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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why parts of Mumsnet are so intolerant

153 replies

rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 19:37

Just that really, I've been on here pretty much since MN started and I'm seeing more and more racist posts and they are being allowed to stand.

More people are being critical of people on low incomes and judging them and it's not the supportive place it once was.

OP posts:
Original poster
rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 20:48

@SweetSally sorry too, couldn't resist - oh the irony Grin

OP posts:
AutumnRose1 · 07/12/2019 20:50

OP when I first joined MN, I was quite upset by the racism

Then I thought, oh well, at least I know who I can’t chat with on here.

I dunno. I go back and forth on it.

MinervaSaidThat · 07/12/2019 20:51

YANBU. Racism/Islamophobia has grown a bit.

I don't see transphobia though, just women concerned about men taking over our spaces.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 07/12/2019 20:54

Loads of transphobia and sexism. I haven't seen a lot of racism, though.

Transphobia = women talking about keeping female only spaces free from males, female only services for females, not believing that a penis is female anatomy, etc.

Sexism = woman’s concern about how females are being treated, talked about and manipulated by bad men. “NAMALT!” “What about the men?”

Racism = if it doesn’t affect certain posters, then it doesn’t exist.

Priorities, eh! Hmm

Feminazgul · 07/12/2019 20:58

How is it transphobic to say that men who are not trans will take advantage of being able to go into womens toilets and changing rooms?

MinervaSaidThat · 07/12/2019 20:59

The fact that people don't see the racism is very depressing.

sue51 · 07/12/2019 20:59

I haven't seen racism or transphobia here. There has been a small amount of benefit bashing but anyone ignorant enough to post such things usually gets their arse handed to them.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 07/12/2019 21:01

The fact that people don't see the racism is very depressing.

They’re too busy centring men.

DioneTheDiabolist · 07/12/2019 21:02

Mumsnet is a more hostile place than before, but that is a reflection of society as a whole. Brexit has pissed off a lot of people and then they come on the internet.🤷‍♀️

However there is still a lot of support and community on here.Xmas Smile

Aaarrgghhh · 07/12/2019 21:06

rhubarbcrumbles Is that racist or showing cultural differences?

RedLipstickHighHeels · 07/12/2019 21:08

To be sure mn has always had intolerant posts and bullying tone. It Wasn’t better back in the day
Anyone who dared to admit being new was berated and told we’ve done that already/read the archive
It’s not mn fault,it’s simply a platform for posters.

aveenos · 07/12/2019 21:10

The only positive is it seems a very friendly place for those with SN/are disabled. Which is good.

there are quite often nasty and disablist threads on MN, esp in Aibu. The only safe place are the SN boards.

SureTry · 07/12/2019 21:16

I agree with T0tally and Autumn the racism on here at times is disgusting. It's always the I don't see it so it doesn't exist, even when someone says how it effects them someone will come along and completely disregard them.

SentimentalKiller · 07/12/2019 21:19

Ageism is accepted here and everywhere. It's shocking how easily it is tolerated
Trans phobia well stating biological facts seems to be trans phobic. Women talking together now leads to protests and violence

Feminazgul · 07/12/2019 21:20

suretry exactly so. I've seen so many nonwhite women who talk about their experiences with racism only for it to be dismissed.

My particular bugbear is when people come out with shit like 'you're doing the victims of real racism a disservice' or similar. Sit the fuck down.

Original poster
rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 21:21

rhubarbcrumbles Is that racist or showing cultural differences?

Racist. Why is it relevant what ethnicity a person is if they are behaving inconsiderately?

OP posts:
HerrenaHarridan · 07/12/2019 21:28

I left mn for five years over the level of unchecked transphobia. It’s significantly better now that mn do sometimes delete posts but I got sick of reporting blatant hate speech and being told it didn’t breech guidelines.

There is a massive fucking difference between raising concerns about the practical applications of inclusion of trans people and calling them deranged and perverted.

I actually have a lot of patience for people who are genuinely concerned about how we (as a society and legal system) integrate trans people as seamlessly as possible while also preventing any old fucked up predator putting in a dress and claiming to be a woman.
That is an important talking point.

