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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious with the gift my daughter received for a secret santa present

168 replies

Oli001 · 12/12/2019 17:10

Y7 - daughter came home from private girls school saying they have to buy a secret santa present - names out a hat - she then told me the girls were asking each other what they wanted and who were giving to who etc . We are NOT "rich" but she has complained that they are all "posh". I explained the gesture behind this event and I gave her a £15.00 budget which she spent the lot (no problem). Gifts were given out today (although others were given gift since day 2). She came home with her gift - it was a £2.00 squishy sticker - is that taking the piss??!! or am I BUB?

OP posts:
Ferret27 · 13/12/2019 18:16

Remember people with lots of more new don’t waste it .... you felt pressured to spend more than you needed to ..

Most work secret Santa’s are £5-10 ... these are children so you should have capped your spend below £5.00... don’t give what you can’t afford or begrudge those that stay within their affordable limits... lesson learnt...

brassbrass · 13/12/2019 18:22

Communication error surely? You mistakenly set your budget to £15 without checking what others were doing.

LittleMissIvy · 13/12/2019 18:25

£15 Is a lot for Secret Santa, even for grown ups! £2 sounds quite sensible for this age group, if I were you I'd check next year before handing over the cash to your year 8 daughter.

pollymere · 13/12/2019 18:30

Spend is usually £2-5 for Secret Santa. Also remember that not everyone is posh at private school and some students may be on full scholarship or bursary so don't judge.

Halleli · 13/12/2019 18:34

You say you're not very rich. Maybe the girl who had your daughter also comes from a not very rich family, and genuinely couldn't afford anything more.

Miniloso · 13/12/2019 18:35

Waaaay too much money!!

Littlepond · 13/12/2019 18:38

Secret Santa is always shit. Someone always gets a “comical” present when they’ve spent time and money on something nice for someone else.

Jack80 · 13/12/2019 18:41

My children are in a state school and when secret Santa is £10 limit as is mine at work, a budget should have been set this needs clarifying next time.

flickeringcandle45 · 13/12/2019 18:42

DC went to a private school with some seriously rich students. The secret Santa limit was always £2 and going over was frowned on. The whole point was to get something imaginative within that small budget. Are you sure your DC did not misunderstand the rules?

Santasgotaredsackofitch · 13/12/2019 18:42

It's a typical piss taker prob from an older girl who's done secret santa before, or was warned by her wise patents!

Everytime i hear about secret Santa, it makes me cringe. I know amongst the genuine people they'll be some who use it to get a good gift but give shit themselves.

I've heard so many stories the same as this.

babysnowman · 13/12/2019 18:44

I get that it would be annoying, but to be ‘furious’ is an overreaction.

sophe · 13/12/2019 19:09

Well, that's one upman/woman/childship for you.

It's what private schooling is all about.

Midge75 · 13/12/2019 19:13

It is a bit of a rubbish present, but they should have given a budget. That said, my daughter's having a rough time at school, feels she doesn't have any friends (she does, but none really in her form) - their budget was a fiver and she gave me some lovely ideas of what to get her recipient - apparently into llamas, so I found a llama keyring, a nice notebook with her initial on it and had enough left over for a maltesers reindeer. Apparently the other presents people got were lovely - my daughter got a card with a single chocolate coin in it. Who knows - maybe the giver doesn't have a fiver to spend; it's just a shame it happened to be my little one, who already feels that people don't like her, who received it. Unfortunate, sad for my dd but not something to get too worked up about.

HerRoyalNotness · 13/12/2019 19:14

This is what annoys me about SS in general. If a budget is set then if you take part you spend the budgeted amount, not something less! We had an expat group and the last year I took part it was spend $25 on a Xmas bauble for the swap. Now you can get amazing baubles for that price. I’m here on local contract and am unemployed so don’t have as much as the gravy train expats. I bought to the limit and in return received 2 shitty Xmas slogan wine glasses from the $ store. I left the group after that.

Grandmi · 13/12/2019 19:16

£15 far too much to spend on secret Santa and what is the relevance of the fact she is at private school?!!

laudete · 13/12/2019 19:30

The max budget for a Secret Santa should be about £5 - even for an adult. The point is to get something fun/nice that is inexpensive. You're putting your thought/imagination/creativity into the challenge rather than your money. Chalk it up to experience; you'll do it differently another time. x

sjonlegs · 13/12/2019 19:31

Am I wrong to wish this was all I had to worry about!?*

Mella91 · 13/12/2019 19:38

I remember we had this in our school too. Close friend spent 30 on someone and was given a 70p chocolate!

FelicisNox · 13/12/2019 19:44

@Cornettoninja oh shut up with your virtue signalling.

The OP and child misjudged a situation and silliness ensued, it's called LIFE and don't kid yourself that you have not or will not ever misjudge a situation and feel upset/cross or act like a bit of a Biscuit...... oh, wait...... Grin

Lulu1919 · 13/12/2019 19:46

Our year group had a £5 limit....BUT I fear a lot of parents didn't stick to that as some of the gifts were way more than £5 ...children too young to have been shopping alone

Tucker44 · 13/12/2019 19:51

Posh or not .....whoever passed on information that budget was £15.00..sounds like bullying to me!

Cornettoninja · 13/12/2019 19:57

@FelicisNox bore off. I’d rather be smugly virtuous than a shallow fuckwit.

Touched a nerve pointing out that it’s twatty behaviour to slag off kids over secret Santa have I?

Choclips · 13/12/2019 20:01

Money goes to money Grin

Sparklybaublefest · 13/12/2019 20:01

£15 was far too much.
stop being grabby

c75kp0r · 13/12/2019 20:08

Your dd has learned a life lesson we all learn in the end: Secret Santa is utter utter utterly sh one t