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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to wish that the crying baby would stop coming to baby swimming classes...

197 replies

jamtomorrow1 · 09/12/2019 09:45

My three month old son has always been very jolly in his baby swimming classes and smiles and gurgles his way through them. The sessions are a highlight of the week for me and my husband (how our lives have changed). A new baby has joined the class recently and unfortunately he cries the whole way through every session. I can see how upset and disappointed his parents are about this, and I can see why they want to keep trying... but once Crying Baby starts crying, my son and several of the other babies start crying too in sympathy, and the result is that a previously fun activity is just miserable for all involved. I have the utmost sympathy for mother of Crying Baby but I am concerned that my son is no longer enjoying swimming, and also frankly I am no longer enjoying swimming either! Is there anything I can do other than find another class?!

OP posts:

MinervaSaidThat · 09/12/2019 10:29

Why don’t you just take your 3 month old swimming outside of the classes? Your son is not actually learning to swim yet.

MrsBricks · 09/12/2019 10:30

Swimming classes for 3 month olds are bloody ridiculous anyway, but why subject a 3 month old to something that makes them miserable?

I actually would want to say something to the mum - "why do you keep bringing your baby to this when he hates it so much?"

DeathStare · 09/12/2019 10:31

My DC1 cried at everything. Constantly. Or at least that's how it felt at the time. I guess that's her personality - even now as a teenager she is a constant moaner. If I had not taken her to classes every time she cried I would have sat at home alone all day with a crying baby and she would never have experienced anything.

My DC2 was a laid-back jolly little thing. If DC2 had cried every time we went to a swimming class, it would have been so out of character I'd have known they really didn't like it and would have probably stopped going.

The parents know their baby. They know whether they think it's still worth going or not. You don't get any say in that I'm afraid.

And there's not much point changing classes. There will almost certainly be at least one crying baby in any class. If YOUR baby is distressed by being around other crying babies then maybe your baby shouldn't be going to classes.

Instatwat · 09/12/2019 10:31

“Is there anything I can do?”

Well no, obviously fucking not 😂😂😂 What sort of suggestion were you looking for? Duct tape for the baby’s mouth? Or, even worse, ask the other mother to stop coming?! Good luck with that!

Chouxalacreme · 09/12/2019 10:31

That was me and my baby I had to stop as he was so unhappy , allll the time ! Persisted for many years until we got him into an sen specialist Pre school . It sent me to the brink of suicide in all honesty . But it was particularly bad at swimming . So we stopped . Now worrying as all his little friends have lessons and can swim and he can’t so will have to get him 1:1 lessons
It’s not fun and I look back and it makes me feel ill
The mum is only trying her best and I know you’re not condemning at all . But I’ve been there it doesn’t feel good . You just want your child to be happy and do the normal things but it sadly doesn’t work
It’s not fun
Be nice to the mum , and distract your own little one

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2019 10:32

Celebelly
I agree with you. It could be that a change of scenery is really needed.

I understand why the OP feels a little irritated but babies crying in a baby group would be a bit much of an issue to raise

MrsBricks · 09/12/2019 10:32

Maybe try setting a good example by removing your own baby when he starts crying?

Make a big thing of "lets take you out now you're getting upset, no need to force you to endure something if you're crying..." and look pointedly at mum of crying baby.

Jumpingforgin · 09/12/2019 10:33

You can't blame the other baby for making your baby cry, that's just silly! It sounds like you love the fact your baby is usually "the happy smiley baby" who can't possibly be upset on his own accord, and must blame someone else for the fact, he's crying. Maybe, just maybe, he isn't actually enjoying baby swim anymore?! If you want to blame the other baby, and genuinely feel that your baby would enjoy classes without "crying baby" there, crack on and move classes. But believe me.... each and every baby will be "the crying baby" at some point, so you'll likely end up in a class with another, or god forgive, your happy chappy becomes the crying one, so don't sound so smug. Your baby will benefit from getting used to sounds and emotions, so sheltering him from a "crying baby" sounds absurd to me!

Aderyn19 · 09/12/2019 10:33

She probably just wants her baby to get used to the water. I wish I'd done baby swim classes with mine - I've sunk fortunes into swimming lessons for my DC over the years and they are all still really poor swimmers, who hate getting their faces wet. Maybe it would be different if they'd started as babies instead of small children. So I can see why she perseveres.
It's horrible for you though. I think you should just take your baby swimming without booking a formal class, since you can't really ask her to do so.

Instatwat · 09/12/2019 10:33

Maybe try setting a good example by removing your own baby when he starts crying?

Make a big thing of "lets take you out now you're getting upset, no need to force you to endure something if you're crying..." and look pointedly at mum of crying baby.

Is that a GENUINE suggestion?

