When people use 'partner' to describe their 'OH'?

[ScreamingLadySutch]

IF HE IS YOUR DH, SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE!

People will twee-ly say 'partner' in describing a problem, then trickle truth much further down, that they are actually married.

or say 'other half' then trickle truth pages later, that they are unmarried.

It completely changes the situation advise wise, FFS!

AIBU

I think you're being picky. What is wrong with other half? Do you want someone to explicitly say my unmarried other half just so you know exactly what their legal status is?!

I use the term boyfriend, apparently that's wrong too and I'm too old to be using that term. Can't get it right can you?

OP would it help you if we start all posts by stating if we are Mrs, Ms Miss etc. Or maybe we should be forced to include marital info in out user names, just so you don’t get all cross and confused .

Hmm a chap we have known for 35 years. His marriage was a disaster. His children are now young teenagers. The mother of his DC is his ex wife.

He has been in a relationship for nearly ten years. She has her house; he has his. Not much time is spent apart and they are very much simpatico. She has no wish to be a step mother. He has no wish to succumb to her standards of domestic tidiness; she would not let him make a mess of her perfect home.

They are 55 and 51. They are openly boyfriend and girlfriend. They are not partners - their assets are held independently.

If you are married and seeking advice for a situation where the legal classification of your relationship is relevant and don't like the terms wife/husband, may I suggest the term 'spouse'?

I don't really understand why we need to discuss our marital status unless we are talking about an issue that involves this.

I dislike OH as it implies a woman isn't whole on her own.

I have a partner. We've lived together for 12 years and have two dc, mortgage together, mirror wills etc. Boyfriend doesn't really express the relationship.

I realise that there are people on here for whom marriage is very important, I have no issue with this. What I don't get is why people have to put down other people's choices, to me claiming that a long term cohabiting partners is no different than the early stage of a casual relationship is doing just this.

I use the word partner. I'm engaged and don't like the word fiancee because it sounds pretentious to me.

Also don't like using other half.

Partner doesn't denote gender or marital status (or age, which might be assumed if married or not). Its just a neutral term for when you're trying to avoid any bias in advice.

@OhTheRoses So to be partners you can't be financially independent?

I don't know really but why would I allow a man or my finances to be mutually dependent if there wasn't a legally binding contract behind it? Common sense I think. If a woman has worked chuffing hard for what she has, she must, nay needs, to protect it.

*People will twee-ly say 'partner' in describing a problem, then trickle truth much further down, that they are actually married.i

Never in my life have I heard someone do this. A partner is always an unmarried long-term boyfriend in my world and everyone else I know. “Other half” is very informal, almost like “her indoors”, and can mean any long term relationship I thought, married or not. Although I have heard some people say “other half” about a boyfriend of only a few weeks.

@userxx - quite. Being a partner is a legally binding understanding - it is diametrically opposed to independence.

@OhTheRoses My mum and dad have just celebrated their 50 year wedding anniversary, they still have separate bank accounts. Would they not be classed as partners?

My DH has never ever referred to me as his other half. We are our own people. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Gestalt theory. DH and I together are so much more than the imdividual constituent parts.

DH and I have separate bank accounts. What is your point?

We also had a prenup.

The irony of saying 'partner' sounds twee, and that 'DH' is the way to go...

Seconded.

Dear OP (should that be DOP?!), this is a minefield. My views on this, FWIW ..... I hate OH as it suggests one half, or both even, are kind of incomplete without another half; using DP when they could use DH really only annoys me if it’s a question about splitting up or a mortgage or rental agreement; saying DP can also just be someone being a bit vague in an effort to anonymise the story being told. Like others, I find DH can be a bit twee. If mentioning my husband in passing I often call him H or Husband. It’s not me being unaffectionate, it’s just what he is especially if he’s not the main player in the tale being told. In other non-online fora I use his first name mostly but sometimes I say partner, sometimes husband. It all depends on context and possibly how others refer to their life partners.

What really confuses me - polishes off soap box - is when posters mention their children. I often do a double take when someone says ds10 and I think ‘10 children, that’s a big family’. What happened to brackets. or ds or DS aged 10, or (this is the one I use most) 10yo ds. Don’t start me on apostrophes. Sometimes I just give up reading a post especially if it’s long and free of punctuation. PS I am aware this last bit isn’t totally relevant.

Partner = unmarried

But this is something you privately made up op, so why do you expect others to go along with it?
If you are really keen on not wasting time, don’t go on Mumsnet.

@OhTheRoses it was a genuine question, as they don't share all finances?

I get what you mean re advice, but I hate the constant branding of everyday ways of wording things, as twee.

To add, H and I have been married 30 yrs plus and we have different surnames. We do pool our finances though we have only one account that we both have access to. Other money’s in my name. Unusual but it works okay and we’re too lazy and unbothered to change it. That doesn’t make us partners rather than spouses - we have a certificate after all.

It rarely makes a difference to the story whether someone is married to their partner or not.

@userxx, your parents IMO can be both. It’s up to them really. They are married to each other, they are spouses and partners.

The one that annoys me the most is people who use partner to mean someone they have been dating for 6 weeks.

Partner means that you have an economic and legal partnership, but have chosen to eschew marriage.

I tend to say my boyfriend but as we've been together years, and we're neaer 59 than 40 then I'll occasionally use partner. Some people seem to think parther = serious, boyfriend = casual. Not sure why.