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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why parts of Mumsnet are so intolerant

153 replies

rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 19:37

Just that really, I've been on here pretty much since MN started and I'm seeing more and more racist posts and they are being allowed to stand.

More people are being critical of people on low incomes and judging them and it's not the supportive place it once was.

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/12/2019 19:39

There seem to be daily benefit bashing threads as well now. It's sad.

firstimemamma · 07/12/2019 19:41

Yanbu. Transphobia is especially common. As is people insulting each other / mud slinging.

John470322 · 07/12/2019 19:45

Judge others and you might be judged.
A few years ago I had two lots of friends who continually said the others were wrong.

One couple went on foreign holidays two or three times every year but could not afford to buy a carry out
The other couple ate carry outs 4 or 5 times every week but could not afford to go on holiday.

Is it not all down to choice, we chose what we want to spend our wages on?

BumHairDontCare · 07/12/2019 19:45

I've not seen any transphobia, just concerned women. Which is fair enough I think, women should absolutely have the opportunity to discuss the things that affect them/their children.

Original poster
rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 20:02

Transphobia is a difficult one isn't it, I haven't personally seen what I'd consider to be transphobia but different people have different views if they feel like they are on the receiving end of it.

OP posts:
Nextphonewontbesamsung · 07/12/2019 20:04

Which parts do you mean? There have always been arseholes on Mumsnet, from the year dot.

Weescot · 07/12/2019 20:05

Tbf, people with money get flamed for daring to have a problem as well. Also, you have to be a lefty remainer to be tolerated on here

Boom45 · 07/12/2019 20:06

I'm not sure Mumsnet is anymore intolerant than anywhere else, in fact there are large swathes of the internet that is are much much worse. Not that it should be a race to the bottom or anything but I think it's a reflection of both society now and the ease of saying something awful when you don't have to look anyone in the eye when you say it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/12/2019 20:07

Report anything you think breaks talk guidelines.

BumHairDontCare · 07/12/2019 20:07

I agree OP and if we genuinely see transphobic comments they should be reported, it just that when people complain about 'Mumsnet transphobia' I suspect they're talking about women having a discussion with a different opinion to them. It's wrong and I call misogyny

Sparklingbrook · 07/12/2019 20:08

You mean some posters on MN are intolerant?

ErrolTheDragon · 07/12/2019 20:10

When you say 'allowed to stand', does that mean you've reported posts which you believe are racist, OP? Or transphobic, firsttimemamma?

Aaarrgghhh · 07/12/2019 20:12

If you see something racist etc, then report it. If you simply don’t agree with something (like the discussions on trans activists and their agenda etc) try not to jump straight to “this person must be phobic” we aren’t, we just want to discuss issues that affect biological women.

NightsOfCabiria · 07/12/2019 20:16

I’ve not seen anything like that. The odd comment gets zapped pretty much instantly. I see frank concern on the Feminism boards and genuine ignorance on the AIBU and Relationship boards but I cant say Ive seen much racism at all.

Now ageism is another matter entirely. It’s endemic.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 07/12/2019 20:21

YANBU, I've been a regular here for years and it definitely seems to be a more hostile place lately.

Original poster
rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 20:27

If I give examples then it's a TAAT but I've seen a lot of criticism of language choices and original posts who are mentioning a situation but include that the person is from the planet Zog/has purple skin etc.

OP posts:
Aaarrgghhh · 07/12/2019 20:29

rhubarbcrumbles is that just not describing somone? Painting a picture of sorts? Or was it deliberately intended racism?

PepePig · 07/12/2019 20:32

Loads of transphobia and sexism. I haven't seen a lot of racism, though. The only positive is it seems a very friendly place for those with SN/are disabled. Which is good.

The transphobic threads do need to stop though. I was thinking about it the other day. Eg changing room threads. Fair enough, I absolutely think if companies are bringing in these policies they need floor to ceiling rooms with proper locks and doors (and to have a check for cameras at close each night), but we mostly hear about these one or two creepy stories on the news. Probably a similar amount to us hearing about suicide bombers/extremists in the UK. Yet, most of us know that that is a very small minority and we shouldn't judge an entire religion/culture by their actions. I struggle to see why this isn't the same with those transitioning. I do have some issues with self ID and the process, but not even transwoman/man are creepy, rapey paedophiles Hmm. But, as I say, I know it's a tough one. Women do need women's only spaces too. I just think we could be a little kinder about them when discussing it, at the very least.

Original poster
rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 20:34

(Making this up so it's not a TAAT) To give an idea:

Today I was in a cafe and somebody who isn't from round here came in with their 5 children and proceeded to talk loudly and disturb my peace and quiet, AIBU to want a cup of coffee in peace and quiet?

Stuff like that.

OP posts:
terfsandwich · 07/12/2019 20:37

Actually nowadays it's racist to say you see a person as an individual not as a [member of a race]. It was quoted in that Douglas Murray book, from a proponent of whiteness studies. So if you say its unnecessary to note someone's race, you're the bigot. Do keep up.

SweetSally · 07/12/2019 20:38

I agree.
So many people will post nasty comments just for the sake of it or try to be 'clever' and say - no comment. How does that help? Why would you take time of your day to go online and purposely be nasty to other people and call them names?!

A lot of anger issues here... A lot of jealousy, envy, racism, nastiness, and rude behaviour.

Let's not forget the ones that try to "educate" you now to express yourself, spell and how to life your life

Butterisbest · 07/12/2019 20:39

I don't think that it's transphobic to believe that human beings cannot change sex. I also don't think it's transphobic to say I would prefer not to share a changing room with a male person.

Original poster
rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 20:41

@Sweetsally Let's not forget the ones that try to "educate" you now to express yourself, spell and how to life your life

Like the ones who tell you to 'live your life' instead then?

(Sorry!)

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/12/2019 20:41

you have to be a lefty remainer to be tolerated on here

Rubbish.

SweetSally · 07/12/2019 20:45

@rhubarbcrumbles
Sorry
Typing was off :)