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AIBU?

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Original poster

Didn't see this one coming - 8yo dd and mobile phone....

259 replies

Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:45

My lovely little girl has just sat me down and asked me if we can talk about when she will be allowed a mobile phone of her own. Confused She was really polite and respectful, but stated that lots of her friends have phones of their own and use YouTube and Tick Tock and she is starting to feel left out. I praised her for being so grown up and stalled her by saying I'd talk to her dad. However, I just can't get my head around her classmates already having mobile phones. She is 8! Surely that is too young? I know dh will say absolutely no way and I agree with him. However, I do worry she is feeling left behind her peers because dh and I are fairly anti social media for young kids. Are we just old fashioned? I am 99.99% certain she is too young, however, I want to know how out of touch I am with the rest of the world, which is why I'm asking her. Her friends and their parents are lovely and they are happy for their kids to have a phone. What am I missing?
YABU - 8 is old enough for a phone and SM. YANBU - you are a completely correct old fashioned fuddy duddy.

OP posts:
TheReef · 09/12/2019 18:22

I told my dd she could have a phone when she started secondary school and started taking the bus

I made her sign a statement with rules for using the phone.

I don't let her have tiktok or Instagram or anything that's not the right age for her

EvaHarknessRose · 09/12/2019 18:23

Once she gets a phone she will want to go on WhatsApp groups and those are a nightmare of social backstabbing and older siblings sharing inappropriate stuff at that age. You will find yourself wanting to stab yourself in the eye rather than have to be the monitor of her conversations for the next three years. Or you could not monitor and she will be vulnerable to online grooming because of too much too soon.

edgewater · 09/12/2019 18:25

DS got his for his 11th birthday. He was one of the last in his class. Only 3 of them didn’t have a phone by then.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 09/12/2019 18:26

Ds was little and some of his friends had mobile phones, we got ds an iPod, has everything his friends had however not a mobile phone.

He’s 10 now and has an iPhone.

Shannith · 09/12/2019 18:27

DC is 8 and has had an old handset with no sim since she was 6.

She only uses to FaceTime family and one friend - and can imessage one friend - both sets iPod parents are fine with this.

She has an iPad and watches nonsense on my you tube or kids you tube.

She also plays games, some actually quite educational, some rubbish, she does self-select mostly games that involve cooking for people and jumping ponies - always with a parent in the room.

I'm also of the mindset that if you make a big thing out of it, once they get one they'll go crazy. Bit like sweets etc. SIL will not let her DC of the same age have any sugar at all. Guess which child is always secretly stealing sugar sachets from cafes?

I'm not equating the two literally, but it's not a dissimilar scenario.

I sort of pick my battles. Having contestant access to the internet, social media is will be a fact of their live growing up - for good and bad. I'd rather it was something unremarkable than illicit.

Most of the kids in her class have the shame - small class.

Sallycinnamum · 09/12/2019 18:27

Eva absolutely has it right. It's a Pandora's Box you will never be able to shut.

May be because I directly see the utter shitstorm social media can create I'm over cautious but I want my DC to be at home and away from the bloody bitchiness and nastiness.

Shannith · 09/12/2019 18:29

Dear lord, autocorrect is having fun this evening. Hopefully you get the gist?

Most important - the same not the shame. Freudian slip?

TreeSwayer · 09/12/2019 18:30

My sons were year 6 and it was Christmas time when they got their first phones so they were 10 but almost 11.

I do know that when the children were in year 5 there was some serious bullying of girls by other girls all in school together, real bitchiness to do with rate my photo posted on snapchat. The parents of the bullied girls didn't feel that they could involve school as they shouldn't have had access to snapchat anyway or Whatsapp or Instagram. So it went on for quite a while.

There are often huge fallouts over SM in primary schools. I volunteer in KS2, and sadly girls are the worst for this. The internet is an adult playground so children have to be watched and monitored. Phones are much harder to lock down than laptops/tablets.

I think it is sensible to say for preparation for secondary although the secondary school my friend's children are at do not allow mobile phones in school.

hiredandsqueak · 09/12/2019 18:31

Mine got their phones for leaving Primary ready for starting Secondary. I think that is plenty early enough.

