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AIBU to be furious with the gift my daughter received for a secret santa present

168 replies

Oli001 · 12/12/2019 17:10

Y7 - daughter came home from private girls school saying they have to buy a secret santa present - names out a hat - she then told me the girls were asking each other what they wanted and who were giving to who etc . We are NOT "rich" but she has complained that they are all "posh". I explained the gesture behind this event and I gave her a £15.00 budget which she spent the lot (no problem). Gifts were given out today (although others were given gift since day 2). She came home with her gift - it was a £2.00 squishy sticker - is that taking the piss??!! or am I BUB?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1594 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
separatebeds · 13/12/2019 20:14

Next year you need to ask the teacher to specify the limit more clearly in a letter home to the parents. a better idea is that you write to the head and get secret santas banded in the whole school - I am sure you can think of plenty of good reasons. The children should be giving the gifts to charities who distribute to children who don't get presents at Christmas.

For this year just be pleased that your daughter will have learnt her lesson.

Jaci08 · 13/12/2019 20:16

There's a saying some Posh people have ,
You don't s get rich by spending it!

I use to clean rich people's chandeliers before I had my children and one women Brought me a jar of French jam as a present
that they sell in supermarkets....😳
Probably the parents of the children advised them not to spend to much.
Just think of it as a experience !
Kindest Regards

PoloMama · 13/12/2019 20:25

You shouldn’t even think about the amount. It doesn’t matter - it’s just supposed to be a bit of fun. £15 was given as the upper limit and you chose to spend that much. Doesn’t mean others have to. Maybe next year just focus on buying a fun gift within the given limit and stop comparing. In the meantime, drop it and move on.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/12/2019 20:30

This doesn't even sound like a secret santa..

Girls talking about who wanted what, and who is giving to who.. is NOT a 'secret' santa at all.

Was this organised by the school, what was the budget set? /

OP i think you have been had, possibly so has your daughter, by a pushy set of girls.

AnnaMagnani · 13/12/2019 20:50

Your DD didn't tell you what budget the school had set - £15 is a lot even for an adult one.

And secret Santa is hit and miss at the best of times. I always go into it expecting to charity shop/regift/throw away my present while some people will get things they really like. Some gifters will ignore the budget, some will head straight to the pound shop and pocket the rest, some will buy joke presents and some will buy thoughtful gifts. It's random.

But your daughter totally did not tell you what the school budget was.

manicmij · 13/12/2019 21:09

Where is this going to end? Secret Santa at schools! When did this start for goodness sake. It's bad enough in work places. There should definitely be value limits set and guidance given on types of gift eg no plastic are appropriate.

WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo · 13/12/2019 21:24

Is that it?

My God, from your thread title I thought you were going to say that someone had bought her a six pack of White Lightning and a cock ring.

Bluerussian · 13/12/2019 21:26

Just get over it, Oli. I understand the disappointment but move on, life is too short to be enraged about something that is small in the scheme of things. I remember similar happening to me many years ago but that's life.

There's nothing you can do about it anyway, if you mentioned it to anybody, ie friends and parents of fellow pupil, you'd come across as being more mean spirited than the person who gave your daughter the squishy sticker.

I agree with those who have said £15 is far too much, a limit of £ would have sufficed. Who came up with idea of £15 (you may have said, I haven't yet read the entire thread)?

Coffeetoffees · 13/12/2019 21:39

I wasn't sure about the poster who asked about voting if they meant voting in GE or for themselves in the Aibu votes! GrinHmmBlush Completely misses the point....

Celestine70 · 13/12/2019 22:15

Budget for our class is max of a fiver. I bought Pokemon stickers, 3.75. I do hate secret Santa for this reason though, some get nice things, others get crap.

ItsGoingTibiaK · 13/12/2019 22:18


You haven’t really explained. Was there an agreed price limit? If not, why was your £15 budget more appropriate than someone else’s £2 budget?

Chercando · 13/12/2019 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

windycuntryside · 13/12/2019 22:22

“Furious” I envy you, such a lovely life you must have if this has caused fury.

formerbabe · 13/12/2019 22:22


Just because it's a private school doesn't mean some families aren't going to be struggling at this time of year? Or perhaps the girl who had to buy your dd a gift wasn't given any money by her parents?

Dislocatedeyeballs · 14/12/2019 00:31

It doesn't matter bout cost £15 is a lot but what matters is if you think your daughter was singled out and the person purposely bought her a nonvalue shit present because they don't like her as a kind of bullying or if they just genuinely had no cash/imagination/thought it was nice/forgot. Is this your real worry?

Pingu32 · 14/12/2019 04:23

YANBU to have a reaction to it but this whole Secret Santa sounds like a sham. At this time of year, there is so much madness to stress us so just lose this one and learn from it. Really not worth the feelings fury will give you and dwelling on it is only affecting one person (and maybe those closest to you)

Inwiththenew · 14/12/2019 08:38

My sons school let the kids organise it. He didn’t get a present when they sat in a circle and did the handing out. He was upset and felt like no one likes him. I wish people would realise that these things aren’t fun if they aren’t properly organised and everyone knows how much to spend etc. And even with this in place some people don’t give a toss and still put some cheap careless gift in which is disappointing for the receiver.

urkidding · 14/12/2019 09:37

I sympathise as Secret Santa is a waste of money as are expensive ( or cheap) presents which people do not want or need. Why don't your suggest to the school to do something which helps charities instead?

Catwaving · 14/12/2019 10:16

When is this....

Climate wrecking...
Habit of gift-giving at Christmas going to stop?

None of us need this stuff!!!
We frequently don't want what we're given
We buy out of duty
It stresses us out

It should be a pleasure


How about that? Let's think differently

Enoughisenoughhhhh · 14/12/2019 10:37

What a monumental overreaction. Furious is a disproportionate way to feel in response to a child's secret santa gift.

dontgobaconmyheart · 14/12/2019 10:49

Maybe she did get something else and didn't want you to see it OP- too grown up etc. Maybe she didn't even use the £15 (which was too much anyway)I see why it's annoying but 'furious' - no. It's secret santa, virtually the whole point is that it's shit and a waste of time/money.

Taddda · 14/12/2019 11:46

@WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo Grin that really got me! Funny!


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Jazmeena · 14/12/2019 13:00

I don't think it really matters

FireandBrimstone · 14/12/2019 16:06

I’m on the other side of this whole situation with my own child, and I am mortified. Daughter and school friends arranged a secret Santa amongst themselves, apparently no agreed monetary value - daughter has just come home having received a fab sweatshirt and bath bomb - total cost £10 (price tags were left on) - daughter bought her giftee about £3 worth of chocolate 🤦‍♀️. She can’t see the unfairness I’m pointing out to her. But at the end of the day the girls agreed it amongst themselves and if no value was discussed or agreed across the group then it has to be to the girls to sort out. So - I feel your pain but from the other side of the fence. 😬

RedLipstickHighHeels · 14/12/2019 17:04

@WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo six pack of White Lightning and a cock ring haha that’s my wok secret Santa sorted

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