Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

473 replies

malificent7 · 09/12/2019 16:13

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

OP posts:
Frenchw1fe · 09/12/2019 17:40

@breakfastpizza
How does one meet billionaires? Asking for a friend. 😅

YouJustDoYou · 09/12/2019 17:40

A couple of my friends don't work because their husbands jobs pay well enough not to need the money. However, the other reason they don't work is that their husband's jobs are so demanding and inflexible that they couldn't really continue in the jobs they had pre-children

This. I used to work fucking crazy hours, but never saw dh. It was a case of compromise. If I went back to work, I wouldn't see much of him or the children at all. I can stay at home. I am never bored. I never "do lunch" with friends because they are all at work. I litter pick. I do community work. It's fine. I don't need to be paid, but I make sure I give back, and am.busy.

Marnie76 · 09/12/2019 17:43

Why should one person work while their partner doesn’t. I genuinely don’t get it.

fishonabicycle · 09/12/2019 17:45

It makes a massive difference if you are choosing to work, rather than having to, in my opinion. I have always worked at something I have become increasingly dissatisfied with because it makes enough money.

Spacebowlisback · 09/12/2019 17:46

For us, it’s because both of us would rather I was with the children than another childcare provision.

CheekyFucker · 09/12/2019 17:46

@Parttimers fuck me! That is awesome money for 12.5 hours. Are you a hooker?

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 09/12/2019 17:47

I felt that way at one time. My DSis married a very high earner and has never worked a day in her life. I've always had to work full time and I envied her her lifestyle and her leisure time (and there was leisure time once her DC started school).

But then I realized that although her DH was a wonderful man and gave her every respect and never questioned her spending money he also moved her hither and yon across the Country in order to further his career and she simply had to accept it. And that if he had decided to leave her or if he had 'turned mean', she would have been up the creek. She had a wonderful life, but it was still built on somewhat 'shaky ground'. I, on the other hand, had a well-paying job and would have been free to tell DH to get to fuck if he had cheated or 'turned mean'. And when he accepted a job 200 miles away it required a mutual decision as I had the ability to say 'No, thank you. The children and I are staying here'. My life was built on the solid rock of my being financially independent.

IMHO, we each make the decision as far as SAH/WOH when we are still in school. A cousin was a SAHM whose not-DH decided to be a philanderer. When she found out she kicked him out. She could do it easily because she had gotten her degree as a Dental Hygienist and knew she had good earning potential. Get an education or a skill.

dun1urkin · 09/12/2019 17:47

I’d love to not have to do paid work. But only if I was independently wealthy.
I’d be at my local Cats Protection offering my services like a shot. And go to daytime classes at the gym. Maybe get a horse.... ahhhh dreams

Parttimers · 09/12/2019 17:47

@CheekyFucker no I’m a teacher...🤣🤣🙈 sorry boring i know!!

YouJustDoYou · 09/12/2019 17:48

Why should one person work while their partner doesn’t. I genuinely don’t get it

Matching life goals and desires. You don't seem to yet understand that though so probably best you don't comment on threads you have zero life experience of.

SunsetBoulevard3 · 09/12/2019 17:50

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I was a SAHM mother for quite a while then worked in jobs that weren’t particularly rewarding either financially or in any other way. I chose jobs that fitted in with school hours . However my well-being went up massively. Despite the fact that that I was tired and struggled to do all the household jobs at the weekend I was SO much happier.
I gave up again when going through a really difficult time and the job I was doing became intolerable for various reasons.
I have done lots of courses since and tried to fill my time but have struggled much of the time with feelings of isolation.
Most other women work so can’t meet up for lunch . Without your own income or an identity outside the home it can be a very challenging situation.

Marnie76 · 09/12/2019 17:51

You don’t get to decide what I comment on and you have no idea about my life. HTH

Thestaffarealwayswrong · 09/12/2019 17:51

I've never not worked or been studying, except 5 months maternity leave. Those 5 months were bloody hard, single mum and a poorly baby, so I can't say I enjoyed them or particularly look back with fond memories! I've had a couple of bouts of illness that were a month and then two months long, but I was ill, then recovering from surgery/illness then trying to get strong enough to go back to work asap so lots of walking and exercise and physio to get to that point. Studying was Mon to Fri mainly office hours and is my only experience of what a non shift work job might be like.
So while I have the pipe dream many do about not having to go to work, I actually have never experienced it so I honestly don't know if I'd like it or not. My annual leave is filled with catching up on decorating, gardening, going to visit people I never see because of work and maybe the occasional trip somewhere I want to go (4 nights is the longest I've gone anywhere in years) I think it might be nice to be able to do those things at my leisure and not have to spend a week decorating at 100 miles an hour trying to get it done before I go back, or be able to visit people when I want to rather than it be a military operation to arrange, but then maybe I'd just never do it because I don't have a time constraint.
As it is I need to work because I need income, I'd like the choice of having enough income independently (lottery, rich aunty I don't know about etc) that I don't have to work, but I'm not in that position and can't see I ever will be.

