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AIBU to be furious with the gift my daughter received for a secret santa present

168 replies

Oli001 · 12/12/2019 17:10

Y7 - daughter came home from private girls school saying they have to buy a secret santa present - names out a hat - she then told me the girls were asking each other what they wanted and who were giving to who etc . We are NOT "rich" but she has complained that they are all "posh". I explained the gesture behind this event and I gave her a £15.00 budget which she spent the lot (no problem). Gifts were given out today (although others were given gift since day 2). She came home with her gift - it was a £2.00 squishy sticker - is that taking the piss??!! or am I BUB?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1594 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
BalloonSlayer · 12/12/2019 18:05

Oh come on she has clearly mentioned that it's a private school because if she didn't she would have been lectured on how the other child might have been from a really poor family etc

andpancakesforbreakfast · 12/12/2019 18:05

or maybe the family is wealthy but doesn't feel the need to show off and consider a few pounds enough for a secret santa

YouSawThePlans · 12/12/2019 18:06

Agree with PPs, there's usually a limit and I've never known a school one to be over £10. Sometimes it's £5.

I think you need a much bigger conversation with your DD. This is her school. You all need to make peace with the differences in income and poshness horrible word but it's the one you used . I wonder if your and her perception that you're not as rich led you both to over-compensate with the secret santa.

Oli001 · 12/12/2019 18:06

Thanks for all the messages - first time doing this - I'll have to put it down to experience:)

OP posts:
ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 12/12/2019 18:09

It will be excellent preparation for your DD's future working life! Xmas Wink

Ellisandra · 12/12/2019 18:10

Not going to tell us what the limit was then OP? Or admit that you didn’t think to check?!

My Y6 would love a squishy sticker. She would be comparing the amounts spent, she’d just think “sticker!!!!!! Yay!!!!! Squishy!!!!! Even more yay!!!!!!”

cosima1 · 12/12/2019 18:14

Mine are in independent schools but this is irrelevant - kids Secret Santa is kids Secret Santa. They would be embarrassed by £15 gifts. Normally it’s a £5 limit, no more. They just buy chocolates, etc.
Why did you’d DD think she had to spend £15?

73Sunglasslover · 12/12/2019 18:14

I've never known a secret santa spend that much. It's usually under £5 in my experience. I think you might have overspent rather than others underspending. It's a lesson for next year!

diddl · 12/12/2019 18:16

I think it might be worth asking the school about it.

Was your daughter feeling under pressure to impress who she was buying for?

SillyUnMurphy · 12/12/2019 18:19

We have a £5 limit at work and we’re all well paid professionals! £15 is just silly for a secret Santa. Don’t worry OP when I was in sixth form a largish group of girls (definitely not all friends) did SS at a Christmas meal out we’d arranged. The person who got me didn’t bother to give me anything at all! She wasn’t even slightly ashamed or apologetic. Chalk it up to the ‘some people are just shits’ category.

Topseyt · 12/12/2019 18:21

I think you were too generous with your spending limit. £5 would have been perfectly fine. DH's office often do a Secret Santa at their Christmas lunch, which was today. £5 is their usual limit too.

No point in getting furious about it though. Just chalk it up to experience. Waste of energy.

TooManyHeadaches · 12/12/2019 18:23

Well when you said you have her £15 to spend I did think that sounded a lot! I'm surprised there was no guidance on how much to spend (perhaps your daughter forgot to tell you that it?)

TitianaTitsling · 12/12/2019 18:24

Have you voted, OP is asked. On a thread about a shitty Christmas gift for a child from a child.

Oh, give it a bloody rest for five minutes exactly!! @Singlenotsingle
you going on every thread today to ask this l presume....?

howells · 12/12/2019 18:28

I sympathise! It was always £5 at ds1’s school. First year I spent £5 and his gift was a £1 pack of Haribos. I did feel a bit miffed, but he was pleased with the sweets so I decided to chill. In subsequent years, he received about £5 of sweets each time, which is apparently what they all wanted. So glad they don’t do it at ds2’s school or ds1’s sixth form.

NoSquirrels · 12/12/2019 18:32

Perhaps someone else’s parents aren’t as kind as you in paying for Secret Santa gifts and the kid did the best they could with what money they had?

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 12/12/2019 18:33

Whatever happened to not giving to receive? The whole Secret Santa thing is totally against the spirit of Christmas and of giving.

thepeopleversuswork · 12/12/2019 18:34

God life is too fucking short to worry about shit like this

ChequerBoard · 12/12/2019 18:38

Be outraged with yourself doe trying too hard and overspending on a secret Santa present which is usually max £5!

Totally not the schools fault that you were trying to show off.

messolini9 · 12/12/2019 18:49

YABU, FFS. You could afford £15. Maybe the £2 person could not.

Or ... YANBU!
Report this to the school immediately.
Demand an investigation, compensation, & a written apology.
After all, there's nothing much else of importance going on today, & the fate of approx 4million kids whose mothers cannot even afford to feed them adquately pales into insignificance when contrasted with your £13 deficit.

tttigress · 12/12/2019 18:55

Secret Santa's should be banned.

Getting a lot of people doing Facebook updates their year saying they aren't doing Christmas cards "for envy reasons" (yeah right, your happy to find a reason to get out of it)

Maybe secret Santa's could be banned on the same grounds? AIBU? I think not!

BloggersBlog · 12/12/2019 18:55

Why is the first answer to a post often the dickish one? Is it just the rusg to be the first one to answer and they just write crap?

tttigress · 12/12/2019 18:56



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Bluntness100 · 12/12/2019 18:58

I'd say this is fairly normal. Your daughter and you misread the situation. My daughter is privately educated, presents are cheap and cheerful.

Obligatorync · 12/12/2019 18:58

I think most children probably bought from their pocket money, I couldn't get worked up about it.

Leeds2 · 12/12/2019 18:59

It may be that the person who bought your DD's gift had to do so out of her own budget, rather than relying on parental help. And had run out of money! I have known this happen.

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