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Original poster

Do women... 'give up driving'?? Is this sexist... Don't hear re men giving up driving.

163 replies

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/12/2019 20:07

Met with some old school pals that I'd not seen for years.... We met in large town ...
Everyone... (Apart from me) said they 'no longer drove'... They all live in small market towns and still work...we all got our licenses late teens...

So... Is this unusual 5 women... 4 had not driven 'for years'...
I was a bit flabberghasted...they're all feminists /workers....

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 10/12/2019 08:46

And can’t you tell that’s all they do when you’re driving near them? It’s so obvious when someone only does the supermarket/school run.
I know a couple of people who will only do local driving. They openly admit they will only drive places they know. If we plan events in a local city, they'll need to clear it with DH/DP to see if he's free to give them a lift.

One gets colleagues to do any driving between different sites or courses because they usually go in pairs and she doesn't like driving to new places.

Whattodoabout · 10/12/2019 09:12

My Dad gave up driving when he moved to London. Unless he’s left London for any reason, he hasn’t driven for 20 years now and he used to drive for a living. You don’t need to drive in some parts of the country.

yellowallpaper · 10/12/2019 10:00

That's ridiculous. My mum drives everywhere and she's nearly 70. MIL (80s) almost gave up as she only had a Mercedes the size of a bus. She traded that in for a little Toyota and now happily drives again.

BenjiB · 10/12/2019 10:12

I’m late 40’s most of my friends are too. I have friends that have never driven but none at all that have given up.

myself2020 · 10/12/2019 10:17

I gave up driving - don’t need to, my office is in central london, otherwise i just take a taxi (and work pays mostly)
husband drives - his office is in the middle of nowhere, and he isn’t high enough on the career ladder for work to pay.
For me and colleagues not driving is a bit of a status symbol. the higher up thd career ladder you are, the less you drive

AryaStarkWolf · 10/12/2019 10:21

Only people I ever hear of "giving up driving" is elderly people (male and female) because it's no longer safe for them to do so

Cookit · 10/12/2019 10:23

I gave up driving although honestly I hardly drove much to start with. I have a bit of a mental block with it and just can’t drive.

I do speak to quite a few women who say similarly - like me they have a car parked in front of their house but haven’t driven for years. We do the school run on foot or by bus. I do know one who has picked it up again recently so maybe there’s hope for me.

BackforGood · 10/12/2019 10:25

You must have an unusual friendship group.
Only people I know who have given up driving are elderly folk who no longer feel they are safe, and folk with dementia or other medical conditions, who have been declared unsafe.

I meet up with old school friends now and then (we are mid 50s) and everyone drives to the meet up from all over England and Scotland. Some live in Cities, some in remote places, but everyone drives.

Nottobesoldseparately · 10/12/2019 10:25

DH and I both have a car but we have discussed going down to one car when he retires next year.

The long story short is that it's not happening. I'm not prepared to give up my own insurance (which allows me to drive any car) and neither is he. We have also had a forced period of time where we only had one car and we both hated it. The endless logistics and conversations of working out who was doing what when and who's need for the car was greater.

We both enjoy driving however, and the freedom it affords us, which i think makes a difference.

And we have a his and her cars. My car is the better one so if we do go anywhere together he is more likely to drive as it means he gets to drive mine for a change. We take it in turns to drink too, so we both miss out, not just one of us!

Insideimsprinting · 10/12/2019 10:27

My Husband stopped driving for medical reasons and I need to drive him everywhere.
I hate driving, learnt only because I needed a license for a job many moons ago, when my Husband could drive, he did it all, he quite likes it.
I wish I didnt have to drive. Not because I want a man to drive me around as im a mere female but because I just dislike it.

To be honest OP being a feminist/worker doesnt mean you have to do everything. Its having the choice and the options available to you thats important. Choosing not to take things up is ok.

You could fight for equality in relation to childcare/working hours so men can take the time off and women work or for it to be equal and thats great but choosing to be the one who takes it on as the female doesnt make you any less of a feminist, it just means you have had a choice to make and made the right one for you.

bluebluezoo · 10/12/2019 10:28

I don't get why you would need to "give up" driving, unless it's a medical reason or similar. It's not like if you have to hand your licence back if you don't drive for x years...

I didn't drive when I was a student/lived in city centres. Public transport often quicker and more convenient. I didn't own a car for a long time.

