To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

[malificent7]

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

[sauvignonblancplz]

I think working full time with a family is such a juggle , sometimes the juggle works brilliantly sometimes it all comes at once and everything collided and you can feel like you’re drowning. Women are still trying to keep all balls in the air so no I don’t YABU. To have one parent at one is very useful , it certainly takes the pressure off and is a luxury .

[Ibizafun]

I don’t work and kids at uni. Too much time to worry and sweat the small stuff. If I could find a part time job I really loved till dh retires I know I would be so much happier and fulfilled.

[myohmywhatawonderfulday]

I voted YANBU but I also think that there are benefits to working - such as supportive colleagues. For me personally I get to do some amazing creative and meaningful things that if I wasn't doing the job I do - just wouldn't be done. This means a lot of people benefit and not just me.

I do know the feeling of 'oh no' and also feeling stressed by upcoming observations and judgements but they are a very small part of what is for me, a very enriching experience.

If I didn't have to work at all..I don't know...I would still find an outlet for creativity and meaningful endevours!

[HarrietTheFly]

When I was on maternity leave every day merged into the next

That's how it has felt to me over the last couple of years. And it's so easy to get lost once you're in that sort of place. I've been trying to add some more structure and routine into my day to help dig my way out of this hole, and this thread has further encouraged me!

[Spamantha]

Anyone who has the option to do what they prefer is lucky, whether they choose to work or not.

Even if you chose to be in work, knowing that you could quit your current job and look for a new one, that you want to do, without being under immense time and financial pressure is surely a huge plus?

[Patchworkquilt24]

@Parttimers very jealous you get paid that for 12.5 hours a week!!! What do you do?!

[Panicmode1]

I've been a SAHM (after having had a highly paid, professional career) for some considerable time now - I use my brain every single day. Shame on those rolling out that old chestnut.

It's not all about housework and craft - I do not very much of one, and none of the other, but have very little time in my day to get bored. I'm currently volunteering for 4 different charities, work for 5 hours on a Friday, have a lovely time seeing friends, walking my dog, riding, doing a language course, and somehow manage to keep 4 children and my DH fed and watered.

I know I am very lucky to be in this position - it's not something I take for granted.....

[Cornishclio]

If you give up your job because your husband earns a lot you are giving up your financial independence, sacrificing pensions and leave yourself vulnerable if your DH ever decides he is fed up of working himself while his DW lies in bed especially once the kids are grown up. Staying out of the workplace makes it much harder to go back in if you ever need to. Quite apart from the mental challenge and social aspect. I would have hated to be at home either with small children or once they were older. However now it is nice as DH and I are both early retired simply because we could afford to save/invest as we had two incomes and I feel on an equal footing. I don't think I would see it that way if I had free loaded off him after our daughters early years. I have told my daughters never rely totally on a man to keep you and luckily they seem to be as independently minded as I was.

Different of course if you have no choice due to caring responsibilities.

[dontalltalkatonce]

In your opinion. Some of us are capable of making the right decisions for us regardless.

Actually, legally, not just opinion. Making yourself financially dependent on an unmarried partner/non civil partner makes you very vulnerable but hey, there's always Universal Credit

[StealthPolarBear]

Can you be a bit independent?

[Stoople]

If I won the lottery then sure, if it was relying on DH's wage even if he was a high earner then not so much. Not because I don't believe that wages shouldn't be shared, but because for me that is quite a risk depending on someone else. With a lot of money and absolutely no reason to work I'd love it, to be at home because you have to for whatever reason, and perhaps be scrimping the pennies then no, I would rather be at work because that's definitely not all its cracked up to be; it's bloody hard.

[Stoople]

keep 4 children and my DH fed and watered.

As a grown man is he not capable? Or does he not value the work you do in the household, and think because you're at home and he's going to work he should have his meals cooked for him all the time?

[NaomiFromMilkShake]

I am under going chemo to mop up a 3% chance of it recurring, a lot to go through for just in case, however the point is that the weekend was pretty grim. Stomach injection time for those in the know. It was so lovely to go into work, my two female colleagues just let me blub and made me a coffee, one went out and got me chocolate poor DH ran out of things to say over the weekend.

DS was at college, today, DH was at work and I would have been rattling around this house on my own if I didn't work.

Still only two more to go.

[isabellerossignol]

I've been a sahm. I loved it. Now I'm back at work and I love that even more.

I was very lucky to be able to have that choice.

[SansaStarky]

i couldnt think of anything worse than being a sahm

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

Actually it's crap.

You feel like a servant
You haven't quite got the cash for loads of spendy fun
And nobody wants to give you a job after a couple of years
All your friends work
Everybody's judging you
Christmas work nights seem to be an impossible dream.

PS if anybody is in the North West and wants to offer me a job, please get in touch. Background = marketing.

[MonChatEstMagnifique]

I suppose I don’t ‘have’ to work. I didn’t work until a couple of years ago after having given up work when our first child was born 16 years ago. It meant I was a SAHM until our children were 14 and 9. I’ve gone back part time and mainly work from home. I feel ‘lucky’ to have such a flexible job which I enjoy and allows me to still be around for the kids. When I was a SAHM, my OH never questioned what I spent and classed his wage as ‘our money’. If I felt it was ‘his money’ then I would have worked, although I wouldn’t stay with someone with that attitude anyway. I’m very sensible with money though.

OH has always liked his job but I think he’d give up if we had a big lottery win.

[Episcomama]

I feel lucky to be able to work! I’m thankful that I have a job. Me too. I was laid off not long after my child was born and had a period of unemployment. I was absolutely miserable and thank my lucky stars every day that I found another (terrific) job.

[blaymgaym]

@malificent7 I'd say it's lucky to have the choice not to work, but people who don't work at all are rare - in my experience most are either full time carers or filling their time with voluntary work or doing something productive or creative. I work part time, 0.5FTE, and it's not ideal either because it's very career-limiting. That said, my DH would love to have the same opportunity. I do think that if "success" was measured by quality of life, rather than just by size of salary, the gender divide would be a lot narrower.

[Stoople]

@FergusSingsTheBlues have you signed up to any agencies? At worst it's something recent on your CV, at best a lot of companies seem to keep temps on.

[Keepthebloodynoisedown]

I wish I could work. I lost my job due to illness and it is unlikely that I’ll ever be able to go back to work. I miss feeling worthwhile and having interaction with other people.

[Heismyopendoor]

I think you need a new job :)

I don’t work but am at home with our kids, they don’t go to school as are home educated, I’m also a carer for one of my DC and do get carers allowance.

I did enjoy work but honestly love being with my kids. Am very grateful for the life we live, even if it is hard work, especially with a disabled child and no respite.

[TheOrigRightsofwomen]

I love my job. I would love to work 4 days a week.

I loved my 9 months of maternity leave, but it didn't feel like how I imagine being a SAHM feels, because I knew I'd be going back to work so I tried not to get hung up about the difficult days and did try and make the most of the time. I imagine if you are a SAHM for some years you just get on with it. Does that make sense?

I think if I didn't work then I would involve myself more with the school, probably with sports clubs, and I would definitely go back to volunteering at the food bank/resource centre, which time doesn't allow me to do atm.

I would do lots more sport.

[thatmustbenigelwiththebrie]

I used to think this and spend a fuck ton of money trying to win the lottery so I could quit work. Then I found a part time job. And I love it! Yes money is very tight but the trade off is so worth it. I feel I have a great balance between working and leisure time and don't feel nearly as tired and angry as when I was full time.

[ChipsyChopsy]

I don't think 'not having to work' and being a SAHM are interchangeable.

One implies being free of responsibility to others, the other is the opposite.