching staff of the classroom.

OP posts:
FourCandlesForkHandles · 12/12/2019 18:51

Ah poor you OP :( I expect it was a mistake and there will be someone feeling awful tonight and trying to work out how to rectify the mistake.

Don't worry about it. Just remind yourself how great you are and how much the students value you. Karma is a thing and you will get your reward in good time x

Original poster
Davegrohlsnewwife · 12/12/2019 18:53

I think now I am starting to worry if I have done something to offend - oh christ here comes the paranoia! Confused

OP posts:
AiryFairyMum · 12/12/2019 18:56

Would they think your 1:1 child's parents would get you a big gift?

MrsAgassi · 12/12/2019 18:56

I really think the parents probably don't realise that you have any/much input with their children.

domesticslattern · 12/12/2019 18:57

It's just a fuck-up by the parents who don't understand your role. Nothing more than that.
It sounds very hurtful though Sad

DumbFlagScum · 12/12/2019 18:57

I am amazed that the parents of the 1.1 child didn't get you anything! Or did they?