To end my marriage over this

[Bebby80]

Name changed as this is very outing for anyone who knows me in real life.

Recently found out I was pregnant with dc no 4. Dh wasn’t happy and tbh it took me a while to get my head around. Timing wasn’t great but after having a think, we both decided we would be going ahead with the pregnancy.

I had my first scan (12 week) yesterday. Told dh about it weeks in advance. He couldn’t get the day off but as he works 10 mins from the hospital he said he would meet me there and then go back to work. Text him as I was leaving to remind him. Get there and it’s 5 mins from my appointment time, he hasn’t shown up. Call him and he says sorry he forgot. As I’m on the phone to him, they call me in so I tell him there’s no point now.

The scan didn’t go well. They can see a yolk and sac and baby but baby has no heartbeat. I’m devastated, obviously. I have no symptoms of miscarriage so it was a complete shock but they tell me the pregnancy isn’t viable and I will miscarry. They give me my options.

I phone him in the car on the way home and ask if he can possibly leave early as I was really upset. He says he will try. I get on with my day, pick other dc up from school. Radio silence from him, not even a text to see how I’m doing. Gets to 6pm, he’s not home. Call him a couple of times, no answer. It’s now 8.30 and I’m calling him again he finally answers and I ask where he is. He says the lads called him as they were a player down (he does a team sport) so he decided to go straight to his club from work. Honestly, I just lost it on the phone to him. I was trying to keep it together all day as I didn’t want to be upset in front of the dc but I couldn’t hold it in. This is just another in a long line of times I feel let down by him. He doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. In his words, him being home won’t change anything and he said he was upset too and needed to clear his head. I told him if he can’t even be there for me at a time I need him to most, what is the point in us being together.

Am I being a massive drama queen here as he has made me feel like I am?

OP, you must not move out. See a solicitor asap. Do your homework and get the best you can find. Also find and copy every single piece of financial paperwork you can, including pay slips and pension information.
Read the relationships and separation/ divorce boards on here. Post on there for specific advice around separation.
Your husband is not going to be fair or reasonable. You must protect yourself and your children.

No OP he should be going. This is your children’s home much more stressful for them all if you all move.

Tell him you have rethought things and he should move out!

Oh my God, OP. I'm so sorry. His behaviour is appalling - you are in no way BU....

NO. He moves out.

That's the norm - because the priority is the children.

They need as much stability as possible. And the priority in a divorce when it comes to housing is that the children are housed - the adults come second.

YOU are the primary carer. YOU stay in the home because that's where the children are. And your family are round the corner.

Mr Selfish can be the one to be inconvenienced for a change. I bet he felt as if he'd won the lottery when you said YOU were moving out... and I note that any kind of father would have said 'No, I'll go - the kids need their home' - not him.

Please tell him you've changed your mind and he will be the one moving out.

Also it makes no financial sense.

So you move out and need to find second family housing that can serve four of you? And he stays in the family home and rattles around on his own?

It's daft.

And agree, you need to protect yourself. He doesn't give a shit about you or his kids and he'll take you for what he can get. So don't make it even easier for him by handing him your children's home on a plate.

I’m sorry about your pregnancy 🌷

And very sorry your DH has checked out if your marriage

You’ve made the right decision divorcing him - don’t lose sight of that

BUT do NOT move out!! Get yourself a shit hot lawyer and get everything you can out if the settlement (including half his pension) YOU have been raising his 3 children while he has been living the life of a single man with the benefits of a wife/housekeeper/childminder and 3 kids he can play with when he feels like it.

Don’t be soft. Get angry and get a shut hit solicitor!!

Shut hit?! Shit hot

So so sorry for your loss OP. I had a MMC while bf partied at Glastonbury. He stayed for the rest of the festival. I never spoke to him again.

You’ve made a really brave decision, at such a devastating and vulnerable time . So much respect to you.

Do not move out (unless you are wanting a change?) You and the kids stay. Selfish bastard can leave.

Please get legal advice from a solicitor before you leave the marital home. As a marital asset, you are entitled to half of it anyway, and it makes ZERO sense for you to leave it, when you have the kids.
So HE needs to leave.
You need to stay in the house with your DC as it's their home - OR you need to force a sale and buy somewhere else for you and the DC.

But do not leave it voluntarily - it puts you in a more precarious position.

I wouldn’t leave the home of your DC, he needs to go. Now.

Why are you waiting until after Christmas? He’ll still fuck off and do his hobby, whilst you go through a possible D&C or miscarriage and also parent your children.

He’s no use, whatsoever. I’d get your DF and friends around to support you and the DC over the festivities.

for you

I agree. Legal advice before you leave.

Even if the house is in his name, even if he had it before the marriage. Even if you rent. There are children involved so you need to be sure of what your (and their) rights are regarding the family home.