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Original poster

Do women... 'give up driving'?? Is this sexist... Don't hear re men giving up driving.

163 replies

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/12/2019 20:07

Met with some old school pals that I'd not seen for years.... We met in large town ...
Everyone... (Apart from me) said they 'no longer drove'... They all live in small market towns and still work...we all got our licenses late teens...

So... Is this unusual 5 women... 4 had not driven 'for years'...
I was a bit flabberghasted...they're all feminists /workers....

OP posts:
LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 09/12/2019 21:06

I have friends who used to drive but now live in central London so don't and don't own cars, they wouldn't consider they'd given up because they've had no necessity to drive for a while. The only person I know who has actually given up driving and has rescinded his licence is my 87 year old grandfather who has glaucoma.

Love51 · 09/12/2019 21:06

My step mil used to only use the car to do the supermarket shop. She was scared to drive in the city or on the motorway. Her and fil no longer have a car, which is cheaper. They live on a main road / major bus route.

My mum started to phase out driving. Das was retired, she worked in a hospital, the walk was too far given her health needs but wasn't eligible for a parking pass as she only lived a couple of miles away, so they got used to her getting the bus or a lift. Partially due to step mil and partially due to Mumsnet, I had a chat with her. It went 'dads health is getting worse. Given that you don't fancy driving now, do you think you will few more like it when dad can't drive? I don't mind if you want to give up the car when that happens but plan for that, don't walk into it'.
She would proudly tell me the places shed driven, and now dad can't drive, she can almost do any driving. She isn't keen on eg crossing the Pennines at night, but can happily drive to visit all her children, drive dad to appointments etc

There is a gendered element to it. Dad stopped driving when he became dangerous due to becoming unconscious without warning. Mum nearly gave up out of inertia!

IAmCatBed · 09/12/2019 21:08

I gave up driving after a horrible road accident that was caused by a failure of traffic lights. Two green lights operating at the same time for cars and pedestrians was never going to end well. I don't trust traffic lights anymore.

I don't need to drive to get to work or to do the things I want to do. So I choose not to drive anymore. I might do so again at some point in the future, but not just now. I don't see it as a failure and don't give a shit about how a man might have reacted.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 09/12/2019 21:08

I've stopped for mental health reasons. I have pstd and whilst my psychriatrist isn't at all concerned, I just don't trust myself. Even the thought of it makes me hugely anxious, panicky and stressed.

I would love to get back into it. My son's preschool is a 5 minute drive or a 35 minute minimium walk pushing a pram and persuading ds to actually stop looking at every single snail/leaf/bird/dog and walk a mile and a half uphill. At the moment, it's just not possible though.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 09/12/2019 21:09

DH is the default driver in our house, as his car is bigger and I prefer to Mumsnet look out the window.

I’d never give up driving though. It’s a real life line when you live even slightly out of town. I can’t imagine being a competent and safe driver and relinquishing that freedom.

leckford · 09/12/2019 21:10

Seems strange of the people I know only a couple of elderly people don’t drive. It would be very inconvenient for most people unless they live very near a good transport network

pointythings · 09/12/2019 21:13

I think if you've never been a confident driver and don't enjoy driving, then you're likely to give it up and let someone else do it. And from experience the majority of nervous drivers on the road around me seem to be women in the 40+ age bracket.

I won't stop until I need to do so for medical reasons - I'm 51, a single mother and I still work, which involves a commute. I also really enjoy driving.

EggysMom · 09/12/2019 21:14

Both my Mum and my Gran used to drive, and 'gave up' because the family had one car, all journeys were family journeys, and so the man drove.

Both my Mum and my Gran told me vehemently to never to give up driving and end up reliant on men like they were. I'm actually the main driver in our family Smile

superram · 09/12/2019 21:14

I haven’t given up but am aware I am in danger of getting out of practice. I get the tube to work, husband drives if we go out together. It’s a slippery slope to losing my confidence and I’m only 42.

BlouseAndSkirt · 09/12/2019 21:15

I don;t get the 'his car / her car' thing.

It isn't a thing in our household because only I drive, but in my parents, my siblings family, the adults drive which ever car is most suitable for the journey they are making, or which ever one is not blocked in n the drive.

I know it is likely that each person usually uses one car more than the other, but surely both belong to the family?

