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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

473 replies

malificent7 · 09/12/2019 16:13

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

OP posts:
Bansku19 · 09/12/2019 18:04

I am not working because of mental health reasons. It is nice to have time for myself when I am better and it is also nice that I can rest when I am unwell. I would like to work but doctors don't seem to get my medication right.

NemophilistRebel · 09/12/2019 18:06

YANBU - everyone can feel how they like and o think anyone who has the choice is lucky

My sister and SIL don’t work but are SAHP and that seems harder work to me than working part time.

I’m thankful I have a decent employer and flexible part time work.

I also would hate for the burden of earning money to be solely down to DH as I don’t think that’s fair

NemophilistRebel · 09/12/2019 18:11

If the earnings of a couple mean there is a choice whether one needs to work or not, the best solution would be for both partners to work part time.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 09/12/2019 18:15

I also think it's quite selfish to let all financial obligations fall to your partner. I would never, ever do this.

If the other person in the relationship is happy with it, then I don’t see the problem. I didn’t work til my kids were 14 and 9 and now only work very part time from home. My OH was happy for me to not work again if that’s I wanted. I only went back to work because a great opportunity came to me. By me not working or only part time at home now, life is as stress free as possible which my OH appreciated and we both like that I’m around a lot for the kids. It works for us. If I start to not like my job, I won’t hesitate to give it up.

HotWaterBottleAndABottleOfWine · 09/12/2019 18:16

I dream of the day I can just choose to dabble in this and that, and have coffees out ... (then I wake up Crown Sad)

XXMansplainShieldActive · 09/12/2019 18:17

Be careful what you wish for. I had to give up work to be a full time carer for my daughter. I don’t feel lucky at all and not a day goes by when i don’t wish I had a job.

@legodisasterzone you do have a job, carers are considered "employed" by the government! It's just the worst paid job in the world is all. You don't get to phone in sick or accrue leave. Completely illegal hourly rate and staffed mostly by women, an army of carers are forced to fill the gap purposely left by an increasingly disablist society. £66.15 per week for a minimum of 35 hrs (but let's face it for many carers that means the full 168 hrs). All taxable income. Oh and if you do ever manage to stretch your sleep deprivation to a bit of extra paid 'moonlighting' you have your hands tied so you can't go earning enough to ease the burden - £123 per week maximum!

MonChatEstMagnifique · 09/12/2019 18:17

If the earnings of a couple mean there is a choice whether one needs to work or not, the best solution would be for both partners to work part time.

My OH wouldn’t have progressed in his career as much if he worked part time so this wouldn’t have worked for us.

Panicmode1 · 09/12/2019 18:18

I don't know why I am justifying myself to you @stoople, but my DH works 80 hours a week for a signficant amount of money, which allows me to be a SAHM and indulge myself, allow me to do all of my volunteering and do do and my hobbies. I think the least I can do is feed him when he does get in and look after our children. I don't resent the 'work' and we are a brilliant team. He does a huge amount of the work at the weekend, including washing, ironing, cooking etc.

charm8ed · 09/12/2019 18:21

I work just a few hours a week in a job I love doing, I don’t have to work for financial reasons. I’ve accidentally ended up with a really high earning DH. I had no idea this would happen when we got together 25 years ago and he was deep in debt and unemployed. I paid for our first house deposit and our wedding.
I enjoy having lots of time to myself, I have hobbies, an amazing spa membership and an extremely fortunate to have some really good friends whom I’m able to see nearly every week.
Although I only work a few hours a week it’s very good for me although I never really think about the financial aspect of work, I work because it’s good for me mentally.

RefuseTheLies · 09/12/2019 18:23

Both my parents died young. I inherited money that I invested. I now don’t need to work. I don’t feel very lucky. I miss my mum an awful lot.

Parttimers · 09/12/2019 18:23

@Bluewavescrashing mostly yes.
9.00-2.40 (40 mins breaks not paid...and yes I take them) I probably leave at 3.15 latest but most days its 3. Unless there’s a meeting then it’s 4ish but that’s not often at all (3 times this year so far) I don’t have a class. I work with small groups of children who have English as an additional language.

