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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disagree with husband about childbirth

654 replies

soshnomore · 11/12/2019 10:34

So I'm not pregnant but hoping to be in the next few months. I have previously told OH I would ideally like a water birth, which he was totally against. He is very much of the opinion that a 'normal birth on land' has worked for 1000s of years so why should I want to do something different.
Last night I brought it up again after reading a study that showed water births can decrease tearing and generally improve a mother's wellbeing during childbirth.
He believes that the more pain you go through, the better your bond with your baby, and cites statistics about mothers who have c-sections being more likely to develop PTSD or PND.
It's like debating with a child. He doesn't listen to my point of view or really take my feelings into consideration at all in the situation.
"I'd rather we find a woman who will carry your egg and give a normal birth than choosing to "lay my eggs in water when they should be laid in a nest"."
I mean come on... He basically said if I had a water birth he would never forgive me.
I've said we can speak to a doctor or a midwife and seek their advice but he is dead set against it and has "had his last word on it".
Am I being unreasonable to think that ultimately the way I give birth is my decision, and he should have more consideration for how I will feel in this whole thing?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 23/10/2021 21:52

I remember your post. So very glad to see you’re free, wishing you a wonderful life SmileFlowers

Happier days await.

AliceinBorderland · 23/10/2021 21:52

😃👏👍 for divorcing him.

Sorry you had to go through that though.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 23/10/2021 21:53

Lovely update. I hope you're doing well. Congratulations on standing up for yourself Flowers

Merryoldgoat · 23/10/2021 21:54

I’m so glad you escaped.

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 23/10/2021 21:54

FFs don’t get impregnated by this twat

autummvibes · 23/10/2021 21:55

Brilliant update. Well done on walking away. I wish you every happiness x

CanofCant · 23/10/2021 21:56

Excellent update. Good luck and all the best OP.

MouseRoar · 23/10/2021 21:56

I didn't see this thread before today but I am very glad you didn't have a child with this man. It's very difficult when you love somebody to see the woods from the trees. Well done for getting away before you were well and truly trapped. All the best for the future

Thereareliterallynonamesleft · 23/10/2021 21:56

Glad to hear it, well done on being so strong!

AnnListersBlister · 23/10/2021 21:56

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.
This, times 1000000000.He will turn (even more) abusive.
AnnListersBlister · 23/10/2021 21:57

Sorry, jumped the gun, just seen the update. Well done OP, some good news :)

AnotherEmma · 23/10/2021 21:58

@soshnomore

I'm sure nobody is wondering what happened, but I enjoy seeing updates on reddit so thought I'd add a quick one.

I didn't get pregnant. I finally ended our marriage about 6 months after this post (this was the tip of a very large and emotionally abusive iceberg), and we'll hopefully be officially divorced next month.

All I can say is the red flags that everyone else can see, are very easy to ignore when you're being told you're the one with the problem.

Well done for leaving him. I was appalled to read the OP and very relieved indeed to read that you didn't have children with him. I hope you are either happily single or happy in a new, better relationship now.
CallMeRisley · 23/10/2021 21:58

Wow OP, what an update. I hadn’t seen the original post when it was first posted but was outraged reading through it just now so I am so pleased to see your update, although I’m sure you’ve been through some very difficult times, I hope things are looking up for you now and good luck for the future.

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 23/10/2021 21:58

OOPS should have read all of OPs posts before commenting. Well done for leaving the abusive relationship.

Chimley · 23/10/2021 22:02

Wishing you all the best OP. And I'm sure you're thankful you didn't get pregnant and tied to an emotionally abusive man.

Leftphalange · 23/10/2021 22:03

Well done OP, glad you made this decision and best wishes for the future.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 23/10/2021 22:07

I agree no vagina no opinion.
But also from my experience with my first two my births were so painful I refused to hold them after. I think I went into shock. It took a few days to feel anything for them. My third was a much easier birth and he was the only one that I felt that rush of love with and felt bonded to from the start. So tell Mr. Know it All to shove that up his arse!

billy1966 · 23/10/2021 22:07

Well done for seeing who he was and not having children with him.

Every good wish for your future.Flowers

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 23/10/2021 22:12

Don’t propagate that mans genes. What an arse. You are making a cross for your own back love, he will be of no use to you as a partner or parent. Get rid

Tottie · 23/10/2021 22:25

Cancel the cheque!!
In all seriousness though, that is an amazing update that I was not expecting. Well done op I wish you all the best for the future Flowers

Getyourownback · 23/10/2021 22:27

Bloody brilliant news. He was a maniac. I love posters who come back with updates.

AnotherVice · 23/10/2021 22:31

What a relief!

Redarrow2017 · 23/10/2021 22:32

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

arethereanyleftatall · 23/10/2021 22:33

Awesome update. Phew!.
Ps if he ever goes on online dating, can you let us all know his username so that we can avoid him 🤞🏻

MrsBungle · 23/10/2021 22:34

Good for you op!