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AIBU to be furious with the gift my daughter received for a secret santa present

168 replies

Oli001 · 12/12/2019 17:10

Y7 - daughter came home from private girls school saying they have to buy a secret santa present - names out a hat - she then told me the girls were asking each other what they wanted and who were giving to who etc . We are NOT "rich" but she has complained that they are all "posh". I explained the gesture behind this event and I gave her a £15.00 budget which she spent the lot (no problem). Gifts were given out today (although others were given gift since day 2). She came home with her gift - it was a £2.00 squishy sticker - is that taking the piss??!! or am I BUB?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1594 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Lunde · 12/12/2019 17:26

When my dds' schools did Secret Santas there was always a budget - usually £2-5

Lovemusic33 · 12/12/2019 17:29

There should have been a cap. Dad’s school does a £2-£3 cap, £15 sounds crazy for a secret Santa gift in year 7. We usually just gift chocolate.

dontcallmeduck · 12/12/2019 17:30

We have a budget of £10 at work! £15 seems a lot.

PizzaExpressWoking · 12/12/2019 17:34

My kids have this (Y7 and Y10; also private schools, if that's relevant).

One has a £5 limit (school with lots of bursaries and scholarships, many families not well off). They all just buy chocolates for each other as far as I can see.

The other has a £10 limit (school where all parents could afford this). The kids originally set the limit at £20 but then wisely lowered it. Even if it's all organised by kids, the spending limit is very important and ought to be a guideline. IMO £5 is plenty. Even less could be good.

Are you sure there wasn't a limit that your DD didn't tell you about?

How does your DD actually feel about it? You don' t mention her reaction, only your own.

Was the present in line with the other gifts?

Chewbecca · 12/12/2019 17:34

There should have been a budget.
YABU to be furious at the gift she received.

BanoffeeTart · 12/12/2019 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 12/12/2019 17:39


It's a shit secret Santa, not a personal gift from the head teacher.

Letthemysterybe · 12/12/2019 17:41

Willow2017 I assumed the point with voting, was that there are more important things to be worrying about today!!

ElBurro · 12/12/2019 17:42

YABU totally unreasonable to give a fuck about this

snowybaubles · 12/12/2019 17:43

I wouldn't be furious, no.

I would have taken the positive out of it, which is that your DD gave a lovely present.

diddl · 12/12/2019 17:44

What did your daughter buy-presumably the money all went on a SS present?

fallfallfall · 12/12/2019 17:44

I’d ask the teacher school some questions. I’d also assume your daughter was aware and trying to impress someone.

Lycidas · 12/12/2019 17:45

It’s an opportunity for an important life lesson. Sometimes you do your best but other people will still treat you like crap. Move on, and don’t let your good will be dependent on others doing the same.

NewName73 · 12/12/2019 17:46

At DS's school there is either a price limit (usually £5) or a theme - one year it was socks and DS got his teacher!

Private school, not that it is remotely relevant ...

Lycidas · 12/12/2019 17:48

Also, it’s a lesson that ‘posh’ doesn’t mean generous. It sounds like your daughter is conscious of their higher incomes and you both tried to overcompensate.

HuntingCuns · 12/12/2019 17:51

Private school is irrelevant.

Your DD saying her schoolmates are "posh" is chippy (and you are probably encouraging this).

My DC (also at private schools, just for context, and as you do think it's relevant) come out with all sorts of crap about how they need to spend £sillymoney on this kind of thing. The answer is always no. As it happens, I can't afford to say yes - but even if I could, I wouldn't.

Move on.

beautifulstranger101 · 12/12/2019 17:51

You spent too much and the other girl spent too little. Secret santa is meant to be low price and fun/silly gifts. £5 has always been the average anywhere Ive been. You should have found out the budget first. I wouldn't spend time getting upset about this though- let it go.

Perch · 12/12/2019 17:52

My older child’s class is doing the same. A £5 budget was clearly set. It sounds fishy to me.

BlackCherryBliss · 12/12/2019 17:53

Have you voted, OP is asked. On a thread about a shitty Christmas gift for a child from a child.

Oh, give it a bloody rest for five minutes.

Witchend · 12/12/2019 17:54

I expect there was a budget.
Dd1's form usually had a budget of £2 and it was amazing the imaginative items they got for that amount of money.
The teacher pointed out that some children would have to buy it themselves, and they didn't want them to feel left out.

thehorseandhisboy · 12/12/2019 17:54

I wish schools would actively discourage this.

Children have far too much stuff anyway. SS always causes endless arguments, upset and fall outs, at the time of the year when children are already tired and emotional.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 12/12/2019 17:54

From a family member, yes it would be a crap present.

From a random school secret Santa, it's fine. It wasn't a straight gift exchange between the gift she got and the one she gave? It's hardly malicious.

Who knows what happened, it's more than possible that another parent refused to spend more and you can't blame them.

Just ask school to clarify spending next year.


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Bunnybigears · 12/12/2019 17:58

We have a budget at work of £10 despite the fact a lot of the people there could probably afford a lot more. Because we know the juniors and the likes of me (part time admin) cant. Lesson learnt dont spend so much on Secret Santa and agree a budget before hand.

Instatwat · 12/12/2019 18:01

No need to shoehorn in the private school bit.

As all the others have said - what was the actual budget? Your posts reads like you arbitrarily chose a £15 limit.

BrieAndChilli · 12/12/2019 18:03

Just because it’s a private school doesn’t mean all the family’s are rich or even that all the kids have access to that money.

May the gifters family are poor and they are on a scholarship
Maybe the gifters family appear rich but are in crippling debt
Maybe the gifters family are rich but tight and the port child wasn’t allowed to have any money for secret Santa so they had to cobble together what they could.
Or it could be that they are filthy rich and didn’t want to spend the money as they are entitled
The parents could have given a decent amount but the child decided to keep it for themselves

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