DesMartinsPetCat · 09/12/2019 18:26

I don’t have to work, but would hate to make myself purposely unemployed/unemployable.

thatguiltyfeeling · 09/12/2019 18:26

My partner earns roughly £1160 a month. This is topped up by UC and child benefits to roughly £1400-1500 a month.
Our bills are £1100 a month.
We spend £90-100 a month on food if just buying basics or £150 if getting nicer bits in.
We use reusable nappies and wipes so save money there.
Formula is £8 each week.
I am about to become a sahm mum after trying work for a month and hating the job for various reasons.
I won't be able to afford lunches in fancy places but myself and a friend tend to go to a coffee shop or Morrison's cafe and have lunch after a free playgroup one day a week.
He isn't a high earner and we wouldn't cope without the top up but we're very lucky that we can afford our lifestyle.

ActualHornist · 09/12/2019 18:27

Sure.

I don’t want to be a SAHM I want to be independently wealthy so I can book last minute weekends away and buy the latest iPhone when the fancy takes me Grin. Also so I can hire people to do everything I don’t want to do (basically, all housework).

Butterfly02 · 09/12/2019 18:27

The grass is always greener.
I loved my job but sometimes wished I wasn't split between a job and spending more time with my dc.
I lost my job due to illness.
I was retired in my late 30s on health grounds I didn't choose to stop work. I so miss it. My health means I can't always spend quality time with my dc and I'd rather have my health any day. I have to fight for disability benefits, I couldn't get appropriate housing from the council because I had equity in the house but struggled to get a mortgage due to my pension being alot less than my previous income.
The grass is not always greener.

leghairdontcare · 09/12/2019 18:27

@NemophilistRebel I really agree with your point that the best setup would be for both partners to work part time. Unfortunately I think we're quite far away from that attitude in society. Part time working isn't supported by a lot of employers and often means a detriment to a person's career. I'm a big supporter of the 32 hour working week that labour have proposed though.

readingismycardio · 09/12/2019 18:31

YABU. I am grateful I am healthy & able bodied. I can work & make a living. DP makes a shitload of money and I'd never stay home. I'm a lawyer and this brings me a lot of satisfaction. I do take quite a few pro bono cases yearly and those are the best!

Yeah probably it'd be nice for a couple of months to shop, go to a spa, have proper lunches, but then I'd need to work my brain, I love my job & the people I meet.

NemophilistRebel · 09/12/2019 18:32

@RefuseTheLies Flowers
It’s one thing being wealthy and another thing losing people you love to become wealthy and no one would hopefully be wishing for that or jealous of your position

puds11 · 09/12/2019 18:32

I love working. My job is my dream job. Doesn’t pay well but I don’t care. I’m currently on mat leave and am itching to get back. We could afford for me to be a SAHM but I know I wouldn’t enjoy it and we would rather have the extra cash. Also the thought of being financially dependant on someone makes me want to barf.

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 09/12/2019 18:32

Yes and no. I didn’t work for years and I was sure it was what I wanted. Being at home etc. I now work 5 days term time only, and although it is busy and sometimes stressful I love it and wouldn’t go back to not working. I have many friends who don’t work and have an amazing lifestyle, sadly we were never in that position where going to the gym and having lots of lunches etc was an option. I love my job. I feel much happier working. I’m obviously lucky to have all the holidays off with my children though, and that makes a huge difference.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/12/2019 18:35

Unless independently wealthy, the choice of not working usually means either a spouse is paying or other tax payers.

I’d not let DH burden me with being the sole earner as he didn’t want to work and benefits should be an absolute last resort not a lifestyle choice imo. I’d not ever want to raise children on them personally.

Solitaryradiator · 09/12/2019 18:37

I work 4 days a week in a well paid very interesting job. I’d hate not to work but I think I’d go down to 3 days if possible.

I’m very pleased I didn’t give up my career when we had children (even though my husband was a high earner) as he up and left me after 20 years earlier this year. Other women I’ve met in the same boat gave up their jobs and now they’re struggling by on universal credit whilst their ex’s continue their well off lives. They don’t even have a state pension.

I would hate to have found myself in this position at 40 /50 / 60. It’s not something I particularly thought of previously as we were happy and had been together a long time, but now I implore every one think of their own future financial security as nothing is certain.

JustDanceAddict · 09/12/2019 18:38

Being at home is boring AF. Unless you’re looking after pre-school
Kids. I’ve had periods of not working - or v part time from home - and it’s not great - I need the interaction with others and mental stimulation of work.
I hope I’m working for the next 15 years or so then we can afford to retire.

Marshmallow91 · 09/12/2019 18:41

I'd love to work 12 hour shifts.

Unfortunately I'm permanently disabled and unable to ever work again. I lost my job in banking and I'm now stuck on benifits. Wouldn't you rather just work?

YouJustDoYou · 09/12/2019 18:42

Being at home is boring AF

Only boring people get bored.