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AIBU to be furious with the gift my daughter received for a secret santa present

168 replies

Oli001 · 12/12/2019 17:10

Y7 - daughter came home from private girls school saying they have to buy a secret santa present - names out a hat - she then told me the girls were asking each other what they wanted and who were giving to who etc . We are NOT "rich" but she has complained that they are all "posh". I explained the gesture behind this event and I gave her a £15.00 budget which she spent the lot (no problem). Gifts were given out today (although others were given gift since day 2). She came home with her gift - it was a £2.00 squishy sticker - is that taking the piss??!! or am I BUB?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1594 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
GrapefruitGin · 14/12/2019 17:06

We had a budget of £10 for my friends secret Santa and we’re 29! £15 for year7 is excessive.

Doneanddone · 14/12/2019 17:49

You’re not being unreasonable. That’s a really shit gift, regardless of how much your daughter spent on the gift she gave. I find rich people to be incredibly tight.

MRSsqueak · 14/12/2019 18:58

are you sure it was a £2 squishy? because i have seen squishys at £10 or £15 have seen them in poundstretchers cheaper maybe £4 or something but some of them can be pretty expensive. i have never seen them for £2 before. chalk it up to experience and move on. life is too short. i wouldnt have the budget to spend £15 on a year 7 secret santa. my daughter is in year 7 and they are not doing it but if they did £5 would be the limit for me if one wasnt set by the school. dd's school have decided not to go in for all that and have picked several charities to support dd's house raised money for british heart foundation and help for heroes

CountFosco · 14/12/2019 19:08

DD1 is in Y7 at a state school in a naice area (since we're comparing these things). Secret Santa in her form was £5 limit. She ended up with her best friend but still stuck to the £5 limit. Blooming difficult though, thank goodness for Black Friday.

It should be a pleasure

I've just spent the afternoon in town with my family. DH took the younger two, I took the eldest. DH was secretly told by me what to buy me and told to check the Amazon wishlist for DD1. After an hour DD1 and I had bought a present each for the other three and DH and the younger 2 had bouht nothing 'but had an idea for me' (the thing I'd told DH to get for me)

Sparklynails7 · 14/12/2019 19:35

Did all the other girls receive gifts around the £15 mark? If so I'd be fuming.

Sparklynails7 · 14/12/2019 19:36

Also, guideline for my work's Secret Santa is that you have to spend £5!

Rubyupbeat · 14/12/2019 20:50

1st world problems!

Bluerussian · 15/12/2019 04:39

Squishy stickers are frequently more than £2. It's possible that they are sold very cheaply in a pound shop but you don't know if she went somewhere else to buy it.

£5 should be the limit for Secret Santas at school. I wonder where the idea for £15 came from, most parents wouldn't be happy about that even if they were well off, it just seems a bit much for something that is basically a fun and pleasant thing to do; I imagine if you had two or three kids who had to fork out for same it would be difficult.

bogginmacaroni · 15/12/2019 05:01

Year 9 dd (at best performing school in the city, in your face private schools, lol, state school in the poorest part of the area, ward where we live child poverty 50%) it is set at £1.

Orangecake123 · 15/12/2019 07:53

It happened to my sister.She spent the full amount on someone and got cheap colouring pencils back.

Don't think she'll do it again.

lovemenorca · 15/12/2019 08:04


What was the “full” amount?!

Orangecake123 · 15/12/2019 08:17

It was last year in year 11. I think she spent £12.

Everydayishistorytomorrow · 15/12/2019 19:00

I expect £15 limit has been taken the wrong way. I would expect a limit to mean just that.... no more than £15 but anything from 1p - £15 is the range. Not.and expected target.

Hemelbelle · 15/12/2019 19:54

Many years ago I was given a box of economy biscuits and as I had put a lot of thought and effort into the secret Santa present I gave; I did throw a bit of a wobbly. One friend outside of work said to me 'that's not really in the spirit of things'. It did make me think and since then I have approached Secret Santa with very low expectations and although I am not religious in the spirit of giving rather than receiving. However in your daughter's case I'm of the opinion that a very explicit (low) upper limit should be made clear in the region of no more than £5.

poppy54321 · 18/12/2019 20:25

£5-10 normal. You spent over and £2 very stingy. My daughter once drew a child that other girls were mean to and some kids had said she wouldn't get anything nice from Secret Santa. I didn't know this until her Mum said she was absolutely made up with her gift and came home so excited. So console yourself that you might have made a child's day.

NellyBarney · 23/12/2019 14:43

The pusher the more cheap and cheesy stocking fillers/secret Santa. It's a rule. Like, the queen giving Philip toilet paper. Weird, but it's a bit of a competition at public schools, upper class Christmas house parties to come up with the silliest and cheapest gift. I am just mentioning this because OP said dd was at private school.

NellyBarney · 23/12/2019 14:44

Sorry, *posher. Keeps self correcting Confused

memberofseven · 03/01/2020 18:03

Op my daughter also yr 7 indi forgot to mention she needed to get a secret Santa gift and told me after that she had given something second hand out of her room. I would have happily given her the money! Equally, she just got given a small box of celebrations (she was delighted!). You are overthinking it. £15 was extravagant.

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