Figgygal · 09/12/2019 18:31

Why on earth does an eight-year-old need a mobile phone ? My eldest is in year three and eight soon I wouldn't even think about it

Secondary school seems to be when people do it round here although my friends daughter is in year six and she got one this year because she genuinely was the only one of her friends without one

ShannonShouts · 09/12/2019 18:31

Mine will get them when they leave primary school

Gatehouse77 · 09/12/2019 18:32

None of mine had them before secondary school but I don't know how much has changed in the last 10-12 years. Very few of their peers had them and, more often that not, it was children of separated parents so they didn't have to go through the parent.

My reasoning for not needing one was that they were never in a situation where somebody wasn't with them or knew where they were. There was no 'emergency' situation where they wouldn't be near enough an adult (or home if they were at the park) who couldn't help them.

They didn't communicate through a device (unless it was a DS and they had to be practically next to each other anyway!) so that's the bit that I don't know how much has changed.

christmassymcchristmas · 09/12/2019 18:32

Do they have phones that function though? My 8 year old would say he has a phone. In reality he plays games on my old phone and can't message or call from it and can only download games I approve

Clangus00 · 09/12/2019 18:33

I downloaded TikTok yesterday for a nose.
I was actually horrified by a few things....teenage “dress sense” & the general lack of common sense of some teenagers.
My nieces both have it on their phones and I wondered if my sister knows what it’s like?
I doubt it.

Horcrux · 09/12/2019 18:33

If it’s just you tube and tiktok why not a tablet? Or a phone without a sim card in?

My 10yr old has just been given my old phone, it has no sim. That’s all he uses it for, oh and angry birds!

Lindy2 · 09/12/2019 18:33

Pretty much all the kids I know (including mine) got their phones in year 6. That's the age they started going out by themselves a bit or going to and from school on their own, in preparation for starting Secondary school.

My DD is year 7 now and travels on public transport to the next village to her Secondary school. It's pretty important now that she has a phone to be able to get in touch if needed.

cocomelon23 · 09/12/2019 18:33

My ds is year 5 and has a phone. He chats to his mates on it and online on xbox. He'd feel left out if not.

CallmeAngelina · 09/12/2019 18:33

I teach Year 4. I had a parent in recently asking for my advice on how to stop her child from spending all their time on their (own) mobile phone. I had to work hard to take the Shock look off my face and make my expression neutral.
I mean ffs. Really????

Witchend · 09/12/2019 18:34

We got them Christmas in year 5, that way they have a bit of time to get used to it before they're off to secondary.

However when my oldest got hers then, 7 years ago, she was almost the first in the class to get one.
When my youngest got hers a couple of years ago, he was definitely in the later half, probably the later 1/3.

sobeyondthehills · 09/12/2019 18:34

DS is 7 and has an old phone he can use to watch youtube videos but only at home, he cant take it out or anything and we keep an eye on what he is watching.

Some of his friends do have phones but I am not sure how common it is, DS will get a phone of his own age 10 or 11 but it will be a brick to start off with depending on when he starts walking to school on his own

BlackSwanGreen · 09/12/2019 18:34

My DS2 is 10 and in year 5. He doesn't have a phone and I don't think many of the other kids in his class do.

However, I can believe that it varies by school. If it's true that your DD's friends all do, I'd be tempted to give her one but be very very watchful of what she's using it for.

carly2803 · 09/12/2019 18:35

No way too young! secondary minimum. I only had a phone at 12, kids will be secondary too.

CallmeAngelina · 09/12/2019 18:35

that way they have a bit of time to get used to it

Hmm Why on earth do they need time to get used to it?

CupCupGoose · 09/12/2019 18:36

I have this problem too. My dd is also 8 and because we have a 3 tier school system, she will have to walk nearly a mile to school by herself next year. She has a ten minute walk home from school now which she does by herself a few times a week. It's not so bad though as I still have to collect her younger brother so I'm still about. I will get her a basic phone next year but no way will she be allowed tic toc or any social media. Most of her friends have phone and their own youtube channels ect and I do feel bad that shes being left behind, but I just want her to be safe.

Drabarni · 09/12/2019 18:37

It was secondary school for our 3 too.
They don't need one so young, and now is a good time to talk about being happy in life with what you have, starting your own fashion and not succumbing to peer pressure.
Please don't worry about her being different to her peers it's what will make her interesting.