MinervaSaidThat · 09/12/2019 10:33

I am concerned that my son is no longer enjoying swimming

Why don’t you take your baby over to say hello to crying baby? Sometimes babies shut up when they see another baby close to them.

ScrambledSmegs · 09/12/2019 10:35

I feel pretty bad for them. My first was the crying baby at the swimming classes, she couldn't bear the water. I think we managed two sessions and I decided never again, it wasn't fair on her or the other families (yes, she did set other babies off crying, I'm positive).

She only started to enjoy swimming when we were given a hand-me down wetsuit when she was about 3 and suddenly she was happy. However I also think that swimming pools can be strange and frightening environments for small babies and children, so even with a wetsuit she would probably have hated it as a baby.

aggitatedstate · 09/12/2019 10:35

People like you add to the misery!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 09/12/2019 10:36

The parents will have been stung for as much as a couple of hundred quid for a term of these "lessons". So yes, they are bloody entitled to bring baby despite the crying. They will be hoping their little one gets used to it.

OP the crying is not necessarily whats triggering your child crying. They cry for alk sorts of reasons. Don't blame another poor mum who's probably desperate to get out of the house. I'll bet her baby does a decent nap after swimming and she gets a bit of peace.

Shame on you.

ssd · 09/12/2019 10:37

I'm still smiling at jolly baby.

Trewser · 09/12/2019 10:37

Jesus. Why would you go to swim classes with a 3 month old? It's cold and the water is human soup. I can think of lots of more fun things to do.

Puddlelane123 · 09/12/2019 10:38

Having had a baby who spectacularly squawked his way through almost every outing and activity in his first year, my sympathies are with the mother of the crying baby. It is soul destroying to feel like you are the only one with a continually crying baby, and it can be incredibly isolating. The list of things I withdrew from became longer and longer so I have huge respect to this lady for still getting out there despite the fact that she is most likely hugely self conscious about her baby being so distressed. It really knocks your confidence as a new mother and I found it really upsetting that I was unable to enjoy some of the moments and activities I had most looked forward to. I also felt a huge failure that I was somehow unable to produce a bouncing, laughing happy baby. So I would show the lady compassion, consider that this may be another in a long list of activities her baby cries through, and bear in mind that she may bravely persist with going because she is crushingly lonely and just wants to get out of the four walls and make friends. Of course I might be projecting and her baby might just hate swimming, in which case if I was her I would throw the towel and chalk it up to experience as I don’t see the point in putting a baby through needless and repeated distress. Bottom line though, her choice and you never know what is going on in the background

User12879923378 · 09/12/2019 10:39

Baby swim is a great idea. My daughter can swim on her own at 2, isn't afraid of going underwater or getting her face wet and loves jumping in. I wouldn't have known how to get her to that stage on my own - they have obviously thought very carefully about how to get babies confident and swimming in the water and structured the course so that it makes sense. We've also met other parents and children through baby swim so it's a nice way to socialise if you haven't got the CRIER

Equanimitas · 09/12/2019 10:39

Why bother with baby swimming classes anyway? Your son won't learn to swim, and you can take him to play around in the water any time.

smeerf · 09/12/2019 10:40

YANBU OP, not sure why you're getting slated.

Ask to switch to another timeslot, if it's Water Babies or Aquatots or similar, they're really accomodating. I'm assuming you're on mat leave so can do most days.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 09/12/2019 10:40

Make a big thing of "lets take you out now you're getting upset, no need to force you to endure something if you're crying..." and look pointedly at mum of crying baby.

I love that!

Sadly, I don't think most people will take the hint.

Greyhound22 · 09/12/2019 10:40

Actually I can see your point. We went to baby swimming classes when DS was a bit older then yours - there was once little girl who hated it and sobbed from start to end - it didn't put any of the others off but I was surprised when they came back for the next term - I could understand them using the lessons they had paid for as they were expensive but I wouldn't have put her through anymore at that stage - I know it isn't reasonable to be annoyed at a baby crying but yes - screaming for the whole session wasn't the most pleasant experience.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/12/2019 10:41

YABU. What do you expect for them to stay in doors with him, because Their child isn’t “perfect” like yours. It’s no bloody wonder new parents can feel lonely and isolated.
He doesn’t come to swimming class his parents bring him

Cacklingmags · 09/12/2019 10:41

Many years ago, my baby was the crying baby. I took them everywhere even though they cried all the time. You can't just stay home with your crying baby or you would go crazy - and the baby needs to get out and about too. Sometimes, if I had a meeting with some official, they would ask me to come back when the baby was not crying - I always refused, because the baby was always crying. Have some sympathy for the poor parents. My baby stopped crying all the time at ten months - that was a long ten months.

userhdhdhdhd · 09/12/2019 10:41

Oh for goodness sake. Your jolly baby will have to be exposed to less jolly babies throughout his childhood I'm afraid and you can't remove them all. If it bothers you so much find another class

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