i don't like my in laws dropping in unannounced AIBU?

[ConnectFortyFour]

my in laws have a habit of dropping in unannounced and I find it a bit intrusive. They live about half an hour away and are often 'passing'

They went through a phase of calling in advance which i found much better, but that seems to have stopped. This weekend they dropped in, no call. DH and I were trying to do something else but had to stop all of that in order to provide cups of tea and conversation.

i think we need to speak to them about it but i just want a reality check on what is seen as 'normal' these days.

AIBU to expect them to always call in advance?

You are not being unreasonable and I think it's often that generation that do it. They come from that time probably when neighbours were close. Kids went out in the street and families were close. Women often stayed home to be house keepers?

Not generational. Completely depends on the family dynamic.

DH and I were trying to do something else but had to stop all of that in order to provide cups of tea and conversation.

No. You didn't. You chose to do this.

why is your door unlocked?

Keep doors locked and just don't answer if they turn up unannounced. They will soon stop.

Sometimes people won’t listen until they are confronted with the consequences of their total inability to respect the privacy of others. So, the minute you hear them letting themselves in uninvited through your back door (how bloody rude of them!), rather than gearing yourself up to make tea you should try to get yourselves into as compromising a position as possible and act absolutely horrified that they’ve burst in on you. A jumper off followed by a scream of embarrassment, that kind of thing.

Yanbu. Very annoying if you have to entertain them.
I'd ask your other half to speak to them about boundaries again.

We moved house to prevent this issue.

And it most certainly is not a generational thing.
It suits some people definitely. The people it suits often try to impose it on others.

I assume most of the pro-droppers in are SAHM and live in smaller communities where it’s less of a hassle to drop by quickly to see if someone is in.

I WOTH and live in a big City.

I think if a couple disagree on whether a door/gate should be left unlocked, the one who wants it locked should get their way. Otherwise one person has to put up with feeling vulnerable and unsafe. So I would be saying that to your DH and telling him it's your house too and the gate will now be locked as a matter of course.

This is something I’ve only ever come a crossed on mumsnet, having to arrange appointments to see people. It’s not the norm in my circle of friends/family.

It's not appointments. It's checking beforehand that it's going to be convenient to visit, which in my book is just common courtesy.

or even binge watching a series with greasy hair in my life pjs.

@StrayWoman I'm now thoroughly intrigued as to what life pjs are.

YANBU! I had this pretty intensively after my 2nd child. It was a chaotic newborn stage where myself and both kids were sleep deprived and exhausted. I just wanted some afternoons to chill out, DD was 2 and needed to crash out on the sofa. Poor thing would be woken up and then grumpy, MIL &FIL would invade her space and fuss over her. I was exhausted trying to make them cups of tea and engage in conversation with them. I felt it was so intrusive and just made me irritable and anxious. It tipped me over the edge as I was trying to keep my head above water with post natal depression. It was a big contributor for me because I couldn't relax in my own home and have a pyjama day after a bad night. Told DH to have a word with them and it stopped thank goodness! I'm so glad you posted because I always felt like it was just me!

joy
The thing is most people have a reasonably varied group of friends so will see a range of views and yet on some things there's a noticeable trend that is very MN.

E.g Offline if someone is an arse, people tend to think they're an arse. Only on MN do some people decide that any situation involving an arsehole needs to be met with "have you considered dementia/ASD?"

That sort of thing.

@backforgood the ops in laws aren't knocking giving her a chance to ignore them they are just walking in

I prefer a bit of warning so I can tidy the house / make myself presentable. Of course you could not answer the door but I understand why you don't want to.

I like people to check in too, not my sisters they take me as I am and I continue what I am doing.
My ex friend would call at random times and sit for hours expecting my undivided attention.

I hate it, YANBU. No one drops in on me unannounced anymore because I've made it clear I don't like it and I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting people.

It's so rude, and a massive indicator that they think your time is less important than theirs.

I even give my DM a quick ring smirk say 'are you in and free for a coffee?' before I go round. And I have keys to her house!