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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn't see this one coming - 8yo dd and mobile phone....

259 replies

Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:45

My lovely little girl has just sat me down and asked me if we can talk about when she will be allowed a mobile phone of her own. Confused She was really polite and respectful, but stated that lots of her friends have phones of their own and use YouTube and Tick Tock and she is starting to feel left out. I praised her for being so grown up and stalled her by saying I'd talk to her dad. However, I just can't get my head around her classmates already having mobile phones. She is 8! Surely that is too young? I know dh will say absolutely no way and I agree with him. However, I do worry she is feeling left behind her peers because dh and I are fairly anti social media for young kids. Are we just old fashioned? I am 99.99% certain she is too young, however, I want to know how out of touch I am with the rest of the world, which is why I'm asking her. Her friends and their parents are lovely and they are happy for their kids to have a phone. What am I missing?
YABU - 8 is old enough for a phone and SM. YANBU - you are a completely correct old fashioned fuddy duddy.

OP posts:
recededpronunciation · 09/12/2019 17:46

11th birthday ready for senior school is what we did (not long ago).

Bringonspring · 09/12/2019 17:49

I agree on secondary school!

RiftGibbon · 09/12/2019 17:49

My nearly-9 has a basic phone which is used for holidays & days out. It can make & recive calls and texts.
Many classmates have Alexa's at home and access to tiktok. It's not happening here, regardless of what other peers have/do.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:51

That was the age I had in my head. I've recently upgraded and my old phone is in the drawer- I wonder if she is angling for that? I might hide it out of sight.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 09/12/2019 17:51

If you don’t think she should have one then why on earth did you stall her and say you’d talk to her dad? In her mind now he will be the one saying no, not a joint decision, and you’ve just set out to make him the bad guy.

MumW · 09/12/2019 17:51

Lots of social media sites have a mimimum age of 13. Don't know about Tick Tock don't even know what it is

ConkerGame · 09/12/2019 17:52

YANBU. She is too young

Whattodoabout · 09/12/2019 17:52

My exH said he wants to buy DS one for his tenth birthday in March and I said no way, he’s too young and has absolutely no need for a phone. He can have one when he starts secondary school and not a moment sooner.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:52

What is tiktok? I've never heard of it and dd was unsure.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 09/12/2019 17:53

Far too Young. Cowardly to dump in on her father though.

WombatStewForTea · 09/12/2019 17:53

In the school where I teach by Year 5 almost all have a phone

Shelby2010 · 09/12/2019 17:53

None of my 9yr old DD’s friends have them. She hasn't ever mentioned it, but the answer would be no for a few years yet!

Bickles · 09/12/2019 17:54

DS is 7 and will get one for his 11th birthday most probably.
If he moves schools at 9 which is possible I might get him a phone but a proper old fashioned one with no internet access.
Lots of DS school friends have x box or other gaming thing and fortnight. Won’t be getting that either.

ThisIsSunrise · 09/12/2019 17:54

Not until they are going out places (Like walking to school) by themselves. No further discussion needed.

MrsTWH · 09/12/2019 17:55

8 is far too young! Mine were both in Year 6, and are not allowed any social media apart from WhatsApp which I check daily at a random time. They do watch YouTube but it seems to be mostly FIFA related/gamers as I check the history.
Schools are dealing with all sorts of phone-related crap in primary now, she won’t be the only one. You have to protect your DD for as long as you can.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:56

I stalled her because she had asked so politely and sensibly. She made her point really eloquently and I wanted her to feel listened to. Me and her dad make all decisions jointly, she is used to us answering jointly. I've text dh about it and then I will speak to him in front of her and say that might thoughts are that she is too young yet, then he will agree with me and say why. I'd never sell dh down the river.

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 09/12/2019 17:56

We're going through this - dd is 9.5 and has been asking for a while. We had originally said high school which for us is 2.5 years away but she's recently moved to a different school with a different structure so will be moving up next year
It seems like a lot of her year have phones already.

At her old school pretty much all of the p7s had phones and I'd say it seemed like a majority of p6 too

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/12/2019 17:56

Far too young. And I don't believe all her friends have phones either, I think this is a playground cooked-up pre-emptive Christmas strike!

eeyore228 · 09/12/2019 17:57

My eldest was told a categoric no until she walked to school on her own. Her sister is 8 and been told the same thing. Don’t rely on you DH to say no if you know both of you are of the same opinion, just be honest with her.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/12/2019 17:57

When you say no (you are going to say no, aren't you?) please make it very clear that this is a joint decision, don't leave your DH to carry the can.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 09/12/2019 17:57

No way, we Only have a family basic handset that can be taken by a child when they e.g. stay with a friend etc

noworlater13 · 09/12/2019 17:57

No not a good idea at all! Even 11 can be hard. Dc do not understand how messages and using phones can get them in trouble.
Both mine ds got them when they went to secondary and I was lucky that ds1 didn't really use his much until year 9 and ds2 only uses it for YouTube.
Both ds have had random dm's from trolls saying nasty things for no reason, which they openly tell me.

1066vegan · 09/12/2019 17:57

My dd started telling me that she needed a phone at about this age. I made her wait until the last term of year 6. I let her have one before she left primary school so that she could swap phone numbers with friends who were going to different secondary schools.

@Whatsername177 tiktok is a social media app that's become popular recently with teens. They upload videos of themselves. From what dd has shown me, they seem to be mostly dance and music videos but I've heard that there are some safeguarding concerns with it.

blibblibs · 09/12/2019 17:58

We did 11th birthday, in time for senior school.
One has a phone now, other waiting not so patiently! Does have WhatsApp but no other SM at the moment dispite repeated requests for insta and fb.

champagneandfromage50 · 09/12/2019 17:58

My DC got cheap mobiles during the middle of yr 6. As they would be travelling at secondary I wanted them to get used to it. They got better phones when a little older but as a warning both my DC have been mugged for there phones. An 8yr old has no need for one. They can use apps on an iPad if there wanting to communicate with friends and that requires parental supervision too and most SM sites are from 12 and above

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