AIBU to be upset at being left out during gift giving? giving

[Davegrohlsnewwife]

I work as a SEN teaching assistant at a large school. Although I am primarily employed to work 1:1 with a child, I do also help to support other children in the classroom - with learning, personal care, accidents and during conflict etc. This year parents decided to club together and buy each member of staff one gift each. They bought a gift for everyone who works in our year group (including volunteers, trainees, part time staff etc) - but I didn't receive anything. It was rather awkward as other members of staff were given huge bundles and I was stood there not quite sure what to do with myself. I don't know why, but it has really upset me. I hate feeling embarrassed. I contributed to the gifts given to the children from the teacher's and my name is on their tags, so parents would definitely know who I was. How would this make you feel? AIBU to be a little hurt?

I really don't think you've done anything wrong and I don't think anyone meant to snub you. Our class whatsapp groups would not have helped in knowing there were TAs in the classroom - that was not the sort of thing discussed. The school never tell us there are TAs in the classroom and they're never at parents 'evenings'. If my children don't tell me about them, I have no way of knowing they're there. Makes me think that the school could do more to advertise all the staff (do the 'dinner ladies' ever get gifts? I bet not).

Thank you for the comments - I appreciate the support, empathy and alternative views, which I had not considered. I'm not generally a materialistic person - it's not what was in the bag - it's that there was no bag at all. I now find solidarity in knowing it's not just me this has happened to, and I will try not to take it personally. It is hard though, sometimes - I cant seem to help wondering if I did something wrong - but it won't stop me from making sure I do my job as best as I can. Xx

It's a lack of understanding of how 1-1s work. I work in education so I know that 1-1 SEN assistants are very much part of the whole class and will often help other kids too. For this reason I always give them a small gift from my kids.

I worked as 1 to 1 support before. I was always over looked for gifts, as they went to the teachers. I know its hurtful, best to
leave the room when you see the presents come out.

When my son left primary school I made a special effort for the 1-1 TA because I noticed how much more she did in the class. She had been there since day one and helped my son in so many ways even though she wasn't required to. I make decopage cards made her a special one with a small gift, she came to me with tears saying she'd never received a personal thank you before and I'd made her see her job was more than 1 child. I wish parents knew TA's help the whole class and make a huge difference. Sorry you got missed out it's a shame the parents don't know how important you are to the class. Hope you have a good Christmas. Xx

I’ve never thought to get anything for a 1:1 aid either.

Why?

Well, I guess because I’m kind of not even supposed to know they exist. The school doesn’t make their names or contact information available like all the other staff. The school doesn’t talk about the aid. My child might or might not mention another student has an aid. When I show up for something like a class party, I would certainly notice someone who is shadowing a student extremely closely, but if it’s a situation where the aid doesn’t have to be physically glued to the child, I might just assume the aid was another parent. The only time it was obvious was the child who had 2 aids and in groups both of them always hand a hand on his upper arm.

TLDR: In most situations, the aids blend in and with the Privacy protections the school has in place, as a parent, I may not even realize the aid exists.

I wonder if the parents of the child you support are in the WhatsApp group? My child with SEN and I were both excluded by other parents

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19

I strongly agree with you. I taught in secondary and received some lovely gifts when I retired. Before that it was cards at Christmas, which were much appreciated.

In the OP's situation I would have been hurt too, but this whole gift giving business in primary has got out of hand and is so unnecessary.

In our school there was the issue of how 1 to 1 staff were introduced to the class. I know when they were added to the list of staff with no further explanation there was resentment from some parents that all the tas time was taken up with a few children (not theirs obviously) and their would be grumbling in the playground around any collection.

I suspect if they had been introduced as 1 to 1s people may have had a different view, but thers no way to do that without making a childs SEN apparent, which would be totally inappropriate.

I have no idea whether there’s a 1:1 in my daughter’s class. I only know the “main” TA. So I wouldn’t even realise there was anyone else to buy a present for.

Oh you poor thing. I'm currently doing our collection for our class, and I'm double checking whether or not some other teachers/assistants have worked with the kids this year so as to not leave them out.

I have also said that I'll be buying the secretary and head some chocolates as a token gift.

Not everyone has contributed but it will still be from the class-I haven't noted names etc. Some people don't see the work and effort that goes into running a classroom and that 1-1's are a huge help to the classroom as a whole.

I would feel the same as you. Have some from me.

That’s a real shame OP. My sons class has a 1:1 TA and we know how much she gives to all the children in the class as our children tell us. We treat her the same as all the class staff and she gets exactly the same level of presents.

Oh OP it's horrible to feel left out and I'm not surprised you're upset.

When my children were at primary school , I always bought presents for their teacher and TA. I never bought for 1:1 TA's as was never aware if there were any in their classes.

I really think it's a case of parents not being aware of all the help you give to the whole class, rather than deliberately leaving you out.

I'm sorry this has happened to you . I got bugger all as a TA from the parents. Anything I ever got was from colleagues. Like you say, it's not about the gift but about the recognition that you're there as well.

I've moved to school office now and we're weighed down by sweets and biscuits!