I don't think I'd be happy at all to have the choice to work removed from me, if I were to be too ill or injured to work, or if I lost my job, there's very little round here in the way of decent employment so to lose my job would be really hard. Plus I'd be reliant on benefits as I have next to nothing in savings (though illness/injury and disablement covered to a certain degree by an insurance policy).

I'd never be a sahm, one because I'm not having any more and mines almost grown so there's no one to 'mum' and two, I don't have enough trust in anyone else to give them power over me like being financially reliant on them. I'm absolutely not bashing anyone who is in that situation, but I've been at the other end where someone controlled my money (my earnings!) And dictated what I could spend etc and I vowed I'd never do that again. I haven't been able to afford another child totally on my own, so I haven't had one. The father of my DD walked away and never contributed, and has been government and socially sanctioned to do so - I'm not willing to risk that or financial abuse ever again and if that means being single for the rest of my life, then so be it. My personal choice though.

I guess I'd like the option to not have to work, but because I was financially independent, I think I'd probably try it and see how I felt then, but as things are right now I work for the money. I do enjoy my job to a certain degree except December, I hate December but I think I could probably feel fulfilled with other activities in my life.

NorthEndGal · 09/12/2019 17:51

I'm very appreciative of the fact I dont have to go to work. I enjoy my time to myself, get to pursue my art (and crafts!) and still be able to run the house as I like.

gingersausage · 09/12/2019 17:51

I’ve never understood that either @Marnie76, especially the assumption by the woman that she’s the one who will stay at home.

I always thought I’d quite like not working but after becoming disabled and unable to work, I’d give anything to have my former life back.

Crabonastick · 09/12/2019 17:52

@NaomiFromMilkShake neutrophils? It’s been a while for me but I remember doing something to boost my immune system.

Bet you can’t wait to get back to work. I went back 2 weeks after I finished chemo and 5 months after debilitating surgery as I just couldn’t face being at home any longer.

I hope you return to your normal soon

Bluesheep8 · 09/12/2019 17:52

Keepmewarm

I feel lucky to be able to work!
I’m thankful that I have a job.

Exactly the same here

ReanimatedSGB · 09/12/2019 17:56

Depends how you define 'work'. A lot of people's jobs are pointless bullshit - and underpaid as well. It's not at all surprising that many people would rather do something else with their time. That isn't necessarily childcare (being a SAHP isn't always wonderful, either. The majority of people would use quality childcare at least some of the time if they could afford to.)
But one of the things that society in general is hopefully progressing towards is Universal Basic Income. If people didn't have to sell their time in order to feed and house themselves and their families, we would all be better off. Those jobs which are actually necessary would have to be better paid than they are now, and the layers of unnecessary jobs could actually disappear.

LucyLocketss · 09/12/2019 17:57

I don't have to work so I don't. I'm independently wealthy of my husband. So I feel lucky on the one hand that I have this option. And not so lucky for the reason why I'm wealthy.

I don't sit here twiddling my thumbs though

breakfastpizza · 09/12/2019 17:58

@Frenchw1fe I think you have to get in there quick! They met in their early twenties at a house party.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 09/12/2019 17:58

Having nothing to do is bloody boring, I need a sense of purpose. If i was rich enough not to have to work I'd do some sort of 'hobby job' such as jewellery maker, to keep myself occupied. I like to feel busy and engaged, there is a balance between not working and working too much though and it's hard to get that sweet spot.

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2019 17:58

Why should one person work while their partner doesn’t. I genuinely don’t get it.

Because sometimes when a couple decide to have children, they're both genuinely happy for one to stay at home. Whoever goes out to work, never has to worry about childcare/kids being ill/school holidays etc.

Horses for courses. It works well for loads of families.

ClientListQueen · 09/12/2019 17:59

@NaomiFromMilkShake GCSF? I am on it

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 09/12/2019 17:59

I have been the working one whilst my partner (male) was the stay at home one. I wouldn't swap!

Bluewavescrashing · 09/12/2019 17:59

@Parttimers do you actually work only 12.5 hours a week though?

As a part time primary teacher on a 0.44 contract I worked 30 hours a week (job share). On a 0.4 ppa cover contract I worked 20 hours a week.