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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disagree with husband about childbirth

654 replies

soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:34

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

OP posts:
ZealAndArdour · 24/10/2021 01:37

Just seen your update OP. You’ve done the right thing.

namebunny · 24/10/2021 01:38

Goodness! I wonder how he’d react to the pain of childbirth?

Aquamarine1029 · 24/10/2021 01:41

I remember your post very well. I'm very happy the blinders finally came off.

FrostyFruit · 24/10/2021 01:45

Tell your husband he's a sexist pig! I've had 3 c sections and have bonded with all 3 of my babies perfectly fine. They are my world. He has absolutely no say in how you give birth. Your body, your rules!

FrostyFruit · 24/10/2021 01:48

Sorry OP, I just read your update. So glad you left him. I hope you're ok.

Bythemillpond · 24/10/2021 01:57

Glad you saw the red flags. I feel sorry for his next wife and just hope she is strong enough (or discovers mumsnet).

My first question when reading your original post was, if the more pain you go through supposedly makes you bond more with your baby. What pain is he going to go through in order for him to create a bond with his child.

Or will you be able to squeeze his bollocks when having a contraction for hour after hour.

fibrecruncher · 24/10/2021 01:57

Please consider whether you can have a child with a man that can not recognise one of the most fundamental rights you have is what happens to your own body

fibrecruncher · 24/10/2021 02:02

Oh gosh sorry posted before I had read the whole post. Glad to hear you are in a better place now.

GingerScallop · 24/10/2021 02:39

well done you. And now to new and exciting things

Oh4Tunas · 24/10/2021 02:44

I'm sorry you had to have a divorce and change your plans to have a baby, but I'm sure you did the right thing.

Wishing you a happier future!

Jengnr · 24/10/2021 07:16

@soshnomore

I'm sure nobody is wondering what happened, but I enjoy seeing updates on reddit so thought I'd add a quick one.

I didn't get pregnant. I finally ended our marriage about 6 months after this post (this was the tip of a very large and emotionally abusive iceberg), and we'll hopefully be officially divorced next month.

All I can say is the red flags that everyone else can see, are very easy to ignore when you're being told you're the one with the problem.

I’m so sorry your marriage didn’t go as you’d hoped but I’m so pleased you got out and didn’t have a child with him.

Well done OP, you are an amazing woman. Onwards and upwards xx

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/10/2021 07:40

@Sexnotgender

No vagina no opinion.

And I concur with posters saying I wouldn’t have a baby with such a buffoon.

This.
PurpleFlower1983 · 24/10/2021 07:41

Oh just seen the update! Well done OP!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 24/10/2021 07:51

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.
This times a million!! Can't believe you're listening to this twat. Or that he feels he has a right to tell you. I'd be seriously reconsidering my options.
soshnomore · 24/10/2021 07:51

@LivingLaVidaBabyShower

Thanks for the update Flowers agree its very hard when you are in it...

I was reading in like "no no no no no!!!! Do not get pregnant with this man!!!!!"

I hope you are living your best life now.

Question: did posting on here open your eyes at all? What finally made you see the light (so to speak?)

Honestly? No. I just thought you were all angry and didn't get it. But in fairness I had my best friends tell me the same things and I still managed to ignore them because that's my husband and he wouldn't intentionally want to hurt me would he?

A LOT happened before and since. I've always seen myself as a take no shit kinda person, but I guess I didn't realise it was happening because like I said that's my husband and he loves me and only wants the best for me Hmm

I could write a book about what a narcissistic, gaslighting shit he is, but he'd probably come after me for a cut. I have to find the whole situation funny otherwise it's bloody depressing what I went through.

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 24/10/2021 07:53

@soshnomore

I'm sure nobody is wondering what happened, but I enjoy seeing updates on reddit so thought I'd add a quick one.

I didn't get pregnant. I finally ended our marriage about 6 months after this post (this was the tip of a very large and emotionally abusive iceberg), and we'll hopefully be officially divorced next month.

All I can say is the red flags that everyone else can see, are very easy to ignore when you're being told you're the one with the problem.

Oh I'm so relieved, OP. I hadn't realised that this was an old thread.
44PumpLane · 24/10/2021 07:53

OP what a relief of an update, and thank you for taking the time to come back on and let us all know you got away!

I'm so pleased for you that you got out before being tied to this man with a child.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 24/10/2021 08:01

Happy to read this update! Well done OP! Hope you're happy and enjoying your freedom. Smile

bubblebath62636 · 24/10/2021 08:15

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.

Please follow this advice.

Tryagainplease · 24/10/2021 08:17

Please do not have a baby with this man.

Tryagainplease · 24/10/2021 08:18

I’m sorry OP. I just read your update.
Must read before posting!!!

Hope you’re doing ok Flowers

AlexaShutUp · 24/10/2021 08:19

Why do so many people comment after they have only read the first post? Confused I didn't read the whole thread, but it's easy enough to read all of the OP's posts!

Alwayswantedasmegf · 24/10/2021 08:19

@areyouafraidofthedark

Oh ffs tell him to grow up, your body your decision. If he has such twaty views about birth what else does he have stupid views on. Do you really want a child with this man?
This will bell's on OP
Tryagainplease · 24/10/2021 08:20

@AlexaShutUp

Why do so many people comment after they have only read the first post? Confused I didn't read the whole thread, but it's easy enough to read all of the OP's posts!
Biscuit
SmellyOldOwls · 24/10/2021 08:20

Love a happy ending 🥳

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