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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disagree with husband about childbirth

654 replies

soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:34

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

OP posts:
Sciurus83 · 23/10/2021 22:37

Well done and all the best, I hope you get the life you deserve now Flowers

LazJaz · 23/10/2021 22:39

Do not have children with this man

Hapoydayz · 23/10/2021 22:40

Amazing update Op and I do remember this thread. So happy you didn't let him grind you down

User527294627 · 23/10/2021 22:55

I would very strongly caution you against having a baby with someone this unreasonable.

YourFinestPantaloons · 23/10/2021 22:57

@soshnomore

I'm sure nobody is wondering what happened, but I enjoy seeing updates on reddit so thought I'd add a quick one.

I didn't get pregnant. I finally ended our marriage about 6 months after this post (this was the tip of a very large and emotionally abusive iceberg), and we'll hopefully be officially divorced next month.

All I can say is the red flags that everyone else can see, are very easy to ignore when you're being told you're the one with the problem.

Congratulations for realising your self worth OP!
AlexaShutUp · 23/10/2021 23:00

Well done, OP. So glad that you realised before you had a baby with the man. When you're in the relationship, I guess it's way to make excuses for the controlling behaviour. It takes real strength and courage to break free. Flowers

AliceinBorderland · 23/10/2021 23:02

This thread reminded me of a terrifying man on a midwife series. You see him about 15 minutes in. Controlling nightmare of a man. Look at him later on too pawing his wife during labour ...yikes.

Dirtymicrobe · 23/10/2021 23:18

Well done OP, thanks for updating. Wishing you every happiness!

Cupcakeschocolate · 23/10/2021 23:45

Oh op. My husband is of the same culture as your husband. And its not a cultural thing! Its a controlling thing. If he is that traditional he won't want to be in the room then will he! And he won't know how it happened. But personally I wouldn't be having kids with him!

Getyourownback · 23/10/2021 23:48

@AliceinBorderland

This thread reminded me of a terrifying man on a midwife series. You see him about 15 minutes in. Controlling nightmare of a man. Look at him later on too pawing his wife during labour ...yikes.

That was vile. Controlling twat.
StripeyDeckchair · 23/10/2021 23:50

@Breathlessness

’He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby’

And you want to have children with him? Why?

This

What on earth are you doing with this idiot?
Do Not have children with him

MoiraNotRuby · 23/10/2021 23:50

Congratulations OP 👏 well done and enjoy your new life!

hilariousnamehere · 23/10/2021 23:51

Epic update, OP - I remember this thread. Well done and I wish you all the happiness in your new life of freedom!

GrandTheftWalrus · 23/10/2021 23:53

Well done OP.

Have to laugh at the posters thats only read the first page and not even noticed her update

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 23/10/2021 23:54

Thanks for the update Flowers agree its very hard when you are in it...

I was reading in like "no no no no no!!!! Do not get pregnant with this man!!!!!"

I hope you are living your best life now.

Question: did posting on here open your eyes at all? What finally made you see the light (so to speak?)

thunderandsunshine01 · 24/10/2021 00:41

Best update ever. Well done you

WhatisanODP · 24/10/2021 00:57

I don’t normally comment on these types of thread.

But honestly - fair play.

You deserve better!! Xx

user1473878824 · 24/10/2021 01:06

Ah OP. I hope you’re okay xx

PathOfLeastResitance · 24/10/2021 01:11

Oh FFS. Why is this even a post? Not his body, not his choice. Particularly when he is talking shit. The level of rubbish he is spouting is intolerable. This makes me roll my eyes so hard it actually hurts. Why, oh why, would you have a baby with this man? If he’s this ridiculous about his views on how this person gets out of you, how hard will he be to parent with.

Oldtiredfedup · 24/10/2021 01:23

You are right, OP - it is incredibly hard to see it when you’re in the thick of it (coercive control and gaslighting)

I’m so glad you were able to leave -from someone who didn’t until it was too late and it had ruined my life, well done snd FFS do NOT let him back in.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 24/10/2021 01:24

run fast, run far.

do not have a baby with this man.

Shasha17 · 24/10/2021 01:26

He sounds like a really awful person. I'd not be having children with him! In fact, I wouldn't even want ro remain married to someone so ignorant, rude, and cruel

Shasha17 · 24/10/2021 01:28

Just RTFT. Good for you!

blubberyboo · 24/10/2021 01:31

I don’t remember the original thread but am so glad you have come to a conclusion that you felt empowered to make.

Once the divorce is stamped you should print out and post him a copy of this thread to show him that all women think he is an arse too.

ZealAndArdour · 24/10/2021 01:35

This is a lot of red flags! I wouldn’t be having a baby with this man, EVER!