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AIBU to be furious with the gift my daughter received for a secret santa present

168 replies

Oli001 · 12/12/2019 17:10

Y7 - daughter came home from private girls school saying they have to buy a secret santa present - names out a hat - she then told me the girls were asking each other what they wanted and who were giving to who etc . We are NOT "rich" but she has complained that they are all "posh". I explained the gesture behind this event and I gave her a £15.00 budget which she spent the lot (no problem). Gifts were given out today (although others were given gift since day 2). She came home with her gift - it was a £2.00 squishy sticker - is that taking the piss??!! or am I BUB?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1594 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Keepmewarm · 12/12/2019 19:02

Did your daughter like it?

That’s all that matters.

Singlenotsingle · 12/12/2019 19:10

We used to do secret santa. Present was limited to £5.

Itsallgonewoowoo · 12/12/2019 19:16

Work at prep boarding school. Secret Santa set at £5.
Parents generally also give a small gift to form tutors (wine or chocs), new girl in year 5 gave all class mates a gift, bit of a shock but perhaps it was the norm at her old school? Might be best to either ask your DC or another parent what the norm is?

AlwaysCheddar · 12/12/2019 19:26

It is school organised, I’d say something to the teacher. Plus £15 is OTT

Beautiful3 · 12/12/2019 19:29

£15 was too much. I thought around a fiver. But the girls should have agreed a budget between them! It could be that this person didn't have much money so couldn't afford anything more?

Ohidontknow99 · 12/12/2019 19:31

“Posh” people don’t like spending money ha

RedLipstickHighHeels · 12/12/2019 19:35

You need to not get involved in petty spats.dont be a helicopter mum
Don’t be that parent
Let it slide it’s no big deal. Any way what’s the desired outcome?a contrite class mate coughs up a £13 gift?
Be realistic how’s this going to end if you bring it up?
You casual like: so my dd put a lot of thought into buying secret Santa,she spent all the £15 budget ....some cheapskate spent £2 on tat...

damnthatanxiety · 12/12/2019 19:38

If you are constantly feeling paranoid about living up to 'richer' people's expectations and behaving weirdly....£15!!!!! then perhaps you should re-think the whole private school thing. YABVU. The problem isn't the school, nor the 'posh' families but your insecurity driving you to make dumb choices.

ASundayWellSpent · 12/12/2019 20:04

Vividly remember doing this in a similar situation at school... my family not rich but my friends were. Begging my mum for funds, stressing around the shops over what to get, not wanting to look poor etc. Ended up gifting something worth 20 ish from a label store... and got a printed photo of my group of friend in return. Was mortified

Skysblue · 12/12/2019 21:34

I’ve often found the richer someone is, the more cheapskate the present they give. It’s very odd. But perhaps I’ve just met odd people 🤷‍♀️

tried20names · 12/12/2019 22:57

My DS is in his first year at an independant and I had to get his buddy a gift. I spent about £15 on a selection of thoughtful gifts and he received a bag of chocolate coins in return. I now just feel like a tit for spending 2 weeks stressing about what to buy and running around trying to make sure the gift box was perfect. You live & learn!

Emeraldshamrock · 12/12/2019 23:36

It is disappointing. We stopped it in work as feckless participants were ruining it.
It was between 15 to 20 euro, one girl got petrol station gifts, another didn't buy anything for their kindle.
Very unfair. £15 is a lot for school goers.

carybaz · 13/12/2019 17:32

Private school not irrelevant. You want to buy education for your kids, take the consequences!

ittakes2 · 13/12/2019 17:39

Is there a chance the sticker was in a card and the card fell off the present? I am surprised at £15 - daughter also at a private school and limit was £8.

Deyes999 · 13/12/2019 17:44

This happened to me one year, only spent about a tenner on a nice gift for a girl in my daughters class, my daughter got nothing off the kid who had her, they said they forgot to bring it in and it never materialised. I don't blame anyone really as it could have been that the parents couldn't afford it. Maybe schools should get buy in from parents first before doing SS or not do it at all

Middersweekly · 13/12/2019 17:46

They should have set a limit on the amount. My DD’s school set a 10€ limit on secret Santa. She’s in Yr 8.

DeathStare · 13/12/2019 17:48

Thanks for all the messages - first time doing this - I'll have to put it down to experience

Live and learn OP With Secret Santa there is always a budget. To be honest your £15 gift has probably caused embarrassed squirming.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 13/12/2019 17:49

My son also at private school, sacred Santa had a budget set by teacher of £15.
I bought something I knew the boy would like for £16.
My son came home with huge bar of chocolate - I would imagine it’s £5-£8.
I don’t give a stuff about the money but I think chocolate is a thoughtless present and to give any child that much chocolate is just daft. We’re going to make crispy cakes with it and take them to our carol service.
It’s not something I could get worked up about tbh.

geordielisa · 13/12/2019 17:49

Next time check the budget properly. It could be that the child who bought for your daughter does not come from a family with money, maybe a scholarship or whatever. If £15 was a lot for you to spend you shouldn't have allowed it. Don't take part next time, simples!

Haffdonga · 13/12/2019 17:50

£15 is way too much for a SS.
£2 bordering on stingy.


Hels0703 · 13/12/2019 17:51

My step daughter goes to a private school, not because we pay for it, but because she won a scholarship. Not all the kids going to private schools are well off, we certainly aren't! Maybe she is from a family that just have a tight budget for Christmas too. But the school should have deffo set a budget to give everyone a rough idea of what to spend.

Cornettoninja · 13/12/2019 17:58

This is a really depressing poll. It’s bad enough when adults start getting precious over secret Santa never mind on their children’s behalf.

Over half of you don’t give a shit that the secret Santa (who is a child ffs) could have any number of reasons for giving what they did. Best case scenario is they didn’t give a shit or forgot, worst case is they don’t have the money, their parents don’t give them money to be included in activities like this or actively take no interest in their child’s life.

It’s fucking abysmal that a large number of you will be parents Xmas Sad


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Cozytoesandtoast00 · 13/12/2019 18:01

Thanks! You made me laugh my heart out 😁

VenusClapTrap · 13/12/2019 18:10

Dd announced at 6pm last night that she needed a secret Santa gift. For this morning. Yikes. I rummaged around and found a packet of water balloons; bit crap but with zero notice it was all I could come up with, and they probably cost roughly a fiver which was the limit.

Dd came home with a really thoughtful present, right up her street, which had clearly cost more than a fiver. Someone had put in a touching amount of effort.

I feel bad, but what else could I do? I’m recovering from flu and wasn’t up to driving to a petrol station for chocolate/sweets which was the only other option really.

Sometimes it’s not thoughtlessness or stinginess. You don’t know the full story.

Jeeperscreepers69 · 13/12/2019 18:11

Lol next time ask for how much secret santa is 😂😂

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