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Original poster

Do women... 'give up driving'?? Is this sexist... Don't hear re men giving up driving.

163 replies

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/12/2019 20:07

Met with some old school pals that I'd not seen for years.... We met in large town ...
Everyone... (Apart from me) said they 'no longer drove'... They all live in small market towns and still work...we all got our licenses late teens...

So... Is this unusual 5 women... 4 had not driven 'for years'...
I was a bit flabberghasted...they're all feminists /workers....

OP posts:
Topazance · 09/12/2019 23:05

I drive when my dp isn't around. When he is then he drives as he's a back seat driver and I just get irritated by him. Wouldn't mind so much but I'm a much better driver than him. He's actually a crap driver but for some reason thinks he's the bees knees! 😂 😂

Original poster
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/12/2019 23:05

Re their work... One works from home, the other locally... The other commutes a couple of days a week. On these days her other half drops her off en route...

No should have been clearer in my initial post..

They all drove when their kids were dependent...

No-nome of them have medical conditions...

I find it baffling... You're giving away your independence.... And if you don't regularly drive surely you lose your confidence if there was an emergency?

I find it baffling for this group of pals as none of my regular pals are. Like this... All are enthusiastic drivers

OP posts:
ShinyGiratina · 09/12/2019 23:07

MiL gave up driving in her early 80s as she was aware of her physical and mental reactions changing. FIL didn't give up driving. He died in his 60s.

DM has scaled back to local, well lit routes as she's aging due to arthritis affecting her stamina for it. DF didn't give up driving. He died suddenly in his 50s.

I can think of older couples where the wife never learned to drive. One couple I know retired to the arse end of nowhere, which will be very awkward as his dementia progresses and he has to relinquish his license at some point as she can go nowhere by herself... The only non-drivers I know of my generation are due to concerns like dyspraxia and epilepsy.

We do the his car/ her car thing. DH and I are very different heights so it's rarely worth the bother of pumping his seat up from the floor to the roof, and pulling it forward from the boot, up to the windscreen Grin He has the larger car, and unfortunately they are poorly designed for short women with muscular calves and tiny feet, and I cramp up within 45 mins of being jammed uncomfortably between an oversized seat, the steering wheel and a floor pivoted accelerator and the handbrake half a foot behind me. I drive myself around locally, but if I do randomly need to drive myself halfway across the country, it's no big deal. DH doing most of the whole family weekend driving is some balancing up of the mental load/ wifeworking that goes on. The key bit is that I can go wherever is necessary, or support him if needed.

AlexaAmbidextra · 09/12/2019 23:09

but I do know women who will only drive very short journeys, to and from work for example. Anything further is always done by husbands. Because they are scared. Bit pathetic in my opinion.

And can’t you tell that’s all they do when you’re driving near them? It’s so obvious when someone only does the supermarket/school run.

XXcstatic · 09/12/2019 23:11

I have had 2 very near misses with 70 something men. Something REALLY needs to be done about public transport, especially with an ageing population.

I agree about public transport, but the usual MN ageism is depressing- and ill-informed. Older drivers have a disproportionately low rate of accidents, compared to younger ones. The really dangerous group are men under 25 - funny how we never hear calls to get them off the roads Hmm

ShannonShouts · 09/12/2019 23:12

Most women in my family gave up driving and their husband drove, or just never learnt if their husband drove

TotalRecall · 09/12/2019 23:12

So what was their reasons for giving up driving? I’ve never met one woman who has given up driving, and you’ve come across a whole bunch all in the same group? How odd!

I hate driving but I hate public transport even more, and I have places to go and imagine I always will. 🤷‍♀️

AgeLikeWine · 09/12/2019 23:16

Driving now is completely different compared to thirty years ago.

Yes. It’s much, much safer. The roads are more crowded, but modern cars are vastly safer than the flimsy death traps of the 1980s.

In 1990 5000 people were killed and 60,000 seriously injured on Britain’s roads. Last year 1782 were killed and 25,000 were seriously injured.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/12/2019 23:19

We got rid of our second car, three months later DH unexpectedly changed jobs to one that wasn't commutable by public transport. So while I haven't 'given up' driving, I drive vanishingly rarely - work from home and really try to avoid 'just nipping to the shops' when they're an easy walk away. I know my confidence has really dipped though - It's easy done, when the circumstances allow.

PremierNaps · 09/12/2019 23:22

Well, unless they told you "I have given up driving because my man drives me every where" you are being unreasonable.

I've sold my car and given up driving 1. Don't have to drive where I live and 2. Driving just stresses me out.

cherryblossomx · 09/12/2019 23:23

I'm early 20s and about to give up driving but reading this thread has made me question doing so. I hate driving and feel nervous doing it. When I went to university I left my car at home and when I was home during holidays I would never really drive it. My last MOT showed that I had only driven my car 100 miles in a year. I hate knowing I am paying so much for insurance for it to sit on the driveway but I am scared that getting rid of it will mean I won't drive ever again, or if not then years. I don't know what my future will be like - where I will live, how far I will have to commute, if I will have children to ferry around, etc.

