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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to wish that the crying baby would stop coming to baby swimming classes...

197 replies

jamtomorrow1 · 09/12/2019 09:45

My three month old son has always been very jolly in his baby swimming classes and smiles and gurgles his way through them. The sessions are a highlight of the week for me and my husband (how our lives have changed). A new baby has joined the class recently and unfortunately he cries the whole way through every session. I can see how upset and disappointed his parents are about this, and I can see why they want to keep trying... but once Crying Baby starts crying, my son and several of the other babies start crying too in sympathy, and the result is that a previously fun activity is just miserable for all involved. I have the utmost sympathy for mother of Crying Baby but I am concerned that my son is no longer enjoying swimming, and also frankly I am no longer enjoying swimming either! Is there anything I can do other than find another class?!

OP posts:

Insideimsprinting · 09/12/2019 11:20

My first was the crying grisly baby. I felt so lonely and isolated, worn out and exhausted. I just wanted routine, normality and the opportunity to make friends and get reassurance from those possibly going through the same.
I'm pleased I didn't go to your swimming class you sound like a precious snowflake not to mention a bit of a cow.

Trewser · 09/12/2019 11:22

And so the competitiveness begins...your baby is BETTER than the crying baby.

I can only hope Cry Baby beats the pants off your child in a swimming race in about 7 years time.

Ilovethekitties · 09/12/2019 11:22

I personally found the capitalisation of 'Crying Baby' very funny.

friedbeansandcheese · 09/12/2019 11:23

Well, swimming is not a life skill your ds needs at 3 months old so why not take him home and play with him in the bath instead??
One day your baby will be the crier. Think about how you'd like other people to react...

(If I was the other mum I wouldn't take my dc if they hated swimming, What's the point? I'd take him when he was much older instead.)

MinervaSaidThat · 09/12/2019 11:24

Cry Baby!

siacolouredthesmallone · 09/12/2019 11:25

@M3lon

I'm so sorry you were made to feel so utterly shit back then by folk like some of the ones not a million miles from this thread.

I'd much rather have hung out with you and your tearful little one back then than some of the likes of those so clearly lacking in empathy and compassion. We'd have gone for coffee and bitched about what utter twats they were. And then, down the line, my formerly-weepy-but-now-lovely-9-year-old would be reaping the benefit of your now-happy-8-year-old's friendship, whereas the kids of the uncompassionate idiots would likely have a whole set of learned social problems that come from being parented as they were by selfish asshats.

Sending your love and strength for your ongoing mental health

happycamper11 · 09/12/2019 11:27

Obviously there is nothing you can do 😆 but I do question why people persist with babies/children like this. There's a little girl who get brought for a private lesson at the time mine are just getting put the pool after theirs. She can't be more than age 2 and she starts to cry the second they enter the changing rooms. By the time the mum hands her over in a jolly fashion to the instructor she's sobbing hysterically begging to go home. My heart breaks for her a little more each week - fair play to mum she must be tougher than I. I'm not sure if she calms down towards the end but I can still hear her crying when we leave. Surely continuing just makes them dislike it more.

Skyejuly · 09/12/2019 11:27

I have had a 'crier' too. I still took them to groups etc. I don't care what other babies do in the pool.

Lol at Jolly baby.

JaniceBattersby · 09/12/2019 11:33

My baby cried through swimming classes. He also cried through baby massage, through sensory play and through every playgroup I went to. He also cried every evening from 4pm to 10pm and for lots of the day whenever I attempted to do anything other than hold him or let him sleep on me. He was literally a crybaby. I ended up with very severe depression and scared to go to these classes because of the judgemental bastards I encountered every day. I continued to go though, so I wasn’t forced to stay at home for the first six months, crying with my baby.

He grew out of it. He’s now nine and a model child.

Another lad in his year struggles with going into school every day. He runs off and argues with the teacher and screams. Eventually he settles down. The other kids are very understanding though. He’ll also likely grow out of it.

This could be your child OP. I hope it isn’t.

ThinkIamflyingundertheradar · 09/12/2019 11:34

New born babies are self obsessed and have no empathy so I doubt that hearing another child cry will set them off. They do pick up on the emotions of their primary care giver so I think it’s much more likely to be your irritation and bad mood that’s upsetting your child rather than another baby crying.

Cacklingmags · 09/12/2019 11:36

happycamper11
We persist with children like this because we love them and they are ours and we can't just put them in the bin.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/12/2019 11:36

Lordy - why would anyone bring a crying baby to class if the baby clearly didn't enjoy it and upset everyone else in the process?