Would never have said I had "given up" though? It just wasn't a convenient option so I didn't. When I moved to the suburbs and needed a car I started driving again.

ifyoulikepinacolada · 10/12/2019 10:29

I surrendered my license for medical reasons. I live in London so it’s fine but would make life much easier if I could hire a car from time to time!

WobblyLady · 10/12/2019 10:32

I gave up driving. I am 49 and havent driven in about 3 years and got rid of my car. I gave up because I have arthritis in both hands, just had my second op on one hand, and wont drive again, I found it very stressful anyway. I used to love driving when i was young tho.

Foghead · 10/12/2019 10:33

The thought of having to give up driving and rely on my dh to take us everywhere brings me out in a cold sweat.
I don’t know anyone who has done this. It sounds bizarre to me.

Buddywoo · 10/12/2019 10:36

I drove most of the day for my job but then went to live in Spain and just couldn't get to grips with driving on the right and the gearstick being on the other side. My husband then did all the driving.

Fast forward 15 years and now back in the UK I find I have lost all my confidence and only drive if I absolutely have to, which is hardly ever. It is too easy to let my DH do it for me. If anything happened to him then I will have to drive.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 10/12/2019 10:40

41 and recently moved to rural Oz... no chance of giving up driving here!

GaryWilmottsTeeth · 10/12/2019 10:42

when I was a little girl (in the early 1980s) my uncle died. My auntie, who at the time was in her 50s, had never learned to drive, and had been reliant on him to drive her everywhere. She immediately started driving lessons because she realised she needed her independence. She turned out to be an excellent driver and is still driving very competently now, well into her late 80s.

xChristmasJumperx · 10/12/2019 10:43

I did make that decision, but I don't see car-driving as a part of feminism! You say these women who don't drive are feminists, as though there is something incongruous in that. I gave up driving because I live near a bus stop I need to get to work, and there are several other bus routes between 4 and 13 minutes walk away. I am walking distance from a big town and a station. I can use a taxi at night. This is my choice. It makes sense to me. I'm single though so I'm not getting lifts from my husband which perhaps makes it less of an issue in the sense the OP means as I can see that having a car outside but never driving it is perhaps a more passive decision than the active one (I FEEL) I've made to just not have a car because it's an expense I can do without.

A lot more men see driving as linked to their identity whereas women aren't likely to see driving as a part of their identity. I think a lot of men would hang on to their car even when all reason would have suggested it was not an economic decision.

xChristmasJumperx · 10/12/2019 10:46

I can't believe the responses here. Y'all are aware that the planet needs fewer cars, fewer drives. It's not ''pathetic'' to decide you can do without a car Shock

dottiedodah · 10/12/2019 10:48

Never heard of this TBH! Unless 80 something and given up for health reasons! My feeling is that many (usually much older women) may decide not to drive as go everywhere with DH.Not advisable anyway .What happens when DH is ill or passes on? Many rural buses are being hit hard and in here in Dorset many villages have been left with no bus service at all!

Cookit · 10/12/2019 11:00

@xChristmasJumperx yeah it’s great to think that I can’t possibly be a real feminist because my DH does all the driving isn’t it? (It’s what works in my family .. he likes driving, I don’t etc).
Is there a list of things you need to do to be a feminist?

kittykarate · 10/12/2019 11:08

I have no problems driving by myself but I prefer not to drive any passengers as I find them a pain in the arse. Every sharp intake of breath, fiddle with the heater, fiddle with the sat nav really puts me off. I've never really got used to having passengers in a car, basically for the first 3 years after I passed my test I got a job that involved a lot of solo driving so I never had that 'bumming round the local roads with your mates' experience.

So if you saw me and my husband together in the car, barring designated driver situations, he'd be driving.

Seeline · 10/12/2019 11:09

Both my DM &MIL still drive competently in their early 80's.

FfionFlorist · 10/12/2019 11:10

I have a friend in her early 50s who has given up motorway driving and driving at night. For her It's a form of opting out of family responsibility, now she can only work part time and very locally and leaves more and more to her dh. I see problems ahead.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 10/12/2019 11:29

My late husband never learnt to drive. When we met he was living and working in London so had no need nor anywhere to park a car if he had one. After we met he moved to the suburbs to be with me and we had a young family so money was tight and none to spare for lessons and a second car and by the time we had more available money we had got used to me being the only driver.

I will carry on driving until I feel I am not 100% safe to do so buy which time hopefully I will have downsized and have bought a small house in the centre of my local town with everything needed on my doorstep.