IfNot · 10/12/2019 00:47

Driving might actually be safer (in that cars are safer when you crash) but it's much more stressful out in the roads than it was 20 years ago because there are just no quiet times, and I think people are much more aggressive. I used to drive up the M1 really early in the morning and it was quite peaceful. Is the M1 ever anything but Hell on earth now?
There's also a lot more road furniture and markings which has been proven to make drivers more stressed. Too much visual stimuli all the time plus speed plus humans plus lethal metal box. It's not a good combination.

Taswama · 10/12/2019 07:24

I’m early 40s and didn’t get my driving license until early 20s. I dislike driving and have always worked somewhere where I don’t have to drive but especially since dc came along I have forced myself to drive more so they don’t miss out. DP ‘makes’ me drive regularly as we both know I get less confident the less I do it, I am considering getting some lessons for night driving as I do it so rarely I hate it and build it up into a big thing.

Verily1 · 10/12/2019 08:08

I think it is sexism- controlling men control the driving as well as everything else.

Sannapaws · 10/12/2019 08:13

I know women who "don't drive' because their DH/DP always drives when they go anywhere, and they don't do local journeys themselves as they walk/bus it/parking issues so are out of practice.
I do think it's ridiculous - but if you don't drive enough it can affect your confidence.
You're right though, I've rarely come across a man who learned to drive but doesn't anymore cos DW likes to be i . charge in the car...

cuntsgaloreonhere · 10/12/2019 08:16

I'd give up driving completely if I could. I only learned 2yrs ago and still don't enjoy it.

My DP does the majority of the driving. He enjoys it and I don't, I don't think there's anything sexist in there as I don't 'expect' him to do all the driving.

Luckylassiam · 10/12/2019 08:19

verily1

No, it’s pathetic women too scared to drive

BlaueLagune · 10/12/2019 08:20

I think it's very common for women to let their menfolk drive. It's interesting if I am waiting to collect my husband at the station - he jumps into the passenger seat and off we go. But I see other people swapping over - the woman has driven to the station but the man drives back. I have done that when I've been feeling under the weather, but I can count on the fingers of one hand when I've done it in over 15 years of living here.

My mum has friends younger than her who do still drive occasionally but will only go very short distances. She is constantly giving lifts to hospital appointments etc that are further afield, but nobody will do it for her! Fortunately she has one (male) friend who will.

BlaueLagune · 10/12/2019 08:21

Too much visual stimuli all the time plus speed plus humans plus lethal metal box. It's not a good combination Very true.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 10/12/2019 08:21

I don't know any women who have given up, but I do know a surprising number of strictly Off Peak Locals, who when I discuss going to a certain place respond that they'd never drive on the motorway/at rush hour/in the dark. I'm not talking driving to the other end of the country, just a few junctions down the motorway to the next city down. I've yet to come across a man who limits himself in the same way. I always wonder whether women should be more confident, or men should be more aware of their deficits.

LittleCandle · 10/12/2019 08:26

I remember going down from Scotland to Northamptonshire in 1997 to a funeral. I drove. Thought nothing of it. All my aunt's friends were flabbergasted that I had done so, as none of them drove anywhere outside their small village or, at most, the next town. None of them had ever driven on the motorway they could see from their windows, and all of them had had a licence since late teens/early 20s. I didn't think this was as common now, though.

HandsOffMyRights · 10/12/2019 08:27

My MIL can drive, but doesn't. FIL insists on driving everywhere and also shushes her when she speaks/dares to interrupt him Angry

My mother gave up driving in her 60s. She used to drive everywhere, but lost her nerve. Her partner drives everywhere.

I know many couples where it is assumed the male will 'take the lead' and drive the family about.

Therefore, I make sure we share the driving so my sons don't grow up thinking that women are simply 'passengers'.

NewNameIsNew · 10/12/2019 08:29

I don't enjoy driving but DH does so if we're together he mostly drives. However I do drive on my own and we always split long journeys.

I know a few women who never learnt (30s) and a couple of men who didn't

NewNameIsNew · 10/12/2019 08:36

My mum always wanted me not to let DH always be the default diver and lose my confidence. I've made sure I've still done some driving when we are all in the car to ensure this doesn't happen. even if I'd rather not drive I want the option and if you never do it then it's harder to redstart think.

Tensixtysix · 10/12/2019 08:39

A friend gave up driving because she hated roundabouts. Would rather go by bus and travel for 2 hours, than a half hour drive and a few roundabouts...bonkers!