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AIBU?

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Original poster

Didn't see this one coming - 8yo dd and mobile phone....

259 replies

Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:45

My lovely little girl has just sat me down and asked me if we can talk about when she will be allowed a mobile phone of her own. Confused She was really polite and respectful, but stated that lots of her friends have phones of their own and use YouTube and Tick Tock and she is starting to feel left out. I praised her for being so grown up and stalled her by saying I'd talk to her dad. However, I just can't get my head around her classmates already having mobile phones. She is 8! Surely that is too young? I know dh will say absolutely no way and I agree with him. However, I do worry she is feeling left behind her peers because dh and I are fairly anti social media for young kids. Are we just old fashioned? I am 99.99% certain she is too young, however, I want to know how out of touch I am with the rest of the world, which is why I'm asking her. Her friends and their parents are lovely and they are happy for their kids to have a phone. What am I missing?
YABU - 8 is old enough for a phone and SM. YANBU - you are a completely correct old fashioned fuddy duddy.

OP posts:
Cheeseboardcriminal · 09/12/2019 17:58

My DC got them for the birthday before starting high school so one had one in Feb when she turned 11 and one in the May.

My DS is 7 and I have downloaded pokemon go and YouTube for him on my old phone but it's nit his, doesn't have a sim and he doesn't have social media.

Sagradafamiliar · 09/12/2019 17:58

No to a phone, yes to an Amazon fire.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:58

Honestly, not dumping on dh. It's how we parent. Kid asks one of us, we say we will discuss then we answer jointly presenting a united front. It is how we have always done it.

OP posts:
Widowodiw · 09/12/2019 17:59

My son is 10 and will get one for Xmas in prep for secondary school
But he’s not allowed social
Media.
Texting, calling, and WhatsApp and that’s all.

My 8 year old wants one but she will follow the same rules as her brother birthday/ Christmas before secondary school.

I think my kids are in minority though. Lots of 8 year olds have them. I just can’t justify the cost. I did look at apple i pod for daughter so she could join in with messaging but tbh the cost of that may aswell just get a phone.

Lucylouxc · 09/12/2019 18:00

8 is far too young. Especially for Tiktok

NeedAnExpert · 09/12/2019 18:00

DD has my old phone when she turned 8, but without a SIM card. When DH thought she needed collecting at 5pm rather than 4pm in the summer hols and she was somewhere with no Wi-fi she had no way of contacting us. So we got her a sim but she only has family numbers in there and the phone is with us most of the time.

Most of the girls in her class have phones and snapchat/WhatsApp/TikTok/YouTube accounts but DD isn’t allowed. Far too young for all that shit.

Booboostwo · 09/12/2019 18:00

TikTok is user generated content and unregulated, so loads of fun stuff, loads of harmless stuff, loads of boring stuff and every so often with no control or warning a really disturbing video uploaded by a nutter anywhere in the world. YouTube has a children's channel but the content is regulated by an algorithm rather than by a person actually checking so there are reports of childrens' videos with disturbing voice overs.

My 8yo DD has a phone but one that only allows us to call and text limited numbers which we have inputted. We don't allow her to text friends because the potential for cyber bullying is very difficult to manage at that age.

TheLongRider · 09/12/2019 18:00

'When we think it's suitable." Is my usual answer to the "when can I? questions. That gives everyone some flexibility, if your circumstances change then you can introduce whatever is being asked about.

DD is 10 and doesn't have a phone. Research what she's asking about, you have internet access so you can lead on what is suitable or not.

lau888 · 09/12/2019 18:00

It's about your child so it's your parenting decision. However, around here, most 8-year-olds do have phones because that's when they start being allowed to walk home from school by themselves. A bit of phone credit so they can call for a lift in the rain and/or a tracking app so you know they're on their way home, etc.

Btw, Tik Tok is a social media app - a bit like Vine or YouTube. It's full of inane videos by regular people and celebrities. It's probably okay to let your child watch with supervision (or even unsupervised if they are uber sensible and only watch channels you've previously okayed) but I would not let any young child create their own social media account to post anything.

HotWaterBottleAndABottleOfWine · 09/12/2019 18:06

It depends on what she wants/needs it for.

DS had a watch that he could use to phone us and we could phone him and GPS track him, when he was 5. He needed it for sports events where he was out of site on cross country runs/cycles etc.. it gave us peace of mind as he was so young. He's 8 now and doesn't have a phone or the watch as he doesn't need them.

Do her friends need their phones to call their parents if they are making their own way to school etc..? Does your DD need a phone for a similar reason?

Does she want it for YouTube? If that's why, then why not get her a Kindle fire/tablet thing? Or let her browse on a desktop computer?

I don't know what tik Tok is?

