Didn't see this one coming - 8yo dd and mobile phone....

[Whatsername177]

My lovely little girl has just sat me down and asked me if we can talk about when she will be allowed a mobile phone of her own. She was really polite and respectful, but stated that lots of her friends have phones of their own and use YouTube and Tick Tock and she is starting to feel left out. I praised her for being so grown up and stalled her by saying I'd talk to her dad. However, I just can't get my head around her classmates already having mobile phones. She is 8! Surely that is too young? I know dh will say absolutely no way and I agree with him. However, I do worry she is feeling left behind her peers because dh and I are fairly anti social media for young kids. Are we just old fashioned? I am 99.99% certain she is too young, however, I want to know how out of touch I am with the rest of the world, which is why I'm asking her. Her friends and their parents are lovely and they are happy for their kids to have a phone. What am I missing?
YABU - 8 is old enough for a phone and SM. YANBU - you are a completely correct old fashioned fuddy duddy.

To the poster who mentioned WhatsApp. That has a 13 year-old age restriction too.

I'd say no...however maybe download tiktok to your phone where you can set her up a profile. She can use it after shes done homework maybe? And you can check/ supervise

Her reaction to being told 'no' will be the true test to how mature she actually is. It's very easy to be reasonable and polite when you're trying to get something. Bright girl for her age.

A smartphone is far too much for someone her age, unless you can be certain you are going to iron clad the Internet security. Which most parents don't. You could of course compromise and allow her a YouTube account/ Tiktok on a family PC, of which you have full control of at all times. I personally wouldn't want my child that age online, but if you feel like compromising then it's an idea. Certainly wouldn't let her have the whole Internet at her fingertips without any monitoring.

I'm

I was thinking - get her a phone but no SIM card , but then you've got the potential problem of texting getting out of hand after school , possible bullying etc. It's so difficult isn't it?

My son had access to a basic phone from the age of 8 over the summer holidays but got a mobile phone when he was 12. Yes, ALL his friends had one, yes HE was the odd one out. (actually he wasn't) He didn't miss out.
Stick to what you think is right and review the situation when you are ready.

I let my 9 yo have TikTok on her iPod. Her account is private so she can make videos but no one else can see them and I monitor what she’s watching.
DD also wanted a phone at the age and still asks but she won’t be allowed one until she is in year 6.
That seems to be the age when most kids get one.

My eldest got one at 9 because he started walking to school alone, he barely ever charged it in the end. Only really bothered with it in high school tbh.

My 8 year old wants one and will probably get one next year. I can’t really get my knicks in a twist about it although it’s fucken boring as shit reading through my eldest’s messages. (He’s 11 so I still monitor everything)

I have repeatedly told my 8 year old DD that she isn't having a phone until senior school. Little minx even asked Santa for one (a Galaxy S10, no less!!) so "Santa" is going to write back and say she's too young!

My HT spends a ridiculous amount of time fending off parents demanding that she acts to sort out all the nonsense their children are having on social media sites (at home in the evenings) - sites that are for 13 years +
The school does all the recommended teaching about online safety and cyber-bullying, but there's a tsunami of stuff out there to fight against.

I would hedge a bet that at least one other friend doesn't have a phone. I can't believe that 99.9% of 8 year olds have smart phones and social media.
I personally believe 8 is way too young. Even 11 is too young for a smartphone IMO. But of course, it's your and your husbands decision.

When I was a teen, mobiles were just becoming popular (god, I feel old!) and I got my first, call and text only, when I was 13. Generations of people survived up until then without needing to be in constant contact with others.

I gave mine an old pay as you go phone in the summer of year 6. It was the same time she started walking the second part of her journey to school on her own. It was to send me a quick text to say she was at school - all the kids that had phones then had to hand them into the school office for the day. She didn't use the phone for any other purpose and handed it back to me after school.

Personally, I think 8 is a little young for a phone.

DD11 got a very basic smart phone (EE Rook) near the start of Y6 (a couple of weeks before turning 11) because I was offered it as an MN product test.

Although she didn't need a phone per se, I'm glad we had the opportunity to set expectations etc. whilst she was still at primary school, with parents and teachers we know. We'd set ground rules about things such as those stupid chain messages but hadn't foreseen that the Y6 boys would stay up all night to see who could be the last to send a message or the ridiculousness with group chats being set up, everyone requesting to be added as an admin... and then deleting the person who set up the group originally. It was quite unpleasant but meant we could help DD work out what she could do about it, what she wanted to do and how she could do it without being found as 'the snitch'.