I suggest everyone chip in to buy the poor instructor gin for Xmess.

crispysausagerolls · 09/12/2019 11:37

I actually think YANBU. We had a toddler come to DS’ swimming class who HATED it and screamed the whole time. Firstly it’s unpleasant to hear, secondly it feels quite cruel - some babies just don’t enjoy water, and forcing the issue just makes it worse, surely. The mother decided to try again in a few months which was sensible

andpancakesforbreakfast · 09/12/2019 11:41

WHY should it be up to the OP to give up on an activity which her family was enjoying

why should she be up to the OP to "offer support" when she already has her hands full with her own baby!

People are not "judgmental" they are factually pointing out that the baby is clearly miserable and the parents spoiling it for everybody else. Even if you have a "cry baby", surely you don't need to go to baby swimming, and whatever expensive baby classes there are. There are better ways to entertain and take your child out. Not spoiling it for the rest of the parents, who are busy with their own, and struggling just as much as you are...

MN and the ridiculous "offer support" - from posters who are stuck in front of their computer and hardly "offering support" to those who need it around them

salsmum · 09/12/2019 11:41

My now adult Dd has cerebral palsy and was born 3 months prem, she screamed through most of her first 2 years! To most folks she just looked like 'any other baby' having a cry. As you can imagine if we'd have locked ourselves away my Dd would have missed out on so much of her early development. We experienced everything with her, days out, horse riding , messy play etc... oh and swimming! It was hard enough raising a child with SN without the world and their uncle judging us because she cried for that 5 minutes,1hour of their day. How about you try and reach out to that poor DM a smile and a few genuine sympathetic words might just make her day instead of judging and wishing the poor woman would take her baby elsewhere???

happycamper11 · 09/12/2019 11:44

@Cacklingmags I realise I worded that wrong 😆. I do know as I had one of these babies myself, at age 6 she's still pretty volatile. I mean with a non necessary activity, particularly swimming which there good reason not to like. Personally I hate swimming (in the uk) it's cold and unpleasant and I really don't blame a 3 month old baby for being upset therefore I'd only keep taking them if they actually enjoyed it.

AG29 · 09/12/2019 11:48

Babies cry, get over it.

Not the same but similar. Years ago when DS was tiny I’d meet up with a friend and her DS (similar ages) and go swimming. DS has always loved water but all her son did was cry as the little chap wasn’t used to the water. Did I stop going swimming with her? No of course I didn’t.

Baguetteaboutit · 09/12/2019 11:49

WHY should it be up to the OP to give up on an activity which her family was enjoying

She could just, y'know, toughen the fuck up.

Stoople · 09/12/2019 11:53

Meh you would be unreasonable to expect anything, they have just as much right to go swimming as you do, and it must be super stressful for the mum. However, I was in a similar situation and we stopped going because it was riling the others up so much it was horrendous. I wouldnt have expected other mum to stop going though.

Trewser · 09/12/2019 11:55

WHY should it be up to the OP to give up on an activity which her family was enjoying

Because the OP clearly struggles with the reality of everyday life, mainly that there are all different kinds of babies and parents.

GlamGiraffe · 09/12/2019 11:56

Babies pick up on their parents vibes.

Other baby cries, you get tense and annoyed, your baby picks it up and is upset by your unusual demeanor so cries. Send an unarmed person who they are very familiar with in the pool instead. Baby wont cry.

Your annoyance/stress us probably making baby cry and not the crying baby as such.

Alternatively just take your baby to a general family swim session with you, that is ultimately what you will end up doing with them. As long as you are keeping them safe it's only playing in the water, no real swimming is involvedm

spanglydangly · 09/12/2019 11:56

Because the OP clearly struggles with the reality of everyday life, mainly that there are all different kinds of babies and parents.

^^this

Jeremybearimybaby · 09/12/2019 12:00

I actually would want to say something to the mum - "why do you keep bringing your baby to this when he hates it so much?"

Jesus Christ, Mums supporting Mums eh? I can guarantee you, if someone had said that to me when my DC were younger, they'd have been told, ever so politely, to mind their own business. Or I would have with DC2, with DC1 I'd have cried, isolated myself, with my crippling PND, and probably not gone out for a week. You see, you don't know what people are dealing with behind closed doors, and kindness is always the way forward.

So much passive aggression on this thread - give them looks, and make pointed comments. How about empathising with Mum and making a supportive comment, or asking if she'd like you to hold baby while she gets changed, or inviting Mum for a coffee and a chat after swimming.

Babies cry, if you go to a place where babies are meant to be (and no, I'm not talking about restaurants where parents can take them out, I mean baby specific classes) there will be crying. Let's not isolate Mums any more than we already do. I'm so glad people didn't stop inviting me to things just because I had a colicky, crying, baby.

Clangus00 · 09/12/2019 12:02

Wow.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 09/12/2019 12:02

She could just, y'know, toughen the fuck up.

yeah, you tell that to her 3 months old.

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