I have seen on mn some despicable hatred poured out to trans women who dared to post ask me anything threads in order to try and reach out.

Honestly I don’t understand the mentality behind the need to transition but I do know that people feel so strongly about it that many go ahead even in countries where they know they will end up murdered.
I don’t know why it’s so important to them but if it’s that important to them then it is important enough for me to at least try to get my head round.

roundtable · 07/12/2019 21:32

I agree to a degree. But I've also seen recent threads where an op/ poster has been told a phrase is considered offensive for whatever reason and they've immediately said sorry I didn't realise.

So there's hope!

Bluebutterfly90 · 07/12/2019 21:36

Well, I think society in general has become very divided and grumpy. Personally I blame Brexit, and austerity.
Everyone's got a lot on their plate and good manners and empathy seem to go out the window.

Squirrel134 · 07/12/2019 21:36

Would totally agree with you there.
I think impact of austerity and the B word have pushed a few people to their limit, and they have become really defensive & sometimes aggressive/rude. Also, all generations have experienced different 'times' & 'speak' different. The mis-communication from that, can lead to upset/offence and concern about the lack of empathy/interest about what may be seen as other peoples' issues.

It is a shame, as this can be very off-putting. I know MN does try to keep an eye on things.
I have been a MNet voyeur for years, and enjoyed the to and fro of the variety of conversations. I love the regulars, trying to guess people's jobs from what they say, and the general positive support of women for women.
We don't always have to agree with each other, but we can try to be supportive of each other's right to a different opinion.

mindproject · 07/12/2019 21:36

Mumsnet is full of bots, right-wing propagandists and people who've bought, hook like and sinker, the huge red herring that is the trans debate. I don't bother with Mumsnet much any more. There is no room for proper conversations with rational people.

Gardai · 07/12/2019 21:39

I don’t see why we have to be censored in a draconian way re the changing room debates and other trans issues that affect women’s rights. I don’t think it’s transphobic wanting to discuss these current issues. Any posts are deleted that are transphobic.
Link where you have seen the ‘despicable hatred’ you talk about.
There’s a lot of sweeping generalisations so far and any chat website will represent a cross section of the community and not everyone will be happy.
I don’t think the trans activists will be happy until we lie down and let ourselves be trampled and smile encouragingly whilst doing so.

LolaSmiles · 07/12/2019 21:41

It depends.
I think there's some unpleasantness but also there's a weird desire for some people to fall over themselves proving how woke and liberal they are.

Eg class threads - people know what class is, most working class people know the difference between being working class / poor Vs chavvy. Some people will collapse in a heap at the very mention of the word chavvy because it's so snobby to even consider that the word might describe a group of people, culture and actions. They'll then claim that people are looking down on working class people (which is really annoying because chavs and working class aren't the same damn thing) like they're some defender of the poor.

Eg. Most people know there's a difference between adult clothing to go on the pull and children's clothes. Most people would consider it inappropriate to dress a pre teen like you would for a night on the town. Express concern that you saw a child dressed in sexualised clothing and some will sprint to be the first to say "if you find fishnets and a bra top inappropriate on a 11 year old then you have issues".

ValleyClouds · 07/12/2019 21:41

The only positive is it seems a very friendly place for those with SN/are disabled

Hardly, I would agree it's better but when I joined 4 or 5 years ago, disablism was rampant and often left to stand.

Several people left over it.

I will never forget (or forgive) the poster who said disabled teenagers shouldn't be allowed out in public, that remark was thankfully deleted but at one time you couldn't move for nasty threads about disabled people, often dressed up as "innocent observation" and "faux naivety"

Aaarrgghhh · 07/12/2019 21:42

Racist. Why is it relevant what ethnicity a person is if they are behaving inconsiderately?

Because different cultures have different norms? Waiting in line is one thing that jumps out. We wait in lines very well in the UK people from some other cultures don’t line up and are more forceful with getting service. That’s annoying and adding in where they are from helps get that across. Maybe I’m misunderstanding what you mean though.