Babdoc · 09/12/2019 21:16

Fortunately I like driving, as I was widowed young, live in rural Scotland, and also used to have to drive at over 100mph on emergency calls from home as a doctor covering two hospitals. I’m now retired, but my lovely daughters have just given me a birthday voucher for an hour’s tuition with a racing driver, after which I will be let loose on a race circuit in a souped up car!
I would never “give up driving” - my licence will have to be prised from my gnarled old hands when somebody decides I am no longer fit...!

ooooohbetty · 09/12/2019 21:17

I don't know any women who have given up driving all together, but I do know women who will only drive very short journeys, to and from work for example. Anything further is always done by husbands. Because they are scared. Bit pathetic in my opinion. I like driving.

BillHadersNewWife · 09/12/2019 21:18

I'm starting to learn in the new year! I'm 47! Grin

PurpleDaisies · 09/12/2019 21:18

I don’t get the 'his car / her car' thing.

My car has my stuff in it. It’s nicer to drive than DH’s. We’re both insured on each other’s cars but I think it’s totally normal to have “your” car.

melj1213 · 09/12/2019 21:18

I never officially "gave up driving" but reading this I just realised that I have ...

I learnt to drive when I was 17 because my parents insisted it was better to learn to drive early than have to start later on ... I then drove while I was at 6th Form and University.

After university I moved to Madrid and I lived in the city centre where there is a fantastic public transport system -metro, tram, buses, taxis - so decided not to buy a car (especially when parking is impossible in the city).

Almost a decade, a DD and a divorce later I moved back to my hometown and bought a car thinking I needed it as my town doesnt have the greatest of public transport but actually, once I was back living here properly I realised I live on 2 major bus routes which can get me to work/town, my dd goes to school a 10 minute walk away and all my family either live walking distance away or adjacent to the bus routes so I sold the car and "gave up driving". I just couldn't justify paying hundreds every month for my car - insurance, tax, petrol, MOT, general upkeep - when a monthly bus pass costs £40. Even if I take taxis occasionally (finishing late and cba walking to the bus stop/bad weather/doing a big shop etc) it's still nowhere near as expensive as running a car.

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/12/2019 21:19

Nearly 60 and I am the main driver in the family.

Dp has set small journeys he does each week but anything else and I have to drop him off and collect.

None of my friends have given up.

They all probably do more mileage than their spouses.

BillHadersNewWife · 09/12/2019 21:19

We will have a car each...we'll have to! He uses his to get to work....I will use mine to pick up kids etc and for shopping.

JellyfishAndShells · 09/12/2019 21:20

A friend in her 50s said recently that she no longer did any of the family motorway driving or to new places- she just does local suburban stuff. I think it’s because her car is a little, economical, low powered car that is perfect for her daily local roads commute and her husband drives the larger family car all over the place for his more unpredictable job.

It’s a bit of a case of use it or lose it - the less she has done it, the more her confidence has ebbed away. She’s very confident in all other aspects of her life.

It happened to my mother in a similar manner but then my father died suddenly and she had to regain her confidence for more than very local driving or she would have been very restricted ( lived rurally)

I do most of the driving, motorway or otherwise, in our family In the UK but my DH is much better at instantly adapting to driving abroad, and in LHD cars , so I am happier to be navigator/co pilot unless it is a long drive and need to take a turn.

PanicAndRun · 09/12/2019 21:21

Well I'm mid 30's and can't drive at all, nor do I want to so they're ahead of me.

Hepsibar · 09/12/2019 21:22

I think the older generation of females who quite often learnt to drive later than we do today and only had one car may have given up sooner or be happy for their partners to drive when they retired and then get out of practice and lose confidence ... but eventually the husbands/male partners have to give up for health reasons.

Pipandmum · 09/12/2019 21:22

I'd only give my car up if I moved to London and would then rent if needed it. But not one person I know has given up driving unless forced to due to old age (like 80+). Driving to me equals independence.

Cohle · 09/12/2019 21:29

I know some women who have done this.

Usually only one family car, DH drives it for work/insists on being the one to drive at the weekend, so wife only drives very infrequently and loses skills and confidence. So I do think it's a sexist issue, but not in the same way OP seems to.

Nanalisa60 · 09/12/2019 21:30

I’m nearly 60 and have no intention of stopping driving!! I think it’s a big mistake as most men die before there wife’s!, then you are stuck waiting on buses or waiting for other people to take you out because you have lost you self confidence to drive. I saw this happen to my mum and my aunties they just stoped driving especially when there husbands retired.

lifeisgoodagain · 09/12/2019 21:32

Never heard of that ever, yes in 70's but not my age. If anything you need a car more if you are ferrying kids or doing elder care.

GabsAlot · 09/12/2019 21:35

My late dm gave up driving it always stressed her out and she just let my dad drive-she was in her late 40s