Didn't see this one coming - 8yo dd and mobile phone....

[Whatsername177]

My lovely little girl has just sat me down and asked me if we can talk about when she will be allowed a mobile phone of her own. She was really polite and respectful, but stated that lots of her friends have phones of their own and use YouTube and Tick Tock and she is starting to feel left out. I praised her for being so grown up and stalled her by saying I'd talk to her dad. However, I just can't get my head around her classmates already having mobile phones. She is 8! Surely that is too young? I know dh will say absolutely no way and I agree with him. However, I do worry she is feeling left behind her peers because dh and I are fairly anti social media for young kids. Are we just old fashioned? I am 99.99% certain she is too young, however, I want to know how out of touch I am with the rest of the world, which is why I'm asking her. Her friends and their parents are lovely and they are happy for their kids to have a phone. What am I missing?
YABU - 8 is old enough for a phone and SM. YANBU - you are a completely correct old fashioned fuddy duddy.

My friends little sister at 12 had someone try to groom her on tick tok, sent pictures and seriously upset her. I would be very careful with it at a young age. I think anyone can see the videos that get put up but unsure.

OP keep her away from phones for a few more years, it’s extremely poor parenting to give a phone to anyone under 11. These devices corrupt young minds and give them access to far too much far too soon. If nothing else they damage the development of social skills and will cause her untold stress by having to conform to her peers. Don’t do it OP!

YANBU-The Tiktok issue is really worrying. If her eight year old peers are genuinely using it (as opposing to claiming that they do for playground status) that is a major safeguarding risk.

What about an iPad/iPod instead? That way it's purely for apps such as games and YouTube rather than being able to actually text + ring people

My 8 year old does not have a phone, iPad, wee etc and won’t be getting any anytime soon.
YANBU
I don’t know any 8 year olds with phones.

We did 11th birthday for dc1, and will do the same for dc2. DC2 is in year 5 and is the only one in her friendship group without a phone (the others have had them for a least a year.) It’s way too young.

OP keep her away from phones for a few more years, it’s extremely poor parenting to give a phone to anyone under 11.

I dont think you can make sweeping statements like this. My 9 year old is getting a phone for Christmas the same age his older brother got his first phone. He walks to and from school alone, if for any reason I am held up from getting home in time I can tell him and tell him to either wait or go to a friends depending on how late I may be. He also plays out with his friends and I like the ability to be able to call him to come in earlier or for him to call me if he is having any problems. Also I think those with carefully monitored/limited access to social media soon find the novelty wears off. My 12 year old got his phone at 9 he now doesnt bother at all with facebook (it's for old people) or snapchat or WhatsApp or Instagram or Tik Tok. In fact he and most of his friends have very limited online presence, they also call each other rather than text. I think the current tweens/teens are very different to the generation when all these things were new and exciting.

Secondary school. I work in primary and most year 6’s don’t have a phone. Probably 10 out of 30 do.

I used to work with police officers who work online undercover pretending to be children. You should see some of the messages that they were sent.... would actually make my blood run cold. Some Parents are clearly exceptionally naive and overestimate how mature their children are and underestimate how willing their children will be to come for help when in trouble online ( getting blackmailed etc). CEOPs research shows 60% of smart phones owned by children have no parental controls on them. Altogether it’s a recipe for disaster and no way would by 8 year old be getting her own phone until secondary school ( and even then only with strict supervision and checking rights)

I agree YANBU but did let ds have an ipone 5s from aged 7-8 and he now has for his 9th birthday an old Samsung galaxy s7. Its more like akin to a tablet. Something we let him use from time to time. I let him WhatsApp but no SM.

He and dh and ds2 take out separate phones to play Pokemon go.

Its confiscated right now as he took it to a crazy golf party to show off to his friends. He's not allowed to take it places independently because hes always under the care of an adult so doesn't need to contact me. Ill be getting a cheap payg for when he turns 12 and goes to secondary school.

Maybe this is what she means when she says friends have phones.

Also hes not allowed to use YouTube without parent supervision. Too many sickos put videos disguised as kid stuff. Plus a lot of YouTube is vapid as fuck.

ds had a dirt cheap dumbphone at yr6. then yr 7 a cheapo smartphone.

I was at an 8 year olds party recently and 4 of girls had mobile phones. I ended up asking girls to put them away for the duration of the party.

