Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

449 replies

berki · 07/12/2019 15:06

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 07/12/2019 17:36

£400 on food in a week?!!!! That's a huge amount , that you can't afford if you are in an overdraft!

Toddlerteaplease · 07/12/2019 17:37

My parents drive me mad lecturing me about my Nero's habit though. But I can afford it and I decided that it's one of their business as I'm 38!

MLMsuperfan · 07/12/2019 17:37

I remember earning my first salary and feeling so rich but being amazed at what colleagues my age would spend on.

I'd go to Pizza Express and feel like Rockefeller but whenever I hit my overdraft I felt like a failure and vowed to do better next month.

I bought a flat which felt indulgent! My mum told me off for buying carpets as I needed to use store credit. She said I should have bare floors until I could buy outright.

Now I'm in the 1% but I'd never Deliveroo breakfast!

katewhinesalot · 07/12/2019 17:38

You have to splurge when you get your first proper job. It's the law, especially at Xmas.

Obviously you'll need to reign it in now and take this as a lesson to not divulge your finances to your Dad again.

Purpleartichoke · 07/12/2019 17:38

I’ve done it myself and I don’t feel bad about it at all. However, I was in a position to still be adding to my savings while doing it. Definitely would not go into an overdraft for anything other than an emergency.

RedLipstickHighHeels · 07/12/2019 17:40

You’re an adult up you can afford it,it’s a treat thing not sustainable but fun
So hell yea,fill yer boots

Mjlp · 07/12/2019 17:40

This isn't what you want to hear, but I think you come across as immature and irresponsible. If you're in your overdraft, you can't afford it. Plus it's only the start of the month.

I also think it's disgusting and immoral to waste so much money eating out in one week. I'm a teacher and the amount of children living in poverty and having to use food banks is heartbreaking. You could feed a family for over a month on what you've frittered away in one week. It's great for you that you've got so much money - partly because of how lucky you are to be living rent free - but to be brutally honest with you, I think you should be ashamed of yourself and not posting on here thinking you're being reasonable. Furthermore I'm saddened by the amount of people who agree with you. There are so many people so much less fortunate than yourself. Next time you've got £400 to spare, why not donate it to your local food bank.

PooWillyBumBum · 07/12/2019 17:41

I have never done that and we don’t like our current account to drop below £12k for emergencies, would certainly not entertain it if we were near overdraft.

I think if you’re in overdraft and living rent free you’re being a bit unreasonable. Probably time to start getting a hold of your finances...

Dieu · 07/12/2019 17:41

Another one who thinks good on you, and enjoy! Your dad needs to butt out. Has he been through periods of financial hardship himself, which might explain his anxiety at the same thing happening to you?

blueshoes · 07/12/2019 17:43

You are in debt. If £400 of discretionary spend puts you in overdraft, you are not earning very much particularly since you are not paying rent.

Fine as a one-off but this behaviour is feckless.

Don't rely on your father to help you with your deposit for a first home. He will see you as squandering your rent free opportunities and undeserving.

Dutchesss · 07/12/2019 17:44

YABVU
You are living rent free at the expense of family who could be renting the place out and you're in your overdraft.
There is no way I would spend £400 on myself eating out in one week while my family subsidised me(By living rent free that is what is happening).

blueshoes · 07/12/2019 17:45

I agree with Mjlp.

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 07/12/2019 17:45

Your money, your choice.

o you tell your dad what to spend is cash on?

I thought not.

Aridane · 07/12/2019 17:48

I had a deal with my children as they married, they could stay rent free for two years in a property I owned and just pay their bills but at the end of two years they had to have at least two years of equivalent rent money saved. It worked really well for them but if they'd mismanaged finances whilst staying there, even if it was an overdraft, they'd have been told to leave

Goodness - did you do a financial audit of your adult married children?!?

PrettyShiningPeople · 07/12/2019 17:50

I think everyone saying “yay, go ahead. It’s your money, do what you like” have obviously missed the point where the OP says she’s overdrawn.

There are no 2 ways about this OP - YABU.

DishingOutDone · 07/12/2019 17:54

If someone had posted here "a young friend has loads cash she spent £400 on restaurants etc., and she lives rent free AIBU to judge her" you would have had people pouring on here to say "YOU sound jealous".

Or if a person (of any age) had posted "my dad spent £400 on food but I'm careful with money" - everyone without fail would have said "its his money and you have no right to get involved, bet you are after a handout".

So basically now all those people are on your thread actually being jealous and saying you have no right to your own cash, but making it out to be concern, or that you should have donated your cash to starving children.

Wish he would just let me enjoy it and write it off as an anomaly - well in future don't tell him or anyone in fact!

blueshoes · 07/12/2019 17:57

Bear in mind most people in the UK are in debt and therefore those saying it is your money and your business probably have a few overdraft/debts of their own. Hence these people are just being defensive.

Blibbyblobby · 07/12/2019 17:57

I think everyone saying “yay, go ahead. It’s your money, do what you like” have obviously missed the point where the OP says she’s overdrawn

Nope. It’s an interest-free overdraft so assuming this month is a blip and overall cashflow is positive, it’s more rational to use the OD than take money out of interest-bearing savings.

Drabarni · 07/12/2019 17:59

As a one off it isn't so bad. If you were my dd and you let it slip I'd want reassuring it was a one off and you were able to manage your own money.

expatinspain · 07/12/2019 18:01

How far into your overdraft are you? There's a lot of month left and no money. Surely you'll be eating into your overdraft more and more if you're in it this early on. If you get paid early as it's dec and start eating into that, then Jan will be a very long month and you'll be in your overdraft again. Been there, done that, ended up getting into a shitload of debt. Be careful, it's easy to do!

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 07/12/2019 18:02

Why is everybody judging the OP? She already said she makes good money (so I can assume she can afford to pay it back fairly quickly), this is a one off and let's be serious... December is an expensive month for most of us anyway. Why can't she enjoy herself on a one off?
@berki as long as you don't get yourself in to serious financial trouble and can pay your money back in to your overdraft, you have fun babe! Gin

Oh and don't worry, this is what Dads are meant to do. Accountant or not! Smile

Aridane · 07/12/2019 18:04

OP - your mistake was telling your dad!

You're young, live in London, it's the holiday season and you've been eating out in central London - £400 will just go and you only live once,

Yes, appreciate £400 will feed a family of 4 for a month - but if you can afford it and your interest fee overdraft is paid off with your next wage, then no harm done. Especially as you are also saving by direct debit.

And the poster who said Just be aware, even if you can afford it now you might regret it in the future

Sometimes what we regret is what we didn't do - I wish I had been more profligate with money at OP's age and more,on the going out in central London!

FloreanFortescue · 07/12/2019 18:09

*Why is everybody judging the OP?
*
Er, because she posted in AIBU and therefore asked to be judged?

Youreckon · 07/12/2019 18:11

It’s just unfortunate that my Dad made me get a fixed ISA

Yeah, I can see how that’s a bugger.

The more you say, the worse you make yourself sound.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/12/2019 18:11

1 month out of 3 isnt a blip though. There haven't been enough months to establish if it is a blip or not. And yes with no rent going into your overdraft is ridiculous when you consider at least £700 would be likely to have had to be rent if there was any to pay.