Basically, if she needs a phone, get one. If she wants a phone to be Iike everyone else - wait til she's older! If she just wants access to YouTube, get her a tablet or encourage IT skills on the desktop

TickledOnion · 09/12/2019 18:06

Does she mean a phone with a Sim or just the ability to play games, watch videos etc? Mine have had my old iPhones since they were about 6. They can’t take them out if the house. They don’t have a sim so use WiFi. They can have free games with a 4+ rating and have access to YouTube on my account which has restricted settings. They can message their grandparents through iMessage but no one else. It’s just a small tablet.

SafetyLightsAreForDudes · 09/12/2019 18:06

Is there room for a compromise option? Could she have (or have access to) a tablet so she can watch YouTube videos under supervision - she's obviously feeling that she's missing out on things her friends have seen. That way she will have the points of reference with her friends, but it's not as full on as constant access via a phone.

My DD is in Y6 and does a lot of socialising via her phone - quite often it's how they organise to play out or for sleepovers, and she plays online games with her school friends. It caught me by surprise because my older two (both boys) don't do this even now, but DD is much more sociable and I think she would miss out on an awful lot without her phone.

Xmasbaby11 · 09/12/2019 18:07

Dd is nearly 8. She's known for a while she will get a mobile phone in secondary school. Any requests wouldn't be discussed, it's such a long way off and not subject to negotiation.

Yetanotherwinter · 09/12/2019 18:09

8 is way too young to have a mobile. Perverts also purport to be kids and befriend children. Please don’t get your child a phone at that age. It’s not hard to deal with. You’re the parent. All you need to say is you’re far too young, we’ll revisit it when you’re at high school.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 18:10

I don't really know to be honest. She has a chromebook for homework and access to a family tablet but she never uses it. Sometimes she plays games on dh or my phone but only occasionally. I think she wants to message her friends and watch YouTube. I'd rather she didn't.

OP posts:
ActualHornist · 09/12/2019 18:12

I think at 8 the only sensible answer is that she doesn’t need her own phone but you’ll let her use both on your phone. You can monitor usage more easily this way.

This has worked for my nearly 11 year old twins and their younger brother who is 8.

irishglaze · 09/12/2019 18:13

I got mine when I started secondary school for safety purposes as I had to walk there and back. It seems to be the standard unless the children are spoilt then they’ve probably already been through 2 models of iPhone by age 10!😂 I don’t see the need for it really and it just creates risks for the child. You can’t always monitor everything they do, it can be quite sneaky these days. There are probably even predators on that TikTok

staydazzling · 09/12/2019 18:13

my ds got a phone when he was 10 due to walking home on his own,

Catapillarsruletheworld · 09/12/2019 18:14

Dd2 has a phone with no sim in to play games on when she was about 8. She got a SIM card at 10 in y6 and now in y7 has an iPhone on a contract.

Dd1 had her first phone in y6.

I think 8 is too young really, but all and I do mean all of her friends had them at about the same age and we bowed to peer pressure. It’s never caused any problems so far however, so I don’t regret her having one.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 18:15

I've researched the tiktok thing. No way to that.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 09/12/2019 18:16

My DD had one from year 5, including social media. She knew I had access to it at all times and I was always checking her messages etc. She had a falling out on SM with a girl at school but came straight to me with it and we dealt with it together. She's 13 now and is VERY open with me about her social media. Giving it to them at 13 just makes it more exciting at a time where they don't want parents knowing everything rather than something "normal" from a younger age. She knows not to add anyone she doesn't know, if someone sends her a message on Instagram that she doesn't know she just rejects it.

I know that won't work for everyone but it's worked for us 🤷 I guess all children are different

kenandbarbie · 09/12/2019 18:16

My eight year olds have asked. I said no not till they're twelve at the earliest. They are at a small primary school and no one has one. I have been influenced by the idea that as soon as you give a child a phone you're allowing them to watch porn.

bridgetreilly · 09/12/2019 18:19

She won't be the only one without a phone at that age. If you have a tablet, I would let her have some access to Youtube on that.

Sallycinnamum · 09/12/2019 18:20

My 10 yr old DS doesn't have a phone but is in the minority.

However judging by what I hear from other parents I'm glad I didn't cave in despite his pleading.

The bullying via WhatsApp has got so bad the head called a meeting for all year 6 parents but it doesn't seem to have changed the situation. Btw, this is going on at an outstanding primary school if that's relevant.

My day job involves working with social media. None of my colleagues have allowed their pre secondary school children mobile phones.

DS will have one next year when he walks home from school but there will be no social media until he's 13.

Lulualla · 09/12/2019 18:22

My oldest got one at 7 but that was because their dad had come back after 5 years of not being interested. Once we built up the the stage of him taking them out on his own, I got my oldest a phone because I just didn't trust their dad and wanted to be able to contact my kids and wanted them to be able to contact me just incase.
He only knows how to make a call or text and is allowed to use WhatsApp to talk to their dad during the week etc.

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