Nope - senior school is the norm. Her friends DO NOT all have phones, she’s mistaken/lying/ they’re exaggerating/ fibbing.
Our 10 year old has a handful of friends who have old
Phones but without SIMS etc so they use them at home only for games. Even then I think they shouldn’t have them.
TikTok is for 13+ do NOT let her have it it, it’s totally inappropriate for children and there are huge safety concerns around it.

My youngest had access to a phone for Internet use (an old s3 mini that she used to watch YouTube) from age 6 but only in the house and if her tablet was not working.

At 9.5 she got her own phone but she can watch tik tok but never upload, has WhatsApp, instagram set to private and YouTube. That is also what my 20 year old has.

All other social media are off limits.

She does use it to socialise and video call her friends. Being home ed it is her social device, ie chats and friendship groups on instagram and WhatsApp.

I control it all including turning it off for Bedtime. I can limit and turn off all accounts and apps at will.

We gave ours old ones to use for googling, youtube, photos etc but no sim card so they can't use social media. That was a year ago, they started secondary school this September and I have now got them pay-as-you-go SIM cards for Christmas. I set DD up on Instagram as all her friends use it and I don't want her to be the odd one out - but we have talked about safety and made it private etc. However - I half wish I hadn't as friends are messaging day in and day out, and I have seen messages at 10.30 at night! They aren't allowed phones at school, which is one good thing!

At primary school one or two had phones in earlier years but sometimes for good reasons - and it was absolutely not the norm.

Around me it's unusual to get a mobile before secondary school. The only kid I knew with one in year 5 had parents who were splitting up and he was feeling a bit shaky so wanted to be able to talk to them after school. And really no-one had them at 8!

YANBU - but - I'd let her have a phone.

My son got his the Christmas before he went up to secondary school, aged 10. Before then, he had one of my old phones, without a SIM, linked to my Apple account so he couldn't purchase anything. Now he has a proper phone, we use the Family Link app - he can't access YouTube on it, he can't install anything without our permission, we can remotely lock it/control the hours he uses it. It's really good. He recently made an error of judgement on Instagram, so we've removed the app from his phone, and he's cool with that. He knows it's to keep him safe, and that the phone is a privilege. He also knows that if I ask, he has to unlock it and let me check out his messages. They are all utter drivel - but it's part of the deal that I get to look, for now.

Your daughter asked beautifully, and she needs to learn how to navigate the digital world. It's really easy to place limitations and restrictions on a phone - easier for me to get my head around than the equivalent on a computer.

Of all the social media sites, Tik Tok is the most 'pure' in terms of it being largely just daftness. It has a good heart - but obviously there are risks. You need to understand it, and you need to understand how to keep your daughter safe. This is a reasonable intro: slummysinglemummy.com/2019/12/04/tiktok-a-guide-for-parents/

She doesn't sound phone obsessed. It sounds like you could give her a phone and take it off her/deactivate it at bedtime, and enjoy Tik Tok together. It is much more fun and creative than YouTube, which is the devil's own cesspit and yet we all let our kids watch it on the smart TV and tablets... I'd be refusing YouTube before refusing a phone.

I suspect some of them are calling their tablet a phone in order to sound more grown up.

My kids were watching YouTube at 8 years old but they weren't allowed to upload videos that showed their face or had their voice iyswim. They watched the professional YouTubers who people were talking about at school and who they liked.

I wouldn't allow TikTok or social media at 8 years old.

i upgraded my phone this year, my 9 year old 100% thinks shes getting my old iphone for Christmas, she isnt :D

DD had a brick phone at 8 (almost 9) because she had just starting walking home from school by herself. Basic smart phone did not appear until just before secondary though.

My 10 and 8 year old would LOVE phones BTW and I’ve heard all sort of takes about how they’re the only ones without etc. Not according to the parents though...

www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/10-reasons-you-shouldnt-hand-smartphone-your-children.html

My DSD mother bought her one aged 8

I think it's more on the unusual side in the UK for 8 year olds to have a phone so I'd hold off as she won't be the only one. Where I live every kid has a phone by 1st grade (not exaggeration, I think it's something like 97% of 7 year olds according to surveys) so there's no escaping it as any child that doesn't have one is left out too much as the children arrange playing together and meeting up at the weekend and suchlike on their phones and they have phone time at school sometimes. Would be nicer if it didn't start for another few years.

It was a hell no from me until 11yrs. I gave my DD hers in the June/ July of Y6 so she could get used to it over the summer ready for high school. There were some in her class that had them in Y4 but we felt that it was unnecessary. She had a tablet that she could message us from.