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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be FURIOUS with DH for burning DD’s soft toy!!!!!

277 replies

500miless · 08/12/2019 03:30

DH & I had a pretty stressful day. We have had an event planned for months and our babysitter ended up sick so we had to sort alternative childcare at very short notice.

Anyway, in a bid to make the house nice for the lady that we organised to help us out, DH lit a couple of scented candles. One was on the kitchen worktop, which I blew out before we left. I DID NOT realise he had also lit one in the lounge which he had left on the coffee table.

When we had left our DD, they were happily eating in the kitchen so I didn’t even think to check the living room before we left.

Anyway, I text the childminder at 8.00ish to see how the girls had settled and she informed me that both were asleep but that DD2 had an incident with her bunny. She had held it over near a candle and burned its mouth!

DD absolutely loves that bunny rabbit. She hasn’t gone anywhere without it in the past 3 years and I’m absolutely terrified by the thought of what could have happened and how much worse things could have been 😢

OP posts:
MinervaSaidThat · 08/12/2019 15:01

Typical that a man fucks up and people are looking for a woman to blame.

hsegfiugseskufh · 08/12/2019 15:01

What an over reaction. He didnt leave it unattended. The babysitter was there. Teach your child to not go near open flames!

hsegfiugseskufh · 08/12/2019 15:03

Ps does nobody else with small children never light candles?! Presuambly you all never turn the oven on or let them operate the hot tap either?

HuggedTrees · 08/12/2019 15:04

I’d be more angry at the baby sitter surely? Even if not saying anything to them?

formerbabe · 08/12/2019 15:05

Ps does nobody else with small children never light candles?!

I never did when my dc were small...I still don't.

Presuambly you all never turn the oven on or let them operate the hot tap either

Well these things are functional and necessary.

Candles are not really necessary.

daisypond · 08/12/2019 15:08

I would never leave a small child alone with a candle. We have some open fires and we didn’t leave children alone with those either. An adult operating the oven or a child turning on the hot tap isn’t relevant. We had candles when we had small children but they were on the dining table when we were eating.

Sherrybabyy · 08/12/2019 15:35

Presuambly you all never turn the oven on or let them operate the hot tap either?

You can’t even compare them. With a hot tap, the child could remove their hand quickly if it got too hot. They might end up with a bit of a scold but at least they wouldn’t go up in flames or set the house alight.
A burn from an oven or tap is completely different to the damage that can be caused by an open flame.

PigletJohn · 08/12/2019 16:09

I don't believe a hot tap will burn a house down.

however....

BlouseAndSkirt · 08/12/2019 16:14

The babysitter's job was to watch the children. Had she been doing so, she would have noticed it. The same way the child did

How do we know the babysitter had even been shown into the front room? They were left in the kitchen happily eating. How many babysitters ask to be shown the whole house and do a risk assessment before the parents leave?

He lit the flame, he left it unattended, he left an accident waiting to happen.

MinervaSaidThat · 08/12/2019 16:16

Why would a babysitter think to run around the house to check in case parents had left any live flames burning? This was basic parenting 101 and DH failed, no one else.

steff13 · 08/12/2019 16:22

She didn't have to be shown the room, or room around checking the house. She should have been with the child. If the child was near the candle, the babysitter should have been near the candle. I don't know why that's hard to understand. The child was in the kitchen eating. The child gets up and walks into the living room, the babysitter also gets up and walks into the living room because her job is to watch the child.

diddl · 08/12/2019 16:23

Babysitter obviously was watching enough to prevent the child getting burnt!

It's obviously the husband's "fault" as he lit the candle & left it.

steff13 · 08/12/2019 16:29

But not enough to keep the child from touching the candle in the first place. 🤷

As I said earlier, this was an accident. We've all made mistakes. Being "fuming" about it isn't helping. No one was hurt, I'm sure everyone will be more careful next time.

BlouseAndSkirt · 08/12/2019 16:31

Wellmet
It's just a candle. Children should be taught how to behave safely around naked flames....my children are in scouting and are taught to make fires from the age of 5.

We don't actually know how old these kids are - maybe 3 and 18m?

And my kids too have been building campfires and helping cook over them since they were young, but still wouldn't be unsupervised. You can teach all you like, but a 5 year old, distracted, wouldn't necessarily notice a bunny dangling near the flame.

There is no such thing as 'just' a candle. It's a flame, and as safe or fatal as you make it. 4 year olds should not be expected to be 100% reliable, no matter what they have been taught.

MumW · 08/12/2019 16:38

YABU to have lit candles in reach of a four year old. WTF was it doing on a coffee table.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 08/12/2019 16:43

Steff I don't know why that's hard to understand. The child was in the kitchen eating. The child gets up and walks into the living room, the babysitter also gets up and walks into the living room because her job is to watch the child.

There are two children. Two. Count them. One, two.

A babysitter would reasonably expect that the downstairs lounge didn't contain naked flames, pits with sharpened stakes at the bottom, live tigers, loose knives or any other hazard that means you have to watch any child in it like a hawk.

We have no idea what the babysitter was doing- could have been getting the other child a drink from the kitchen, or taking the other child to the potty, but if she'd thought that the house needed that close supervision, I bet she'd have charged more.

icanhearapindrop · 08/12/2019 19:17

Thinking I must be a terrible mum right now, as my 3 year old has walked into a different room and I haven’t followed him! I guess I should have predicted he would go in there and pushed him out the way to get there first and scout for danger! Or... I could reasonably expect that in the child’s own home, there shouldn’t be an immediate danger, other than the usual suspects (knives, ovens, stairs etc)

simonisnotme · 08/12/2019 19:32

bloody dumb idea to light a candle to make it smell nice for the babysitter with young kids about Hmm

hsegfiugseskufh · 09/12/2019 08:48

a hot tap cant burn a house down, but they can burn children. Kettles too but I assume you all have those.

I have candles on a lot, and I have a 3yo, but the 3yo knows not to touch them, same with the kettle, the oven, the hot tap (if im not there)

didn't realise I was so weird!

also, if you cant trust your babysitter with a candle maybe you need a new babysitter.

shinynewapple · 09/12/2019 08:59

Well if your DH had burned your child's toy as suggested by your OP you would be right to be furious- but this didn't happen did it.

Suggest you all learn from mistakes made here. Your DH was unreasonable to leave the candle burning on a table where your DD could reach it. Luckily it was only DD's toy that was damaged. Just make sure it doesn't happen again.

Lweji · 09/12/2019 09:18

It's not just a matter of touching and getting a small burn.
The child could have set a toy or pillow or rug or even curtains on fire.

simonisnotme · 09/12/2019 16:20

exactly ^^Lweji lit candles and small kids don't mix, could have been toy, clothes or hair = one burnt child needing skin grafts

CSIblonde · 09/12/2019 16:29

Your DH had good intentions, but garage OP. The babysitter should have blown the candle out, as she was there to keep watch & it sounds like it was in full view tbh. Then make a rule that candles etc are for when children are asleep or not around.

Mia1415 · 09/12/2019 16:31

When I was about 18, I babysat for a family with 2 young children and about 5 cats.

There was lit candles everywhere! I used to go around and blow them out the minute they left the house as it was just an accident waiting to happen and I did not want the responsibility. How they never burnt the house down is beyond me.

FizzyIce · 09/12/2019 16:31

@MinervaSaidThat Another man hater I see , how refreshing ...