When she was in Y6, she had very few apps on her phone apart from WhatsApp and Instagram (to use the photo filters on her own photos, not to post on a public account). She wanted Music.ly (now TikTok) Kik and Snapchat but I'd said she needed to research apps before requesting them and when she did, the reviews on Commonsense Media and the NSPCC horrified her so she changed her mind!

She had a better phone for her 12th birthday and for her 13th, was given my cousin's old iPhone 6S (we're not an Apple household). DD1 is still on a £1 per week PAYG tariff and is able to boost the texts/minutes/data every 12 weeks so gets quite a decent allowance for no extra money. She phones and Skypes her friends after school in much the same way that I used to ring mine on the landline. She doesn't watch TV but does watch drivel on Instagram and YouTube. These days, the form group WhatsApp is used sensibly and seems to largely be to check what was set for homework, if there's assembly etc. She still has peers who are up late texting or sending messages via apps but her phone lives downstairs from 8.30/9pm ish so she isn't part of that.

DD2 has just gone into Y6 and has been provided with a very basic smartphone because she walks to and from school by herself and I want to know when she gets home. I've removed the internet and set restrictions on downloads etc. so it can be used for phonecalls, texts and WhatsApp as well as for listening to music. I think it's easier to nip things in the bud and to teach sensible phone behaviour when still in primary.

*not DD11, DD1!

She doesn't have her own tablet as she can get a bit fixated with it as it is. I don't think all of the screen time is good for her. I might let her YouTube with me and try and get a feel for what she wants to watch. We sometimes play 'balloon pop' together on my phone. Thank you for all of the comments. I feel more secure in my feelings now.

Dd is 10. Only of 2 her friends have phones , because they want to contact their mums during weekends with their dad. One of them likes to stay in contact with dd and another one of their friends so there is a whatsapp group linking her phone with mine and the other friends mums phone. That way they stay in touch but 2 adults are fully monitoring. That way they get a feel for how it works but totally safely.

My 10 yo wants but doesn’t have one, maybe when she’s 11.

She has an iPod, Instagram on totally private and we tried TikTok but agreed together to remove it as the content really isn’t appropriate.

Her friends can still FaceTime and message on iCloud and insta but believe me it’s a LOT and I’m not wholly comfortable with complete unfettered out of school contact because when do they get away from any problems?

It would be a firm no to me to a phone at 8.

My son got a brick phone for his 12th birthday and then a smartphone the following year.

8 is definitely too young.

But I saw a toddler in a pram playing on (I assume) their mum's mobile phone yesterday when I was in our local town centre. Apart from the fact that the toddler was too young, I wondered why the mum was willing to risk the toddler dropping it and smashing the screen!

Can you ask on a class whatsapp? At the start of yr6, my DD went on and on about how everyone had a phone. In reality, 3 out of 30 did! We got one for the last term of yr6 as there were lots of social events and they were sharing photos.

My Step sons little sister had her own phone from when she was a toddler as she needs to watch you tube videos when she is in bed !

Ds has one - just turned 10 & was given for short journeys alone, (although previously had an old iPhone with no sim)

He's very sensible & no social media allowed & not allowed it in his bedroom.

I am mindful of a couple of children in his class that he can WhatsApp as they seem to be 10 going on 18 but I keep a close eye & so far no problems. I think it does depend on the child but would be more worried about DD in a few years as girls behaviour that I've seen of that age is not always as good & could easily veer into bullying imo.

DS is 9 (yr 5) he doesn't have one yet, I don't see the need. He can chat to his mates on Xbox at home. If he needed/wanted to call someone then that could easily be arranged via my phone, no need for him to have his own.

Definitely too young, it’s a shame other parents me have allowed it at this age.
Letting 8 year olds have access to apps like tik Tok and other social media is seriously bad parenting which then has a ripple effect with peers.
I work in the digital industry and know how harmful these things are for bullying, mental health, grooming, exposure to sexual and not age appropriate content.

I had a school mum say to me at pick up today her 11 yr old DD had 450 messages on the group chat in the space of 2hrs yesterday.

She was saying how it's damaging her DDs self esteem and I said FFS just delete the fucking app. I'm incredulous how stupid parents are not to mention the ones who give their DC the latest handsets and then moan on the class WhatsApp when it gets broken or lost.

Round here it's Yr 6, when they are allowed to walk to and from school on their own. DD will get a basic phone then and if she manages to look after it, might get one of our old smartphones when she starts 2ndry.

We don't have a class WhatsApp. Or at least, I'm not on one. Dh has just walked in and he is in complete agreement so will tell her no once she is out of the bath.